Before all the drama and fanwars about the husband-guessing game, there was the focus on the family.

In this episode, I thought the title of the series, “Answer Me 1988” or “Reply 1988” was neatly introduced.

To me, the title meant three things.

A. The narrator (aka Deoksun) was wondering if she could travel back in time and tell her 18-year-old self a word of wisdom, what would that be?

B. If she was to reflect on that year 1988, what lesson could she glean from it? Or when she looked back in time, what event happened that year that became the turning point and influenced her later life?

C. Everybody – in particular, parents and children — during that year 1988 was encountering a problem communicating. It was the time when the teenagers were slowly growing apart from their parents, and both parents and children were navigating uncharted waters in this new relationship. They were all looking for answers and some answers came easily, some came a hard way, and some wouldn’t come at all till much later.

Take for instance the relationship between Sunwoo and his mom. Of all the familial bonds there, they seemed to be the closest. The mom always bragged about knowing the inside scoop regarding Sunwoo’s school and friends. So when she found that pack of cigarettes under SW’s desk, she freaked out. Her son denied that those cigarettes were his, but she didn’t want to listen to him.

Mom: Since when did you start smoking. Tell me truthfully. (note: the variation of the title here. “Answer me”)

SW: No. This isn’t mine.
Mom: (accusatory) What do you do these days? You do weird things, right?
SW: It’s not mine.
Mom: (more suspicious) Do you know how I raised you? Do you really want to see me die? You hang out with bad kids and smoke. Why are you like this these days?

Her insecurity: she’s a single mom. She’s worried that he was joining the bad peers at school because she was an inept and incompetent parent.

SW: When did I? Why are you like this suddenly? I said that it’s not mine.
Mom: (the root cause of her suspicions: the bandage on his face) Then what’s this on your face? What happened to your face? Did you fight with someone? Did someone hit you? Are you really not going to tell me? Are you being like this because you have no dad? I’m just your mom, so you don’t care what I say?
SW: Mom! Mom…this happened while I was shaving. I cut myself while shaving.
Mom: (shocked. Then feeling guilty because of her wild accusation. She started crying.)
SW: Oh, Mom. Why is our mom like this again? Really, whys is our mom like this. Mom, mom. mom. mom. Mom, I’m fine. My friends said that this happens at first, to everyone. It’s not because of Dad.

To me, Sunwoo’s mom asked a question “Is this your cigarette?” but her real question was, “Am I raising you right?” Her answer was immediate. Yes, she was raising a decent and loving son.

In comparison, there’s the relationship between Jung Hwan and his mom. This wasn’t an easy relationship because JH was a closed book to his mom, and he preferred it that way. The mom had been asking him whether he had anything to say to her, but he remained non-communicative.

Mom: JungHwan.
JH: Yes?
Mom: Don’t you have nothing to say to me?
JH: I don’t.
Mom: I heard that you took a test.
JH: Ah, yes, I did. (not looking at her)
Mom: Did you do well?
JH: Yes. (silence) Ah yes. I got first place.
Mom: Then, why did you tell me? (Note the variation of the title here. “Answer me.”)

JH: It’s not like it gets counted into the grades.
Mom: I want to know everything. Please tell me these things, too. Do you know how much I envy SunWoo’s mom? She says that Sunwoo tells her everything. Though it’s not everything, you think about it and pick a few things to tell me about. It’s because I’m embarrassed when I’m with the ahjummas. Understand?

Her insecurity: she’s losing contact with her growing son. She isn’t really worried about the other ahjummas. She’s always been willing to give him space, but she was also afraid that the growing distance between her and JH would one day become unbridgeable.

Mom: Answer me. (The title!)
JH: I understand.
Mom: Study. (she stood up to leave then returned to hug him)
JH: Mom! I….buy me some sneakers. I lost them.

And she smiled. The following day however…

Mom: Son! Do you want to go together to buy sneakers today?
JH: No. Just give me the money.
Mom: Okay, I understand.

To me, JungHwan’s mom asked a question, “How’s school?” but her real question was, “Will you let me in your life, son?” Her answer was a) be patient, and b) when he was ready. lol.

But if there was anybody in this whole story who wanted answers most desperately, it was Deoksun.

This was her coming-of-age story and it was clear when she insisted that her birthday be celebrated separately from her sister.

She was her own person. And this was the year she wanted to emerge out of the obscurity of being a middle child. Her outburst hit me in the guts. How many times did she have to tell her parents that she wanted her own birthday party?

DS: I told you that I didn’t want to do it with Unni! I told you! Why do you never listen to me? I told you, Mom and Dad, that I didn’t want to do a birthday party with Unni!
Mom: Let’s do it this year, and I’ll do it separately next year.

DS: You said that last year, and the year before last! Why do you that to me? Do I seem like a pushover? Am I person you can treat however you want to? How come I am the only one you don’t make fried eggs for? I really like fried eggs. You only give me soy sauce beans. I don’t like soy sauce beans, either. And why do you only buy No Eul World Cup Cone ice cream? Even the fried chicken! Ahjussi gave it for only me to eat. But you gave the drumsticks to Unni and No Eul and gave me the wings. I know how to eat drumsticks, too!
Dad: Deoksun-ah.
DS: And why am I Deoksun? I asked why am I only Deoksun? Unni is Bora and he is No Eul, but why am I only Deoksun? I said why is my name Deoksun?

And that’s her whole “Answer me” theme. Her insecurity: That she was insignificant and she didn’t matter to anybody. It’s as if people overlooked and dismissed her easily because she was easy-going.

And her answer came from her dad the following day. The dad asked for forgiveness because he was an inexperienced dad.

Years later, when Deoksun grew up and remembered this moment in 1988, she realized that her angry feelings of being neglected had just been an temporary disillusion. She had always been loved. “In the end, the thing that helps us break down the walls between us, is not the head that thinks. But in the end, it’s the heart that holds us together hand-in-hand without letting go. In the end, it’s family.”

Now, for the Epilogue, I’ve to make a note here. She only discussed her husband. This was her interview answer.

November 2015.

What was the question again? (lol. This was her Reply in 2015).

When did we first meet? I’m sorry. When I was young I inhaled so much coal gas. It’s been decades since we first met. We grew up in the same alley. I didn’t know I’d marry him. Not even in my dreams. I mustn’t have been in my right mind. I was crazy.  Truly, I inhaled the most coal gas in Ssangmun-dong.  For a very long time. About 20 years? I think I wasn’t in my right mind because of that. My husband is lucky. How else could he get such a beautiful wife?

The funny thing is she introduced everybody’s name except for Taek. (Hey….I’m not Korean and I don’t understand Korean so go ahead and listen to it yourself. Please correct me if I’m wrong.)

She said this was Ryu Dong Ryong.

And I heard her say Kim Jung Hwan’s name.

But I didn’t hear her say, “This is Choi Taek.” She merely said this is the owner of the room who plays Baduk well. She added, “What’s the use (of playing Baduk) here. He’s a complete idiot here.”

I heard her say SunWoo’s name, too. Although she didn’t mention the last name because…lol…he has the last name as hers. This would become an issue later on.  Note: She and SunWoo have the same birth date and last name, Sung. They could be twins!

Last, she introduced herself. Note: she didn’t say her name, like she didn’t say Taek’s name. She took it for granted that people would know who she and Taek were. That was the first hint of this whole husband-hunting game.

🙂

@agdr03 and I are doing a re-watch of Reply 1988.  This was televised four years ago, starting November 6, 2015 and ending on January 16, 2016.

I hope y’all can join us.