One of our shy readers emailed me about her observation on SH. I’d like to share half of her email with you, and tell me what you think. Oli? Table? Nearsea? Tamara? If you want to add something, go ahead.
This is what she wrote:
Have you noticed that SH is a major weeper? Don’t get me wrong. I’m totally into equal treatment for men and women, equal pay, equal rights to cry etc. So not to judge his character…. But they seem to emphasize the exponential increase in the probability of him crumbling into tears (cried/un-cried) in the vicinity of TH. From the beginning, in the bus, then in the pool, when they break up (copious quantities of the un-cried kind… To the extent that he passes out from partly the alcohol and partly the shock. I’d say the throw-up reflex would kick in before he faints from alcohol alone. I daresay I saw a lone tear shining in the light when he falls), in the hospital and now when they hug… He seems to weep much more than TH. They joke about it too when she gets hurt at the park. This is in such a stark contrast to his behavior around the “friends” he holds so dear to his heart.
It also occurs to me that maybe this is what they meant when they said TH is an “iron wall”. Maybe the “iron wall” is not to say she can’t be swayed by a man. She’s clearly desirous of “living with someone she loves”, but to indicate her stead fast attitude. She doesn’t crumble and stands tall and strong .(not that crying would imply a weakness. I hope I make sense.)
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This is my response.
Good observation!! Yes, I agree that SH is a major weeper. He certainly cries more than TH – and my own boys. 🙂 The last time I saw my sons cry was in elementary school. I remember one of them cried when he was in 4th grade because his team lost by a couple of shots in basketball. He was the point guard, the lead rebounder, and the lead scorer…so he definitely worked his heart out in the game; he wasn’t a slacker.
However, my husband, who was his coach, warned him that if he ever cried again, he would be benched the following game. Through sports, our boys learned to play hard, suck up defeat, say “Good game!” to the winner, and move on, despite feeling dejected and angry for the loss, and wanting to punch the opponent or the referee.
So, yes, I noticed that SH cried a lot for a 20 year old guy.
But that’s okay….
My guess is his tears when he’s TH shows that he doesn’t have to hold his real emotions in, and he can show his vulnerable side with her.
With SJ and SJoo, he presents another image. With them, he has to be this super-masculine, seductive, tough bad boy. He has a “player” image to uphold. Remember that time, when he told SJ that he “lost” the bet because he couldn’t make TH fall in love with him? SJ refused to believe him, insisting that he was SH, not SJoo, so how could he fail in his mission.
credit: sseureki
With TH, there’s no expectation that he should be the strong one.
As a matter of fact, HE teases TaeHee that she’s an animal and he’s her prey who needs to guard himself from her attack.
See? That’s why I insisted that when it comes to who’s the real seducer and seducee, in SH’s mind, HE’s the one being SEDUCED by TaeHee. He’s her prey.
He doesn’t mind being the “weaker” one with her around, and honestly, I think he likes the role reversal and that somebody else is taking care of him.
Remember:
TH was the one who got him out of the police station. She was his legal counselor, and he looked proudly at her as she defended him.
He liked it when she tied that scarf around his neck to protect him from the cold.
credit: jkdramaniac
It’s usually the guy who does it for the girl. Like here:
credit: aestheticsister
It was TH who knew how to fix the lights. And he wasn’t offended when she scolded him for clumsily scraping the wall. He knew he was being klutzy.
She wasn’t shy about talking condoms and warning him about expired one. He was the one left speechless.
credit: joyhwan
She also was the one to search for accommodation in the haneok that night they missed the last train. SH waited outside like a shy, virtuous lady. Pwahahaha. I remember that one drama I watched a long time ago, Creating Destiny. The girl stayed in car until the guy found a place for them to sleep in.
She assumed “guardianship” of him, too, in the hospital, and PAID his bill.
She was his science teacher who enlightened him about stars and ramen. He complained of a headache.
credit: kimp05
She was the one who told him to get a grip on reality because he was “fantasizing.” In other kdramas, it’s typically the girl who’s caught in this awkward situation. But not TaeHee.
credit: hyoominie
She won a lot of math competitions and was attending Seoul National University on college scholarship while he got his fairy tales mixed up. Usually, in kdramas, the girls are the stupid ones and the guys are the smarter one (I’m rolling my eyes at “Playful Kiss” and “It Started With a Kiss.” Puke-able misogynistic shows. )
At the nursing home, she was bossing him around and he offered to clean up while she made another plate.
Without beating around the bush, she told him that she wanted to be his girlfriend.
TH saved his precious head from being hit by a soccer ball. I still remember that scene Reply 1988 whe Taek’s quick reflex saved Deoksun.
credit: kimp05
He didn’t mind it when she expected him to eat food according to HER way.
credit: liveasbutterflies
He didn’t mind that she studied while he cooked, cleaned the house and organized her fridge.
And this one is a role reversal. It’s usually the guy who pinches the girl’s cheeks as the guy goes off to work.
credit: joyhwan
So, lol. Yes, SH does cry more than TH. He is more easily moved to tears than TH. But this characteristic is not surprising when you see that all along, TH has been depicted as the stronger one. 😀
She isn’t villainous, scheming or …ahem…“multi-layered” as SJ, but she’s definitely the boss in this story.
Thank you for emailing me. Feel free to post out here. I don’t usually check my email for this blog so I’m glad I caught yours today. 😀
Oh my god! I am a sucker for this kind of role reversals and love seeing them in this show too!
Yes, SH definitely cries a lot more than TH and yep, there’s even a role reversal in who is the seducer and who the seducee as you’ve said, I agree!! The show did a pretty good job at giving them good reasons to be the way they are. You’ve explained it well, SH is different with SooJi and SeJoo, they have a special dynamic there in which it’s them against the world, in which the boys help SooJi get revenge, in which they can be ruthless, cool, cold, cruel even. Outside of that trio he can be himself though, he can crumble, cry, not want to hurt people. Inside their friendship, because he cares about that friendship and what it expects of him he has to play a role. He makes me think of my boyfriend who wouldn’t hurt others and would never get into fights but years ago he did a fair amount of exactly that. His group of friends back in highschool and middle school, the ones in his neighborhood, were more gang-like. They’d fight other gangs and drink a lot so my bf would participate too even if he always tried not to actually fight. He was like that only with them and did it for similar reason I think SH has for being different inside the trio.
Anyway, back to crying. I had this conversation with a friend that started with the cover of some magazine in which a woman was praised for being strong. He said this world is wrong for always praising women and making such a big deal of it when they are strong (physically and not only) but there’s no equivalent for men. You would not see magazines or articles or commercials or big campaigns praising men for being vulnerable and it is wrong that society praises women for being more like men but not only doesn’t do the same to men if they are like women, they might even get ridiculed. His point was that society is unfair to men. I told him this is still a byproduct of patriarchy, men-like traits are praise in women because patriarchy made a world in which men-like is OK while woman-like is WRONG. Why would a man (the superior species) want to have the traits of the “inferior” woman? Sure the world evolved and most men don’t think of themselves as superior to women BUT things ingrained in us for so many generations don’t change so easily. Some stuff still linger. That’s why a woman being like a man is awesome now, men were better => men traits are cool to have. But women-like-traits are still seen a bit meh. Even the world “vulnerable” sounds like a negative thing.
Anyway, I also told him it’s not entirely true that society does not praise women-like-traits in men. There are places in the world and there are many women -at least- who adore and praise men that allow themselves to be human (which includes vulnerable too) and who don’t just try to fit the stupid role a misogynistic society attributes them. He may not have seen it on the cover of magazines (there might be even there, not like any of us were experts in magazine covers) but there are many places where traits that society told us are woman-like are shown and praised in men.
I think kdrama (at least the latest dramas) is one of them and it is one of the loveliest thing about the genre. That it allows men to be soft, to be vulnerable, weak. Sometimes it even goes over the top with this. Do they do it on purpose because the audience is mostly women? Do they do it to make up for the patriarchy which build a world in which men traits are praise worthy and women-traits are lame if non-women have them (non women as in men)? I don’t know why, but SH is surely part of this attempt to make a point about the fact that it’s cool and swoon worthy to have traits like that too. Sure he’s like that also to contrast with what is expected of him in the trio. He is not the cold hearted great seducer. He’s not the macho that hurts women.
True. I’ve always thought that kdrama writers have a moral responsibility to educate and enlighten the audience. They have the platform to do it: 2 hours a week of airtime. That’s more time than a priest or any religious minister has for “conversion of hearts” during his/her sermons and homilies. 😂
That word “vulnerable.” Have you watched the different versions of Pride and Prejudice? The famous one is the BBC version with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy. But there’s a “newer” one with Keira Knightley as Lizzie Bennett. If you watch version 2, the actor portrayed Mr Darcy as a vulnerable, shy, and insecure guy. Colin Firth’s interpretation was the closest to Jane Austen’s book version of Mr Darcy. Haughty, arrogant, self-assured.
But the version 2 (I’m sorry I forgot his name!) was the late 20th century interpretation of a ideal man. Vulnerable meant an awareness that he was NOT Superman, impervious to bullets, fistpunches, and emotions. He could feel pain, too, and it was no longer considered a weakness to admit it.
I’m quite surprised that the fangirls in tumblr who praised the multi-layered SooJi and dissed bland and boring TaeHee’s haven’t noticed the role reversal of TH. If they were so keen to spot the MANY layers of SJ, how come they didnt see the DUALITY in TH’s nature? 🙄
I would have called SooJi a bitch but that would be giving smart bitches like us a bad reputation by associating ourselves with the likes of her.😉
You can only change the mindset of people one step at a time, oli. But I’m glad you’re conversing with your male friend and making an effort to understand where you’re both coming from. It’s okay to celebrate the differences in women and men. I personally don’t want to be a man; I love my shoes too much. And being treated like a lady. 😈
with Pride and Prejudice I’ve only seen the BBC version and don’t remember it too clearly anyway. But I see what you’re saying with “vulnerable” and how the interpretation for an ideal man evolved. True.
I find it hard to believe people don’t notice the role reversal in TH since it’s so obvious but hey.. people can be wierd.
I’m unable to resist pitching in given the discussion on patriarchy. After all, email isn’t exactly a convenient platform for a discussion, is it? But Packmule3 is very kind 🙂
Apart from the patriarchal POV discussed here (to which I completely agree), there is another perspective which is that of “socialization”. This is a process wherein the traditional “roles” of humans are defined. This is actually where the “society” makes men and women out of children. The day you gift your daughter a doll and a kitchen set and your son may be some sports gear, you begin their molding into a woman and a man. The society defines them. They were born the same. You look at insurance ads for example. They’ll have a man’s arms around his family depicting his successful protection of his family. You see a movie and a swoon worthy hero will always lend his jacket to the lady. Now do you think logically speaking, a sub zero temperature would affect a man and a woman differently? Or that a man has any more power over natural disasters or illnesses than a woman? Or that him walking on the traffic side and making the lady walk on the pavement side makes any sense at all? He is as delicate against a 1.5 ton car as the lady. But we cultivate these learned behaviors ourselves and collectively as a society.
This is in contrast to what you see in the un-socialized wild nature. There, a female grizzly bear half the size of the male can kill him if he threatens her cubs – purely on adrenaline and the instinct to protect. SHE is the protector. SHE is the hunter. SHE is the one who teaches to hunt, to attack and to survive. SHE is THE animal. Just like Tae Hee.TH offers comfort, warmth and most importantly, a sense of security to SH – something which he severely lacks otherwise. When you look at the undisturbed nature, it isn’t exactly “role reversal”, but rather what Tae Hee, a female – has been perfected to do after millions of years of evolution – to nurture, to provide and to protect. 🙂
I 100 % agree with your post. Again I’m not well so if I make mistakes in this reply don’t mind it lol.
Let’s also not forget that HE was the one worried about his appearance (when they spent the night together) and therefore decided to get ready first so he could continue showing his good side. Don’t you normally hear stories of women doing that? lol.
“SH is different with SooJi and SeJoo, they have a special dynamic there in which it’s them against the world, in which the boys help SooJi get revenge, in which they can be ruthless, cool, cold, cruel even. Outside of that trio he can be himself though, he can crumble, cry, not want to hurt people. Inside their friendship, because he cares about that friendship and what it expects of him he has to play a role.”
-Exactly that Oli. SH’s whole demeanour changes when he’s with TH, and Dohwan portrays this well. SH’s voice is softer and there is this kid like playfulness and giddiness when he speaks to her. By his countenance alone you can tell who he’s with and who he is talking to. He is himself with her, no pretence, no expectations and no limitations. He’s not a boxed up person, who has to constantly fit into the toxic friendship he helped to create when he’s with TH. Going back and forth between stuffed in a box with his friends and liberation with TH will eventually be exhausting for him. I’m sure he’ll snap.
“but rather what Tae Hee, a female – has been perfected to do after millions of years of evolution – to nurture, to provide and to protect”
– Arihsia I love that. I think that is what Taehee is too. She’s had to survive on her own and what we see are are the natural instincts she’s picked up a long the way. She’s markedly different from Kyungjoo, Sooji and Hye Jeong, and this is were people fail to see the beauty of her character and find it difficult to understand why SH fell for her. They seem to be caught up in the “villainous, scheming or …ahem…“multi-layered” Sooji (as you so nicely put it packmule3 hahaa) and associate her character with strength (which is worrying), that they believe TH isn’t “bland, boring and the typical goody female lead character” in comparison.
People are also calling Teehee to take revenge…Why should Teehee take revenge? she doesn’t need to, her very presence is making them crumble without her having to scheme.
“I’m quite surprised that the fangirls in tumblr who praised the multi-layered SooJi and dissed bland and boring TaeHee’s haven’t noticed the role reversal of TH. If they were so keen to spot the MANY layers of SJ, how come they didnt see the DUALITY in TH’s nature?”
-Right? and they’re still asking the writer where is the strong character they promised. I’m so done with these people lol
😂👍you’re right about the hair! Thanks for pointing that out. That puzzled me too. Really?? He’s worried about his bangs?! Who rushes off to fix his hair? But we girls do that. I do that. I can’t go outside the bedroom in the morning without at least washing up, brushing my teeth and putting on mascara.
Another stereotype: when he didn’t want to go in the guest haneok. TaeHee assured him that it was alright. SHE wouldn’t lay a finger on him. 😂
And another: when he packed his toothbrush and SHE didn’t.😂😂 That was gross, borrowing somebody else’s toothbrush. I always carry one in my makeup kit, complete with toothpaste, floss and mints. I don’t leave the house without my makeup kit.
He was planning to bring a big weekend bag, too. I always overpack when I travel.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband decided to surprise me with an overnight to the beach. 😂 He was ready to go in less than half an hour, packing only a small kit. I needed more than an hour, bec I had to look for my floppy hat, my wide-brim hat (for the sun), my baseball cap (in case we wanted to put the convertible top down), sunscreen, and 5 pairs of shoes, including the right heels for dancing tango. 😂😂🤦♂️
My “essentials” = prepared for a shipwreck for two
His “essentials” = me 😆
👍👍👍 I’m glad you delurked!! See? That wasn’t so bad. When I first started posting on soompi I too disliked the idea of leaving a digital footprint. I guess I’m more used to published works in PRINT where papers needed to be peer-reviewed or “vetted” before publication. In the internet, however, any thing goes. Posting on the internet is like venturing into the Old Wild West for me: dangerous.
Yes. TaeHee is the “animal” here. Thank you for your explanation. It’s funny how it took me three repetitions or three “shout-outs” from SH to figure out what the writer was doing to TH’s character.
It didn’t hit me as strange that TH was good in the sciences, math, logic, law, debate, etc. It didn’t strike me as odd that she could fix lights, that she could tell SH straight-to-his-face that she wanted to be his girlfriend, and that she could flirt openly. Lol.
“Good for her!” was my reaction.
But I was a bit puzzled, if not occasionally annoyed with SH, that he couldn’t do those things HIMSELF, like be good in math, sciences, logic, fixing things, recognizing feelings, taking care of himself, self-awareness, and so on.
There are things that go beyond gender stereotypes. For instance we raised our sons to know how to cook, budget, shop, clean house, do laundry, iron, sew, garden, and other things traditionally known as “female” chores because I assumed that 1) they would be living on their own after college, and 2) their wives would be working outside the homes (like me) and household chores should be done by both of them (like my husband and me).
However I’ve noticed that their girlfriends haven’t waded in the traditional “male” chores, like carpentry, fixing cars, plumbing, raking leaves, shoveling snow, driving long distances, changing lights and flat tires, and “bringing home the bacon.” 😏
Not only that, my sons are better than the girls at cooking, budgeting, grocery-shopping, and cleaning house. 😆
I fear that I might have gone overboard with my sons’ education: I raised them to spoil their girlfriends and future wives. 😜
Please do post more of your insights. I enjoy reading them. It’s always fun to have diverse – and mature – POV from posters. It keeps us all mentally occupied and challenges us to go beyond a fangirl’s kdrama appreciation.
I don’t mind gushing over cutiepies but there’s only a finite number of ways to say that SJ, TH and SH are cute before boredom sets in.
I’ve finally had time to catch up with the comments here. So many great points, from Arihsia talking about how gender roles are learned (I’m still not sure what is objectively female/male-traits outside of learned behaviour honestly) to Tamara pointing out SH being worried about his appearance in the morning lol and packmule about your sons.. I didn’t really think about that but it’s so true.. “I’ve noticed that their girlfriends haven’t waded in the traditional “male” chores, like carpentry, fixing cars, plumbing, raking leaves, shoveling snow, driving long distances, changing lights and flat tires, and “bringing home the bacon.”” I’m pretty sure girls are taught to bring home the bacon too 🙂 But the rest.. I’m not sure. I mean, changing lights, shoveling snow, lets be serious, we all do that too (don’t we?). But fixing cars/carpentry/fixing god knows what nope…… not really.. Statistically, that is, I bet there are very few cases in which when the bed breaks (lol example I know, can happen though) the girl jumps and gets wood and nails to fix it while the boy watches over asking only if he can hold something while the girl does all the actual work.
Great post, and great comments by everyone. I hadn’t really paid much attention to SH character crying since male characters crying is pretty standard in K Dramas, but I do see now the gender role reversal of Tae Hee & Shi Hyun in many aspects. One thing that struck me was often Tae Hee will berate or yell at Shi Hyun (example when he scraped the wall with the ladder). This type of behavior is often seen in K Drama male leads, not female leads, who react more like Shi Hyun does.
I know, right? When she yelled at SH for scraping that wall, I thought to myself, “Whoa, girl! PMS?”
But then, she felt guilty afterwards. I never felt guilty once about PMS’ing. lol.