First, a note on grooming v. befriending
It will be incontrovertibly difficult for viewers, especially those with hyper-sensitivities and/or Western mindset, to watch these early episodes of this Cdrama when they’re on the lookout for signs of grooming.
Why?
For the simple reason that the timing of the main characters’ meet-cute (she’s in middle school and he’s in college) and their five-year age difference can color the perception of the male lead’s friendly overtures toward the female lead and discredit them as grooming.
Me? I resist.
For one, I believe that the presumption of innocence must take precedence over the assertion of guilt. While it’s true that Duan JiaXu (DJ) gains the young Sang Zhi’s trust and admiration very early on in the story, through attention, gifts, and shared “secrets” (e.g., posing as her “Gege”), his behavior toward her in no way indicates that he wants to foster friendship with her in order to initiate sexual relations. In my book, that’s the number one distinction between grooming and befriending: the motive.
A groomer targets his victim by giving her special preference. His primary motive? To exploit and sexualize the relationship. In contrast, a friend supports and protects the individual while reinforcing the individual’s bonds with her parents, siblings, and friends. In these early episodes, it’s noteworthy that DJ encourages Sang Zhi to trust her brother and to confide in her parents. Not once does he isolate her from her family, for himself.
For another, I remember with fondness how it felt to have crushes. I grew up with brothers, and I can attest that Sang Zhi’s interaction with DJ is entirely plausible. As I’m writing this, I’m smiling at the memories of my older brother’s friend who cossetted me like a girly-girl and not the tomboy that I was back then.
Remember in Episode 1, when Sang Zhi visited her brother’s dorm room for the first time, and one dorm mate pounced on her? I found that scene very relatable. My childhood crush also reserved a seat for me by his side, away from the guys. While my brothers and most of their friends would continue exchanging raunchy jokes and sports trivia, he was somebody I could talk comfortably with about local politics and local news.
Roommate 1: Is this your sister?
Brother: Yes. (addressing SZ) Greet Qian Fei.
SZ: Hello, Qian Fei Gege. I’m Sang Zhi.
Roommate 2: (entering the room) Little girl! You’re so adorable!
Brother: (putting a strong arm on his chest to ward him off) Keep your distance.
Roommate 2: It’s our first meeting. Why can’t I go near her?
SZ: (looking down in awkwardness)
Roommate 2: Besides, I’m short-sighted.
Brother: You’ll scare her if you get too close.
SZ: (turning away and catching DJ’s eyes)
Roommate 2: I’m sorry about that.
SZ: (politely) Don’t be.
DJ: (pulling up a chair for her at his desk) Come here, xiao meimei. Sit over here.
Brother: (glancing over at the chair) Sit over there.
SZ: (walking over to the chair and muttering to DJ) I’m not little.
DJ: Huh?
SZ: I said I’m not little.
DJ: All right. Mei mei.
SZ: (looks up at him, then smiling in secret)
My comments:
a. Her brother, Sang Yan, was being protective of her, too. But his style of protecting her from his roommate lacked finesse, (e.g., shouting “Keep your distance!” and barring the poor guy) and made SZ look like a simpleton (e.g., “You’ll SCARE her if you get too close”).
b. Duan JiaXu understood her better. He recognized that she was a bit shy being the center of attraction, so he pulled a chair away from the gang.
c. By giving her a chair to sit on, he also showed that he was more of an attentive host than her brother was.
d. I’m not Chinese so I’m sure somebody will correct me and explain the nuance better. To me, when JiaXu called her “xiao meimei” he was calling her “little girl” with the emphasis on her being “little” of size. And of course, she took offense. After she corrected him, he called her “mei mei” meaning “younger sister.” But I’m also guessing that by the way he changed his tone (or enunciation) that he was teasing her and calling her “cutie-pie” or “pretty girl.” That’s why she stopped to stare at him, then smiled down.
e. It’s precisely these moments when he’s teasing her that can confuse a young girl with a crush on him. SZ can’t tell if he’s being nice to her because she’s special and different from others, or because he’s naturally nice to everyone.
f. Lastly, it must be noted that for viewers who are looking for signs of grooming, his habitual jokes and teasing of SZ can be regarded as flirtatious. But as I said, I presume innocence in his motive and action. He likes to tease her because she’s fun to tease and provoke because she fights back. He observed from her interaction with her brother that her brother’s teasing and their playful squabbles are their way of demonstrating affection to each other.
Moving on to my takes of Episode 2.
1. On writing the essay for her
While waiting for him at the bus stop, Sang Zhi has a flashback of the time when he made her wait. Back then, it was an honest mistake. He didn’t know that her dismissal was at 4:20pm. This time, however, they both agreed to meet up at 6:40am. He first lectured her about doing her own work, then he told her, “I’ll wait for you at the bus stop at 6:40 am. I’ll help you write the essay. Is that okay?”
I’ve two comments here:
a. I think he learned from his previous mistake, so he showed up early to their rendezvous.
SZ: (answering her phone) Hello, Jaixu Gege.
DJ: Are you awake?
SZ: (looking at her watch) if you’re late by too much, (pausing) you shall never find a girlfriend! Do you…
DJ: (pressing a bottle of milk on her cheek) I got here long ago. I went to buy milk for you. Hmm. (offering to her) You ingrate. You can’t say stuff like that. If I never find a girlfriend, you will be dead meat. Hmph. Let’s go. Do your homework at the breakfast shop up ahead. (pushing her by her backpack strap) Come on.
Then, as he ordered food for himself, she couldn’t help staring at him. To add to the list of things he would gift her, he bought her a cupcake as incentive to get her job done. Somebody should really make a list of his presents to her…and I don’t mean just the expensive ones. I find these small, spontaneous presents more meaningful, like the warm milk and the warm water, because they indicate that he’s attuned to her needs.
He noticed that she was staring at his Asimov book and reminded her to focus.
DJ: Focus on your homework. Drink your milk first. It’s better when it’s warm. (reaching for the bottle to open it for her)
SZ: (taking it away)
DJ: What’s wrong?
SZ: (stashing it in her backpack)
DJ: You act as if I’ll take it from you.
SZ: (ignoring him)
DJ: Meimei. Are you angry at me because of my joke? You haven’t said anything.
He meant calling her an ingrate and threatening that she’s dead meat if he doesn’t find a girlfriend. He’s discovering that she can be sensitive to his teasing.
b. Although he preached about “not asking someone to do” the homework for her, he came prepared to help her with his pre-written essay.
DJ: Wait! (stuffing the essay in the backpack)
SZ: What is this?
DJ: I stole a peek at your essay, so I wrote a new one as compensation.
SZ: You…You read my essay?
DJ: (nodding) I wrote it for fun. Bye!
SZ: What? Last night…
Well, he didn’t have to write one as “compensation” if he didn’t confess reading her essay. Methinks, he was killing two birds (no, three!) with one stone.
One, he wrote the essay to assuage his guilt…just like he admitted.
Two, he wrote the essay as a backup, in case she couldn’t complete her essay before school started. I think Sang Zhi instinctively knew that he wrote it to help her out. She was about to remind him that “last night” he nagged her about asking anyone to do her task for her. But before she could say another word, he walked away.
Famous last words….
When her classmate asked her if the letter was a love letter, she replied, “No, it’s yesterday’s homework.”
I think, literally, it’s her homework because he wrote it for her. He made the topic was topical (e.g., it was about helping her brother move yesterday). He included “dot.dot.dot” because he expected her fill in the blanks with more details after his prompt.
and he made it sound childish as if an elementary student wrote it.
Lol. Did you get that? Duan Jia Xu was attempting to sound like a young girl.
And three, he wrote the essay because the post-script was the “secret” he wanted her to know.
Remember what I said in my Episode 1: My First Impressions? I pointed out that Chapter One was entitled, “Waiting. A Secret Kept” and that the “End of Eternity” comes when the secrets are finally revealed. Well…the post-script was his secret. Ha!
This is the essay he wrote for her.
Helping my brother move
Today I helped my brother move into his dorm. My brother has so many things. I don’t know why a guy like him has so many useless things.… Thankfully I was there to help him. Luckily, the silver lining is that I saw my brother’s roommate whom I had not seen in years. Although he called me a thief upon seeing me, I know he was only joking with me. Seeing that he has helped me before and want to help me again, I won’t hold any grudges this time. From now on I won’t call him old either.
He wrote the essay from Sang Zhi’s point of view, which I thought was sneaky. Why? Because he was instructing her on how to view their last meeting without directly saying so. Not only was he apologizing for calling her a thief, he was also urging her not to view him like a dinosaur.
But smarty-pants Sang Zhi knew that DJ was attempting to appeal to her through his essay. She vowed that she’d continue to call him “old.”
Also, the the fox plushy that he gave me is not ugly at all. However, I still want a brother like him. As for my brother, he can go anywhere he wants. If anyone wants him just take my brother away. P.S. That boy told me he was also very happy to see Sang Zhi again.
In other words, that’s his secret.
Frankly, it surprised me that he wasn’t shy to let her know that he was very happy to see her again after three years.
2. On the meaning of Chapter 2
The complete title is “Closer. What Made Me Meet Someone Like You.”
That’s a mystery to me. I can’t exactly tell what made her meet someone like him, and vice versa.
On a superficial level, their meetings may be attributed to fate.
But on a realistic level, their second meetings were due to their conscious decisions to create opportunities to see each other. For instance, Sang Zhi persuaded her parents and brother to allow her to help him move on the off chance that Duan JiaXu would be there.
Brother: Dad, can I borrow you car this morning? I’m fetching my roommate’s things too.
SZ: (perking up)
Dad: Yes, as long as you don’t bully Sang Zhi.
Brother: Okay. I’ll try not to.
SZ: Which roommate?
Brother: Why do you ask?
SZ: (offers him dumpling)
Brother: What do you want?
SZ: Sang Yan, how about I help you move?
Her brother was skeptical about her motives, but she insisted.
Brother: Go to school.
SZ: I can go after school. You won’t be done that early anyway. May I?
Mom: Zhizhi. Your art science subject tests are in a few days. You have to study in school
SZ: I’ve already done the revision. I can take time off.
Brother: Do your revision. Besides, I’m sure I’ll have finished moving by the time you come.
SZ: Mom, Dad. Sang Yan hasn’t been home in a long time. I’ve been missing him so much.
Brother: (eye-rolling)
SZ: I’m grown up now and I should do something for him.
Her parents took her side.
Brother: How can she help? My things are heavy! She can’t move them at all. I’ll have to keep her from getting hurt. If she gets hurt, I’ll be in big trouble when I come home.
Mom: Just let her keep an eye on your things. Isn’t that good?
SZ: (pretending to have big eyes to watch over his things).
See that? She had to argue and lie just to arrange to meet him “accidentally.
As for DJ, despite his busy work schedule, he made time to meet her first thing in the morning to hand her composition notebook and watch her complete her homework. He also hid from her brother the fact that he was meeting up with her.
Brother: Was is it? What did you forget?
DJ: It’s trivial.
Well, if it was truly that trivial, then he would’ve no problem telling him. Conveniently, he learned that Sang Yan had to go to the library first thing in the morning to work on his research paper. Sang Yan would’ve complained if Sang Zhi asked him to deliver her notebook to her at school.
Undoubtedly, fate lent DJ and Sang Zhi a helping hand, but they also ensured that their “accidental” meeting would take place by showing up at appointed time and place. (In DJ’s case, he showed up earlier to prepare. Bravo!)
3. Her diary entry
September 17th, Thursday
That boy told me he was happy to see Sang Zhi again.
Others may perceive his confession as flirting and/or grooming but I presume innocence and believe in the sincerity of his words. Seriously, it would be a crying shame if young people were forced to bottle up their feelings or to pretend to be aloof out of fear of being accused of perversion or suspected of grooming.
4. More teasing
Brother: (addressing DJ) You’re so sleepy.
Qian Fei: Aren’t you sacrificing your life for money?
DJ: Hurry up. I’m starving to death.
SZ: (thinking to herself) He’s working so hard, yet I’m always troubling him.
Qian Fei: …I should’ve lost weight.
DJ: Have you ever lost weight? (then he spots Sang Zhi staring at him) Why haven’t you greeted me since I got in the car? Hmm?
SZ: Hey, Gege.
DJ: (teasing her) Gege what?
SZ: Just Gege.
DJ: “You are handsome.”
SZ: (speechless at his audacity) No, you’re not.
DJ: Am I not? Then why did you blush when you saw me?
And the guys protested. This seemed to be DJ’s M.O. He liked to compliment himself. Note: this kind of public teasing isn’t grooming. He knew he wasn’t endearing himself to her when he joked with such narcissism.
Brother: You are always like this!
Qian Fei: Sang Yan. Do you remember the physical test when I ran 1,000 miles? I was out of breath when I completed it. Then, this guy came over and said, “Why did you blush when you saw me?” I almost fell in love with him!
SZ: (surreptitiously touching her cheeks to check if she’s blushing)
Brother: He says that even to dogs. Not just humans.
Qian Fei: Sang Zhi, ignore him. He is not a good guy.
Brother: He is not a good guy indeed.
DJ: Hey. Why are you sowing discord?
Qian Fei: Did I sow discord? Sang Zhi, did I sow discord?
SZ: I don’t think he’s a good guy either.
DJ: (disgruntled) I’m not a good guy? Fine. I’m not a good guy.
His teasing boomeranged on him. He couldn’t bring up the number of occasions he’d been good to her. So he sulked in the corner.
5. Her monthlies
This is not grooming either.
He helped her find the restroom, but he knew that it wasn’t his place to handle this situation. So he called her brother.
DJ: It’s that time of month for your sister.
Brother: What should I do?
DJ: Why are you asking me?
Brother: Buddy, do me a favor. Help me buy it.
DJ: Me? Buddy, is she your sister or mine?
Brother: It’s not necessarily a brother’s job. I’ve never done it over the years.
DJ: Enough nonsense. I’m at the supermarket right now. Come down immediately.
Brother: Fine. But it with me.
If he intended to groom her, then yeah, he could start sexualizing this moment. Instead, he let her brother deal with it himself. And not before he gave some advice.
DJ: Wait for your sister here. I’m going to find Qian Fei.
Brother: Nonsense. Wait for her with me. My sister is your sister.
DJ: Are you an idiot? After what happened, your sister will feel awkward if she sees me when she comes out.
I like this because he showed consideration for her feelings and set clear boundaries. Although they called each other “gege” and “meimei,” the fact remains that they weren’t blood related at all. It’s improper – and presumptuous – of him to act like brother and sister in this circumstance.
Brother: You’re right.
DJ: You had better think of an excuse as well. If Qian Fei asks, she won’t know what to say.
I like that he was thinking ahead. He was problem-solving for her because he anticipated her shyness and embarrassment.
Brother: Just say she played with claw machine after using the restroom.
DJ: Sure. (walking away)
After he got that all organized, he made sure she got warm water to drink for her menstrual cramps. Her brother didn’t even know about this simple remedy.
I must say that this whole scene about her menstruation could have been a cringe-y to watch. But I like the almost textbook case of how an older guy can display tact and care during a young girl’s most mortifying accident. In every step of the way, DJ did the right thing.
He walked behind her to hide the stain from plain view. Check!
He remembered to replace the stained black skirt with another black one. Check!
He downplayed the accident. Check!
He offered her a warm drink to relieve her pain. Check! Check!
On top of everything, he still paid attention to her food allergies. (Is this guy for real?)
Take note of this: had he been grooming her, he would have taken advantage of this situation to show how much she needed him and relied on him above everybody else. Instead of calling attention to himself, he withdrew into the background and allowed her brother to step up to the plate. That’s not grooming; that’s being a solid guy.
Next, Episode 3.
Thank you, @packmule3. I hope that you are well and enjoying your break.
I thought episode 1 revealed a lot about the characters – from the introduction of the roommates to their personalities. Episode 2 continued this revelation.
Fei is trying desperately to get a girlfriend and he is employing all sorts of tactics he has learned from the internet. His roommates mock him for his OTT (in their eyes) strategies. His dialogue is like background noise, but it says a lot about his character. He who laughs last laughs best.
I feel like Duan has taken on the role of teaching both San Yan and Sang Zhi how to interact with others in a more thoughtful way. This will continue into the next episodes. His kindness is underlined throughout this episode, yet he isn’t saintly — his humour is a bit goofy and self-mocking and, as you wrote, he’s not above getting disgruntled when others don’t play along.
@packmule3. I sort of repeated myself here. Please could you remove the first post which I didn’t realise I sent?
Check! Check! Check! Check! ☺️☺️☺️
Yes, DJ is for real, real for SZ. 🥰 Just like XN is for real to WeiWei. 🥰
I’ll make a list of everything that DJ gave to SZ, even those little things. ☺️
Thank you! 🙇🏻♀️
I read In Twitter that apparently the first director left the drama, it got delayed and budget got cut but Rosy asked friends (actors/actresses) to be in it and even asking for help with the characters wardrobe etc.
She really was the first choice of the producer and same with CZY. But when it was announced no one liked it and yeah they pretty much said it’s not gonna be a hit.
Well after a few episodes, it was announced as the first hit drama of the summer. 🥰
Done, @Fern.
I’m glad you wrote your thoughts down elsewhere before posting. I’ve lost many long replies because the blog “ate” my comment and I couldn’t re-type my thoughts again.
@agdr03,
what I found funny is DJ asking SZ to admire his handsome-ness. 😂😂
Have you seen how the actor CZY looked like BEFORE he “transformed”? I think he had plastic surgery! He isn’t naturally handsome like Yang Yang.
I’ll look for that interview with Rosy and CZY where Rosy teased him. Poor guy! It was a role reversal. He wanted to be “Gege” (older brother) but Rosy knew his weakness (his rapping and his pre-debut appearance) and teased him non-stop. I guess Rosy can be considered the veteran because she’s had more dramas/hits under her belt than CZY.
The guy never had anyone say to him that his handsome ok! 🤣
Did I post that video here? That was hilarious. 😂 Rosy knew where to press the buttons and yes it was his pre debut appearance. Poor guy gets electrocuted every time she starts singing, ‘when I came here…..’ 😂
I was wondering when I’ll have to bring up the fact that CZY may not be as handsome as YY. 😂
But I saw him in Mr Bad. He’s not bad looking ok. 🤣 But if he had plastic surgery then I’m happy that it turned out great for him. I think he’s got very expressive eyes. 😍
He’s not muscle-y too like YY. 😁
Yes, that’s the YT video!! Haha. Trust you to have already seen it!
It showed up on my feed. I usually don’t have time to watch YT vids but I couldn’t sleep last night. Jet lag and all.
Yes, she was singing “When I came here…” and he ran out of the room in embarrassment.
And yes, while his pre-debut face was nothing to write home about, the interviewer’s comment made it look worse. She told him, “If one day your talent exceeds your appearance, you’re really an artist.”
🤣🤣🤪😜
Ouch CZY! 😂😂😂
He’s proven his a good actor already especially in this drama! 🥰🥰🥰
I hope jet lag has left you by now. ☺️
Some bts of this drama are funny too. 😁
@agdr03,
Really interested in the history of the production. The replacement director was the woman who directed ‘Go Go Squid’, apparently.
Zhao Lusi wore her own clothes – brands that she is a public spokesperson for – and provided them too for CZY.
Along with other cast members, Victor Ma is a friend of hers as is – as you said earlier – the actress who played her mum.
Wayne Silence was persuaded to do a duet with ZL for the opening song …
And so it goes on.
So she was basically a co-producer on the show because she believed in it so much.
Gumption!
@Packmule3 – thank you for the careful analysis of the older brother versus grooming behaviours! Good to be reassured on that front.
It is, as you say, in part a cross-cultural conversation. What a shame if things get classified through a lens that doesn’t allow for the natural evolution of attraction etc in teenagers etc etc
I liked what you said about your own personal experience too – a safe place to grow up as a woman.
@agdr03 and @Packmule3 – I’ve been searching in vain for the YT film where ZL roasts CZY… if you have it easily to hand I’d love to see it.
I’ve also had difficulty finding pre-transformation pics for CZY – when was the transformation? I think it was a nose job??
While I was looking, I also found quite a lot of netizen gossip about CZY as a teenager posting sweary content on social media and explicit jokes etc. A bit of an uncouth lad! An image that is so different from his starring roles in ‘Hidden Life’ and ‘Our Secret’ In one of the interviews he talked about having changed over the past few years and I think that must be because of the backdrop of criticism of his earlier behaviour.
I know these things shouldn’t affect us – but I had rather built up this image of the sensitive, charming young actor. Clearly he’s had some rapid growing up to do in his role.
@agdr03 – when you have recovered from ‘Hidden Love’ – do check out ‘Our Secret’.
Hi @Kate ☺️
I only read about the production/director issue on Twitter but CZY did mention about the wardrobe problem at the press conference. Rosy asked around with her contacts. I’m so glad she did because the pre shooting of their clothes were bad as in its way olden times. 😂 Most of the props at SZ’s room are Rosy’s too. ☺️
She really really wanted to do this role and she even read the book too. I’m so happy she pursued it and believed in it. 🥰
I didn’t know it was the director of GGS. I liked that drama too. ☺️
Oh so CZY had those issues before so that’s probably why he said a couple of times that he follows men virtue. Like he was wearing socks at the hospital scene and at the tangled hair kissing scene, he was wearing a singlet. Rosy said he’s wearing a singlet like an old man. 😂
At least he learned his lesson then. I watched him in Mr Bad but I wasn’t so interested in him then until HL. 😃 I’ll email you the video of Rosy teasing him about his pre debut appearance. It’s from 14:40 onwards. The whole video itself was funny. 😂
I read on the grooming thing even before I watched it, there was even a China script writer who publicly criticised the drama for encouraging it and said that such a drama should never be done because it is teaching young girls the wrong things…something like that.
Honestly, I after watching it, I didn’t feel like DJ was trying to take advantage of the situation he has with her. He did not deliberately try to meet up with her, unlike SZ who obviously had a crush on him.
Throughout the episodes, it has been brought up again and again, the idea that he is 5 years older than her. AND that concept was something he agonized over when he first realized that he was drawn to her. It took his friend to convince him otherwise and that now she is no longer a little girl. SZ has time and time again, in the time he started to have feelings for her, emphasized that she is no longer a little girl who needs to be care for like a child, but an adult. She is more than capable of doing many things.
I felt like the scriptwriter was nagging us that she has grown up, she is no longer a child. At the same time, SZ was also stuck at the crush stage isn’t it? She clamped up and got nervous everytime he drew closer to her. That keeping the distance at arm’s length as “brotherly sisterly” relationship took a while to melt.
Lastly, I want to say which I said in Ep1 first impressions post comment, that DJ is the ‘nice’ brother of the two that he tries to make up for. He treats SZ as a little sister he can dote on.
@agdr03 and @kate, I have to catch up on what’s happening behind the scenes, I saw shot clips of what CZY was like in his early days though I found this audition video :O
https://twitter.com/afterrnoont/status/1679347588095705088?s=20
Oh this!! Can you see the Twitter Post? the translation of Duan Jiaxu’s diary?
https://twitter.com/wonwoncity/status/1678647993954705408?s=20
I quote this part:
“Despite being mischievous, she was quite adorable. I couldn’t help but think that if I had a younger sister, I wouldn’t be like Sangyan. I would definitely dote on her and give her whatever she wanted. Under her relentless pursuit, I compromised.”
Hi @agdr03,
Lee Ching Jung also directed Mr Bad – so there’s our link with CZY too:
https://mydramalist.com/people/44813-ching-jung-lee
I loved ‘Go Go Squid’ too… and thinking about it… there is the younger, naive but bright heroine crushing on the older guy … all to great comic effect!
@grace,
Just checked out your Twitter link to the post with DJ’s diary written by CZY!
How charming.
@grace,
I do understand the concerns of the Chinese screenwriter who denounced the drama for fear that it would encourage very SUSCEPTIBLE young girls to “live” for their crush/puppy love/imaginary boyfriend/pop-idol/current obsession/whatever. As a parent, I SHOULD be concerned about what’s being fed to my daughters via media entertainment.
That said, I believe that the best ways to counter what’s being shown on tv are a) conversation and b) education, rather than a blanket censorship. Talk and explain to the girls why some behaviors are viewed as risky, objectional, harmful, insidious, or dangerous. Enlighten them. We parents can’t always be with them to sieve out the undesirables but if we give them the tools and the mindset to recognize these undesirables, then our job as parents is half-complete.
Just like what I did with this post: I pointed out what’s considered grooming, and what’s not considered grooming. Note: it’s hard enough for grown-ups to spot grooming early in the relationship, so I can’t imagine a pre-teen or adolescent doing so with 100% accuracy.
On the opposite side, it’s not good either for girls (and boys) to always suspect something nefarious or perverted in a stranger’s kindness. Their innocence and belief in a kind good universe should be protected too as long as possible.
— BTW, many readers here often forget my stance on watching dramas. If I had daughters, kdramas/cdramas/kpop/netflix would surely NOT have been in their schedule till they were in college and had free time. Same goes with Tiktok, for that matter. There are only 24 hours a day and their days would have been heavily regimented by schoolwork, extra-curricular activities, spring/summer/fall/winter sports, travel teams, community service, clubs, language immersion abroad, church volunteerism, debate teams, ballet/gymnastics/cheer squad, orchestra/band music, painting, social hours, etiquette lessons, chess, orthodontist’s visits, and so on. Phew! I’m glad I didn’t have daughters….
@grace, thank you for the CZY diary. In an interview, CZY said that Xia Ju didn’t understand young girls’ hearts in the earlier episodes. I think this is true and not true. He didn’t recognise the crush, but he did recognise the appreciation and affection. When Sang Zhi asked him about his relationship status, he might have read between the lines and realised that she was asking for herself. But it’s normal, with his mindset, that he didn’t think of that.
What he did understand about Sang Zhi was that she needed guidance and encouragement to succeed as a person that her family, particularly her brother, didn’t give her. –Not that her family didn’t support her, but that she needed a particular type of guidance. Sometimes I think that the most spirited and intelligent people can be the hardest to teach because school bores them and their minds leap into tangents to what is being taught. I wrote in the Episode 1 thread about the high intelligence that both JX and SZ share. He was able to inspire and challenge her to study hard all the way through her University graduation as well as during her internship.
@packmule3, as a parent of daughters, it is indeed difficult to keep them off TV, films and social media, especially if their classmates are chatting about these things. Your list of after-school activities made me chuckle. I don’t think I could find etiquette lessons in our region if I tried, nor are there cheer squads! I guess the etiquette lessons start at home and can continue as online courses around here. I could segue into the calcified socio-economic lines outside of the USA, but I had better not.
SPOILER
I could feel the shock of Sang Yi’s family in later episodes when they learned that Sang Yi had an online boyfriend. I think I would have wanted to replace her smartphone with an old ‘brick’ that only had calling functions.
@Fern, I was thinking what else to add to Queen Chingu’s list but I was gobsmacked already. 😂
I believe there is a reason too that I don’t have daughters. 😬
@Fern, yes to the appreciation and admiration.
That time where DJ was working at the bubble tea place and he charged SZ an extra 1 yuan? Because she kept looking at him. 😂
He was still clueless then but he must have been surprised that SZ wanted to help him financially with what little she had.
I liked that conversation too about how to turn down a boy that likes you and that it’s better to put studies first in high school. I really felt bad for her classmate after confessing to like her. 😂
Here’s Rosy being a choreographer. 😄
CTO!
https://twitter.com/2_cardigin/status/1679118605764513795?s=46&t=BT0tHWWRRX1rx64As5f8XQ
@agdr03, it’s this thing: sometimes even nice people don’t know how to handle a situation. I don’t think she meant to hurt her classmate, she simply didn’t know how to act in an awkward situation. A bit like her brother, who also needed to be taught by DJ. DJ was so good at explaining both sides of the story and how to be considerate. It’s not natural for everyone. Young people can be particularly insensitive without meaning to be hurtful.
I also think perhaps DJ was shocked that SZ wanted to give him money. It must have made him feel like a charity case when a younger girl leaves money for him, even though he also could feel her generosity.
Someone mentioned that CZY himself made some errors on social media in the past. Everyone can learn to be better, right? I don’t hold it against him. I don’t know or care what was written, because if the content was very bad, he would never be hired.
😂
@agdr03,
Did you mean the activities I would’ve lined up if I had daughters?
I didn’t include:
Horseback riding
Irish step
Choir (but it’ll be okay if she drops out)
Piano/violin/cello (any musical instrument except bass and drums)
Babysitting/pet-sitting (so they’d learn to be responsible)
Floral arrangement (bec I had to do this so should they)
Cooking (bec I didn’t do this unfortunately so they should)
Calligraphy
MUN (Model UN)
Carpentry/Plumbing/Electrical systems 101 (so they’d know basics and wouldn’t be scammed or helpless)
Origami (for de-stressing)
Taekwondo (for self-defense)
Riflery (in case they want to enter a military academy or have a career in the military service, FBI, CIA, Secret Service or Homeland Security)
Summer Internship (never too early to network)
Coding
Latin
8+ APs (including AP Physics C and AP Calculus BC. None of those fluffy APs please)
Grade Point Average (at least 4.3 out of 4.0. This is doable with APs.)
You betcha I would’ve been tougher on daughters than sons. 😈😈 I assure you they wouldn’t have time either to watch dramas or to be drama queens.
I agree @Fern. She didn’t mean to hurt the classmate but she must have been shocked too when he said that he likes her hence she didn’t know how to handle it. That’s her first time experiencing that. ☺️
DJ asked SZ if she felt sorry for him and she said no. She said she’d help SY the same way.
I think CZY learned his lesson for sure. He wouldn’t survive the industry if he didn’t. ☺️
But that’s why I mentioned about what we talked about, him following the male virtue. 😄
Wow! What a list! 😱😱😱😂😂😂
I mean how many hours will her rest time be? 😄
😂😂😂
@Fern,
The etiquette lessons here are preparatory to cotillions. But even if my “imaginary daughters” don’t do cotillions, I want them to learn ballroom etiquette, restaurant etiquette, internet etiquette, traveling etiquette, workplace etiquette, etc. Sometimes, etiquette lessons are more acceptable to “rebellious” teenagers if they’re taught by a third party, rather than their parents. What I remember enjoying from my experience with these etiquette lessons were the father-and-daughter dances. I can say that my father was my first date AND my first dance. 🙂
Cheer? My nieces and goddaughters were given a choice: ballet, gymnastics, cheer, or taekwondo. They started with ballet but ended up doing their own thing. The two nieces who did cheer continued with it through college, surprisingly enough.
Exactly, @agdr03.
When she has rest time, she’ll want nothing but to rest. 😈😈
I think the most under-rated but most useful skill for teens to learn before going off to college is time management. The busier they are, the more organized they become. They must manage their time wisely or they can’t keep up. It’s sink or swim. ☠️
True. That I agree. I remember talking to my boys teachers exactly about this, time management.
@packmule3, I like the idea of basic practical carpentry, plumbing, electrics for women, even if they don’t use it for a career. Compared to in the States, it’s even harder here for women to get into trades, so girls have few role models, apart from on YouTube, for this and yes, scams happen. But there is a requirement here in the UK in most primary and secondary schools for some Design and Technology which includes some electrics, soldering, a bit of engineering, minor carpentry, things like that. Bird houses and windmills in primary school perhaps; small cars with a basic hand-made electric motor or other more advanced things in secondary. This is the basic type of course. Certainly there are more optional specialised courses as the children advance. I never learned any of that at school. I learned some from my father and grandfather.
We moved near the sea and my younger daughter learned some basic boat handling and safety (sail, kayak, RIB) in a club at her primary school. She also was in an orienteering course and learned about using a compass to get to destinations and outdoor survival/shelter building. Looking back on it, she had the opportunity to be in many of the sorts of activities you mentioned but spare time and limited numbers, especially horse riding, didn’t allow more. Apart from school, she got into athletics (track and field in the US) which took up much of her free time.
I don’t think we have shooting ranges here, except on military bases. My other daughter was in a similar group to the CCF in the States, so she got some training. She was club-averse, but took scuba diving in her own time.
In addition to Time Management for all teens, I would add Personal Financial management or some sort of Consumer’s Education to learn about budgeting, scams and investments. But I think we’ve posted about this before.
Wow! I love the conversations happening in the comments with regards to JX intentions and grooming.
I completely understand the stance of that initial producer because I, too, am very skeptical and critical of the whole plot. But at the same time, I leave room to feel my hopeless romanticism because, why not?
With regards to JX’s “flirting,” and inquiring about his “handsomeness,” I believe that that’s a really common M.O. around young adult men or just men in general who want to feel an ego boost. I had to deal with this a lot from my older male cousins who will always ask me “who is the most handsome out of all of us?” And then there is always that one sneaky older brother/cousin/friend who will instruct me to point at them or say their name. It’s kind of hilarious actually. BUT, I’m really glad for Quian Fei and Sang Yan during that situation for clearing it up. I appreciate that they have it in them to let SZ understand that it’s just JX being JX and that he means no malice. He just want to feel good about himself.
I love how he constantly emphasizes, explains and translates Sang Yan’s behavior to Sang Zhi in a way that brings her closer to her brother. I also appreciate how the original poster of this thread mentions how JX redirects Sang Zhi back to her family any chance he gets (SPOILER: he always tells her to go home and spend time with her family etc.)
In order for this type of age-gap relationship to work well during a critical period of growth for the 2 characters in their young adult lives, family intervention is required and encouraged. Cause realistically, if SZ were my daughter I would have my concerns as well just like her parents.
SOILER AHEAD:
On another note, I’m waiting for OP to get to the episode where Sang Yan drives JX and SZ to a meet up with their college friends. This is where everyone was surprised to see JX holding hands with SZ and they wonder how that could have happened when he said she was his sister. And then JX proceeds to mention something along the lines of “I only did that to hide my crush on her.” So that was a little concerning. I can’t wait for the discussion around this scene.