Oh lawds! If I were young again, I’d want to be reborn with Young-Jae’s bravado. Encountering an old flame and knowing what to say to him have always been my weakness. Good old Catholic guilt would rear its ugly head, and I’d lose my tongue in embarrassment and offer limp fingers in a handshake.

That’s why I admired how Young-Jae cheekily pretended not to know him, “Ohn Joon-Young, right? I almost didn’t recognize you.” Given the brutal way she dumped him, I’d say that she had weighed her options upon seeing him, and decided that brazening it out was better than slinking away.

Too bad that JoonYoung was still wearing his heart on his sleeve. He didn’t try to pretend that he’d move on from their break-up. His “It’s nice to see me?” starkly announced that he hadn’t gotten over her and his feelings were raw even after 7 years. It was telling when she turned to look back at him but he refused to watch her leave.

To me then it made sense that she would call him up when she landed in trouble and found herself in the police station. I know that this scene made her look like she was shamelessly using him and abusing their short-lived relationship. But to me, it’s the other way around. She was actually using HER predicament to get in touch with HIM again.

Hence the pojangmacha. He wanted to get away quickly from her, but she was the one who insisted on him staying for a drink. I’m not sure if she intended to get him drunk. But she knew of his low tolerance for alcohol and she allowed him to down all those bottles while she abstained.

My sense of this whole scene is that SHE wanted him to release his pent-up resentment and anger. She was giving him this moment as catharsis. She knew she had done him wrong seven years ago when she dumped him so she accepted his drunk ranting without defensiveness. In fact, she listened to him patiently, and occasionally smiled at him with tenderness.

YJ: You can’t leave until you finish this (soju).

JY drinks the whole glass in one shot.

YJ: Wow, you’re an adult now. You’ve changed a lot. It’s a compliment.
JY: Are you completely fine? (After a few bottles later) Are you completely fine? That night I thought about calling you or going to see you in person. You have no idea how much I hesitated. You didn’t contact me even once for the last seven years but when you need me, you call me like it’s no big deal. And you smile and call my name as if we’re old friends. What am I to you?

She stares at him, then looks down with a smile. She doesn’t look sheepish or guilty or remorseful.

JY: Hey. Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing?
YJ: You look much better without your glasses. Are you wearing lenses?
JY: I got LASIK, okay? (He shouts) Did you dump me because I wore glasses? (She laughs then shakes her head) Then was it because of my braces? You were ashamed of me, weren’t you?
YJ: No. You were cute. (smiling at him tenderly)
JY: I was, right? Then why did you do it? “Today’s our first day of dating.” You were the one who said that. What did I do wrong that made you dump me like that?
YJ: You didn’t do anything wrong.
JY: Then why did you do it? (He shouts again)
YJ: (sighing and not meeting his eyes) I was just… (She looks at him again with a smile) Just because. I had no choice.
JY: You horrible wench. (She meets his stare, unflinching) I didn’t say this to anyone. The truth is I became a police officer because of you. Because of you, I can’t trust women. You horrible wench. (She looks sad but then she smiles dryly). You’re despicable. Why aren’t you drinking? Another bottle, please! Another bottle of Clear Day, please.

I know many viewers thought she behaved callously in this scene because they were channeling JoonYoung’s hurt feelings. She was smiling! She didn’t give a reasonable excuse for her behavior! She was really despicable! Drat that woman!

But they were forgetting one thing.

She could have easily explained to him the real reason for their break-up that very night while he was drunk or the following day after he became sober. She had compelling reason which would exonerate her.

But she didn’t explain. The fact that she kept her silence should reveal something important about her character to the mature viewers.

For one, she was a proud woman.  Just like in the past, she didn’t want JoonYoung to stay by her side out of pity. Seven years ago, she hid the news of her brother’s accident from him because she didn’t want to burden him with her problem. JoonYoung had a great future ahead of him and she would only tie him down should he discover about the accident. She already understood JoonYoung’s personality very well. She knew that he was meticulous, hardworking, incorruptible…and loyal. Didn’t he drop by daily at her beauty salon? Didn’t he promise to wait for her until she was done working?

Weellll, she knew he’d insist on shouldering her burden once he found about her brother, but she refused to be a dead-weight on his shoulder. Brutally dumping him was her way of letting him go before she could start clinging to him out of desperation. As that old expression goes, she had to be cruel to be kind.

For another, she was resigned to her future. She could have confessed the truth to JoonYoung at the pojangmacha, and shut him up. But she didn’t defend herself against his accusations because she knew that it would be futile. After all, her original reason for secrecy was still there: she didn’t want to burden him.

To me, she wasn’t offended by his drunken tirade because she was ready to commit him — and their encounter — to memory. She could let him rage on while she smiled at him indulgently because she had already accepted her past and he was part of her past. She had moved on to the next chapter in her life.

That would explain why the following morning, she narrated, “All day, it felt like I was walking through dark clouds. All day, my memories from seven years ago followed me.” (lol. I had this image of her in my head as depressed Eeyore with rain clouds hanging overhead.)

She was remembering the accident and the choice she had to make at that time to let JoonYoung go. Her acceptance of her past meant that she had come to accept the future she now had as consequence of that day seven years ago.

On the other hand, JoonYoung couldn’t let go of their past. He sensed that there was an unfinished business between them, and it nagged him that she didn’t give a straight answer for dumping him. He was the one determined to set things straight between them and change their destiny.

For me, this kdrama is a welcome change. We often get the girl’s point-of-view and we see the girl’s silly attempt to draw closer to the guy.

In this kdrama, it’s the reverse. We’re given JoonYoung’s angst and insecurity and we seem him working hard to win her.

Usually too in kdramas, the girl unearths the guy’s noble idiocy in the last episode and then regrets her lack of foresight and understanding. In this show, JoonYoung was the one ashamed for not being there when she needed him the most. He narrated, “Young-jae said it wasn’t my fault, but I feel like it was all my fault. I wish it was all my fault.”

Although this declaration sounds sweet and romantic, I do hope that he wouldn’t feel responsible for every piece of bad luck that happened her way because YoungJae definitely didn’t blame him for the choices she made on her own.  I hope that he’d mature quickly enough to catch up with YoungJae. As much as he looks as cute as a beagle (my favorite dog, if we owned one) in the dating scenes, he’s still in the puppy-love stage, or infatuation level, instead of real love.