Because This is My First Life (BTIMFL): Episode 11

Episode 11 Title: Because This is My First Beach

First things first: we need a bus route to give us an idea where this Namhae Beach was.

If you want a recap, I highly recommend going to the dramabeans site. As I said elsewhere, I love how attentive the recappers are when describing the scenes. However, if you want a different understanding of the drama, without the squeals and bullshit, I think we can do a better job here.

One of the things I like about this Episode 11 is how calm and pragmatic JiHo was with her feelings for SeeHee.

Given the cold, unsentimental nature of SH, her no-nonsense approach is the best match for him, rather than a volatile and voluble personality. For instance, she anticipated SH to waiver and wiggle out of the trip to Namhae for kimchi-making but she didn’t nag him. She simply froze him out…which was more effective than tantrums.

Also, when she found scribbled notes in SH’s book of love poems, and she restrained any sign of jealousy and continued on the bus ride to Namhae and to surprise SH.

And when SH tried to put up a wall between them because his past failed romance, she gently but firmly pointed out that he, too, was newbie like her because it was HIS first time with HER.

Her composure showed a maturity which a person like SH needed. Despite looking very feminine and “ippeuda” in SH’s words, she didn’t wilt under disappointment, insecurity or stress. She didn’t have a faint heart. She showed great fortitude.

The second point I like about this episode is how JH’s inner monologues demonstrated to us her slow-developing understanding of SH’s personality.

In many dramas, especially when the lead characters are introspective and taciturn, there’s difficulty interpreting the silent stares and pregnant pauses correctly. lol. In kdramas, the “knowing glances” aren’t so “knowing.” Most of these moments-without-words can be easily misunderstood.

Thus, JH’s monologues served a purpose. They were like milestones or markers. At the beginning, JH doubted ever gaining SH’s affection. She mused, “There must be a way to reach someone’s heart. If there’s a way, there must be a place where it starts.” (JH’s quotes are from dramabeans)

But then she also realized that if there was a starting point for love to grow, then there must be an endpoint. She continued, “If there’s a way to reach someone’s heart, then there must be somewhere we can meet at the end.”

However, she understood, too, that her all efforts might possibly be doomed and futile. She wondered fearfully, “At the place where our hearts meet, can another path begin? But what I’m afraid of most is not that we have different paths, or that we’ll never meet on the way. It’s that there’s no path to your heart. That there might not be any way to reach your heart at all. That’s what I’m most afraid of.”

So, she resigned herself to being content with their present status quo. She reminded herself, “But for now, I can’t do anything about it. I don’t know the road to his heart, but he knows the road to make kimchi. That’s him. I came to like him. For now, that is enough.”

As it turned out, the beach became their meeting point.

SH said that he finally understood the reason people went to the beach to escape feeling trapped and wearied. The reason, he said, was to encounter one’s heart at the beach. When he kissed JH, she realized that she didn’t have to worry about finding his heart, because he — of his own volition — approached her first. In her surprise, she said, “Easily broken, the heart that might have been broken… that heart came to me.”

See that? Her monologues showed that she was quietly wrestling with her emotions.

The third and final aspect I like about this episode is the balance between SH and JH.

Despite the incongruity of their relationship, SH and JH actually complemented each other. At one scene, when SH was smirking at the odd dating contract signed by their mutual friends Sanggu and Suji, he observed that their friends were an unlikely couple. JH agreed but she chided him saying, “Well, we’re not in a position to say this.” Meaning, people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. They, too, were an odd couple to be MARRIED to each other. lol.

To SH, knowledge is acquired through empirical evidence. That was why he often threw out weird facts or quoted scientific studies when explaining a common social phenomenon (like the cat theory). To him, things happen because they follow an observable, rational pattern. Thus, based on his experience, SH feared that he would hurt somebody’s fragile heart again if he got involved romantically.

To JH, however, life is a constant mystery. She didn’t know and she didn’t expect to know what the future had in store for her. In her mind, things happen in life randomly and it wouldn’t do anybody any good to worry about something out of her control. That was why she ended up at SH’s apartment after she was assaulted. “It just happened that way.” That was why she could turn her back from her writing. “It just happened to be that way.” That was why she could propose to SH out of the blue. “It just happened to turn out that way.”

In a way, she was indeed a “scary girl” as her friends declared because she faced things head on, without fear. lol. For her, the present cannot be accurately predicted or avoided merely based on previous events. All she knew was that, as a couple, she and SH were about to encounter new things for the first time together.

SH conceded that she had point there. But of course, SH still would have the last word here. True, he had more experience when it came to kissing but he derived great pleasure – and she as well – teaching her and experiencing the kiss together for the first time. 🙂

So there you go.

For me, the trip to Namhae beach wasn’t a detour or a circular path in their romance. Kinda like the map above, the Namhae trip followed a linear direction, to represent their relationship.

As JH stated, SH already knew how to get there. What he didn’t expect was what he would find there upon arrival. He thought he was going to be involved in kimchi-making. He didn’t expect the surprise mystery – or should I say surprise DISCOVERY of love – waiting for him when he got there.