The word “some” has popped up in two kdramas I’m currently watching,
in Ep 5 of “Little Women”
Choi Doil: I’ve always made sure not to mix business with pleasure until now. But we’re not dating I swear. A fling, perhaps?
Netflix subbed “some” as “fling.”
and in the premiere episode of “Love is for Suckers.”
Male Lead: You’ve just been rejected by a guy six years younger than you?! Huh? Wow. What a disgrace. So disgraceful. Let’s stop eating and go to sleep, please.
Female Lead: JaeHoon, my wound from breaking up is so painful.
Male Lead: Nooo. How is it a break-up when it ended after some flirting?
I think Viki subbed “some” as “flirting.”
Female Lead: Sometimes, failed flirting is much worse than breaking up in a relationship.
Male Lead: YeoRum, be a bit more cool.
Female Lead: I hate that word, “cool.” And I abhor the word “some.”
Viki subber kindly made an annotation for us viewers. “Flirting, as in ‘something’ is going on between two people.”)
Male Lead: Why do you hate “some”? It’s so rational.
Female Lead: I want to raise an uprising against the malicious social phenomenon in which I feel similar feelings of love without any responsibility.
In other words, she’s protesting against this current social phenomenon called “some.” It’s a feeling akin to love but without responsibility associated with loving someone. To her, it’s a cop out.
Male Lead: (protesting) I mean, try resetting your mindset. While enjoying the excitement and joy of dating, you get to avoid commitment and the tiring cons of being in a relationship.
JaeHoon is obviously for this “some” relationship. According to him, one can feel the thrill of dating without being burdened by the drawbacks of dating.
Female Lead: Mmm. Sounds like bullshit.
Male Lead: Accept “some” as part of your daily life. Like eating and pooping.
Female Lead: Are eating and pooping a trivial matter to you? If we don’t do those things, we’re dead.
Male Lead: Nooo. This is why John Jang cut it off with you!
Female Lead: Shit.
Male Lead: Who dates an old fogey girl like you these days?
Female Lead: Who are you calling old fogey? How is treating someone’s feelings seriously being an old fogey? Huh? How?
JaeHoon meant that she’s conservative, traditionalist, stick-in-the-mud and set in her ways. She isn’t hip and modern.
But she has a point.
Here’s my definition of “some.”
It’s a relationship status when the couple have moved from just being friends but haven’t declared that they’re exclusively dating each other. Because it’s an interim stage between singledom and couplehood, it’s often marked by confusion, ambiguity and frustration. The female lead in “Love is for Suckers” adamantly opposes it because she hates a) the feeling of being kept on tenterhooks, and b) the lack of commitment. But the male lead thinks she should move with the times.
The word “some” came from the English word “something” as in “there may be something there that wasn’t there before.”
I first heard of the word in 2014 when the song “Some” by Soyou and Junggigo became a hit.
A poster from Youtube named “泰熊” translated the text messages. I’ll edit the capitalization and a few words because I’m not used to text-speech. I’m an old fogey, myself.
Boy: What are you do today? Shall we watch a movie?
Girl: Today? I have another schedule.
Boy: Okay…
Girl: Then I’ll try to reschedule it!
Boy: (YEAAHH) Okey dokey it’s a date after a long time^_^Girl: Date?? Haha you’re overacting.
Boy: (T T) Ah..haha you’re right. It’s not a date..
Boy: I think I can’t go because I just got another event… sorry
Girl: Really? Okay..!! Can’t help it TT
Girl: ‘Oh, then what if I go to him?’Girl: You dumb! -_-^ Where are you? Are you busy?
Boy: Yeah, I’m busy. I’ll text you later (^~^)
The lyrics, courtesy of kpoplyrics.net.
Some
Sometimes, I get annoyed without even knowing
But my feelings for you haven’t changed
Maybe I’m the weird one, I thought
As I struggled by myselfWhile tossing and turning alone in an empty room
The TV plays reruns of yesterday’s drama
As I hold my phone that doesn’t ring until I sleepThese days, it feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine but not
It feels like I’m yours, it seems like I’m yours but not
What are we? I’m confused, don’t be aloof
It feels like we’re lovers, it seems like we’re lovers but not
Whenever you see me, you act so vague to me
These days, I hate hearing that I’m just like a friendI want to open my eyes to your text every morning
I want to fall asleep with your voice at the end of the day
On the weekends, I want to hug you in front of a lot of people as if I’m showing offThese days, it feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine but not
It feels like I’m yours, it seems like I’m yours but not
These days, I hate hearing that I’m just like a friendI don’t like you, don’t like you these days
But I only have you, I only have you
Clearly draw the line for me
Don’t pull out but confess your love to mePretending that we’re just friends, acting like we’re lovers, don’t do that
The more I think about it, I get more curious about your real feelings
Girl you’re so ambiguous, I can’t do anything or maybe I’m expecting a miracle, lotto
I want a clear sign but I forget all about it when I see your smileThese days, it feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine but not
It feels like I’m yours, it seems like I’m yours but not
Don’t just laugh like you don’t know and stop this now, be real with me
Don’t put me in your heart and look elsewhere
Why don’t you stop acting like you don’t know when you do know?
Don’t give excuses that you’re tired but hurry and tell me, I love youSource: kpoplyrics.net/some
If you ask me, this song has more impact and relevance than any of the songs done by BTS. It captures the zeitgeist of modern dating.
I’ve never heard that song before, thanks for sharing. My first introduction to the term was in Fight For My Way. I can’t remember the episode but it’s when they’re away and she asks him to clear up the confusion and she said is this some? And he said something like I don’t do all that. Now that I think about it, I might enjoy a rewatch of that show. That part still sticks with me because I remember thinking ahh what an apt term for that murky area where We aren’t official and we aren’t nothing but we are something.
@packmule3 and @birdie007, I think we see this phrase, “what are we” in so many dramas. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but usually it is the wo,an asking the man. It always seems sexist to me. There are so many commitment phobic daters today.stating the obvioud Love In Contract shows.
Thanks for starting us on a train of thought, @pkml3.
What you transcribed captures what I believe is the way of thinking now.
It’s the ‘Let’s have our cake and eat it’ attitude and it bugs me.
It’s like saying, ‘Let’s agree to make use each other (like we use objects) for fun, for as long as the fun lasts and then drop each other without any ill feelings, whenever either one of us has had enough.’ Then it’s off to look for another ‘object’ to use or to be used.
There is a great loss of respect for persons in this attitude: respect for others and for self. There is also insecurity, immaturity, selfishness, but no love.
It’s sad to know that generations of people are going to experience these kinds of unloving relationships in the name of ‘being in’ and not to be thought old fogeys. Or because they are pressured to do so or be alone.
Which brings me to another thought … some in their 20s and 30s who do not wish to be objects or treat others as objects have shared that the dating scene is fraught. Often it’s the boy (XY) who only wants to date or to have ‘some’, meaning they want not only the normal thrill of having someone to be attentive to and get attention from, but to also sleep with any girl (XX) who will go out with them, without ever entering into any commitment at all. They call it dating and say it’s part of dating to pressure the other party. If the (usually) girl says ‘no’, then there is no dating life for XX.
XX have said it’s becoming impossible to find a good life partner. They ask: How to consider a partner good, when they wants to use them first, when they want to sleep around to try out how well they fit before even committing to dating?
I hope it’s not entirely gone, the days when finding out how we fit for marriage is not based on how sex is at all (a bad indicator, by the way) but on the willingness to work out differences, to have enough in common and the ability to communicate in words!
@GB, So true!It’s like friends with benefits-usually the Benefit goes to the male in the relationship and sex just causes unnecessary complications. Relationships to be good require emotional commitments. Otherwise it is just lust and that is fleeting. And in order for a relationship to be healthy, the partners need to like themselves and each other and to also respect one another. I also think true friendship to live is the best. In Dramas I like the slow burn.
Hi @OAL, yes, the willingness to put oneself out there, to be emotionally vulnerable, seems from the common practice of ‘Some’ to have become a scarce commodity. Hurts and being defensive and insecure and treating others the same way (to protect self), leading to more hurt and insecurity all around could be the vicious cycle that continues to make ‘Some’ such a big ‘in’ thing.
‘Some’, (I feel) is the mass reaction towards hurt that may have happened or be anticipated. To behave as if it’s ‘normal’ and to pretend to not care. In effect, I feel that those who engage in ‘Some’ are lying to themselves if they think they are keeping themselves safe or if they say they are happy.
Vulnerability was what stood out for me in the attitude of the FL in Liar Game, and that of the FL and the Dragon in Love Between Fairy and Devil. They faced bad treatment but never lost the ability to still respect themselves, to still respect others and to be vulnerable again. It’s an attitude totally opposed to putting oneself first, at the expense of others. Opposed to the ‘usual’ attitude of revenge or giving as good as one gets.
Being repeatedly vulnerable by standing firm on what’s right, can involve a lot of hurt, but it’s actually the true and right way. Retaining one’s self-respect offers a deeper contentment than transitory pleasure.
I do like the true friendship-to true love trajectory too. I feel that it’s so important for spouses to be good friends throughout their lives. The slow burn is always exciting… but it needs to keep burning a bit hotter each episode or have realistic ups and downs or I’ll start remotely haranguing the writer/PD LOL.
This is so timely @Packmule3! I was very struck by those types of themes in ‘Love is for Suckers’. This wider discussion is great. Thank you too for the BTS song – I will follow that up.
I am enjoying Love is for Suckers and its treatment of today’s relationships … including someone who claims to have 100 ‘some’ relationships!
In the same vein, another woman stands up for herself after shoddy blind date treatment. She gives the man a lesson. She tells him about all the work that went into that one blind date – buying a dress, getting her hair done etc. She is not prepared to be dismissed so disrespectfully. She doesn’t ‘play it cool’ but is stronger for letting him know what a woman should expect on a date.
Such a good theme to explore.
@GB and @OAL – I enjoyed and agreed with your comments too.
Yes, the balance of ‘benefit’ does tend towards the man – I think the writer of LofS is making this point in the first 2 episodes and yes ‘pretending not to care’ does seem to be the name of the game and those dramas where that ‘duty not to care in order to be seen to be cool’ are so refreshing and truthful.
@GB – agree on the need for incremental hotness when it is a friends to lovers story!
and those dramas where that ‘duty…’ *is challenged* are so refreshing…
Apologies for posting in haste before the working day!
@birdie007 – Fight for My Way! I don’t remember ‘some’ appearing in that show. That’s one I want to re-watch at some point too.
@gb, your in your comment the “have your cake and eat it” reminded me of one of my mother’s favorite sayings that I’ve found myself repeating—‘why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?’
I’ve now watched episode 1 but not 2.
• I’m a bit confused on his job. He’s a plastic surgeon but doesn’t perform surgery and only does in office procedures part time??
• I really liked the character on the blind date. Has there been a show where the 2FL was preferred? I can’t think of one. Although the FL was fine so whatever. When she (2FL)confronted him about his rude behavior at the lunch I wanted to clap. Just because you aren’t making lewd comments or talking about how older women are more economical like the chef, doesn’t mean you aren’t still an asshole for showing up to a date like that and being so inconsiderate.
@birdie007
Hmmm ‘why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?’??? It sounds like the girl is the willing ‘cow’ (oh dear, a milk cow? A cow willing to be milked?) So if she gives her all without the commitment (preferably marriage), why should the guy want to marry her, since he didn’t have to pay for anything anyway.
What’s worse is that sometimes the guy turns around to bite, saying that if she’s willing to give her all now, why should he trust her to be faithful after marriage.
Unfortunately it’s often the girl on the losing end, still. So ladies, beware!
That’s a really good discussion everyone. I’ve never been able to gauge the use of some. If it’s the getting to know phase, shouldn’t it be without intimacy? To each their own I guess. If both parties move on then that’s cool but if one develops feelings they will surely feel used.
@GB I really like what you are saying about vulberability but I don’t know if I understand it fully. Is it about not letting your vulnerabilities putting yourself down in front of yourself and the world?
@GB, I always hated that “cow” expression because it is inherently sexist. Men have always been able to express themselves sexually(apart from getting sexually transmitted diseases that are no joke ). However,they were not viewed as bad men as opposed to sexually active women who were seen as bad girls. The virginal good girl was always placed on a pedestal. And if you were a “bad” girl, nobody would marry you. But even in these more “enlightened ” times, women are still discouraged from engaging in sex and in heterosexual relationships, I still believe men have the upper hand, even post the metoo movement and women still get pregnant. From what I gather, men still don’t like using condoms and prey upon their female partners ‘ sympathies by saying that the sex is no good for them if they use condomsSo in essence, the woman must take care of her own contraception but may end up getting an STD.
Nevertheless, the “some” nonrelationshipw are best for the male participant. The Woman still has the lion’s share of the burden, no matter how far we seem to have come.
@Wapz, you said:
I was thinking about the example of the FL in Liar Game, who was repeatedly called dumb for trusting people, and for being tricked by them. On the one hand it appeared that she ‘never learnt her lesson’ to be less foolish, to become less trusting. I, too, was finding her infuriatingly frustrating. But on the other hand, her objective was always to do what was right and fair and in the best interests of all. She deliberately chose to trust, which meant that she was vulnerable to being tricked again.
Of course in the drama, it was deliberately overdone. It’s unlikely that in real life anyone would be like her. But the point eventually was made. People came to trust her, because she retained her goodness and made herself the vulnerable one instead of looking for ways to take advantage of others.
So while in the short term, she seemed to ‘put herself down’: she seemed to lose and was hurt, but in the long-run it was the winning thing to do. (I’ll leave this here to avoid spoilers).
‘Some’ relationships brought this idea of vulnerability to mind, because it sounds like those who espouse it do not want to be vulnerable at all. They want to have all the advantages of being in a meaningful relationship without the cost, without giving their hearts to the other. Of course, then, the relationship cannot be ‘meaningful’. It can only be one of mutual agreement to use and be used by the other. It leads to emptiness.
Being vulnerable has to be seen in the context of love (any kind of love). To be able to be vulnerable with people, we have to be brave and to be able to accept that we can be hurt. It can appear that we lower ourselves, hence together with vulnerability, there is humility. In the context of love, we choose intentionally to do what’s right for the benefit of the other, even if it means we make sacrifices. We rejoice in their gain, while disregarding our ‘loss’.
‘Some’ relationships are aimed at self-protection and self-gain, which is the total opposite.
So, so true @OAL. Times they are supposed to have changed, but actually not as much as we’d like in the area of greater fairness for all.
Your comment brought to mind how the cdrama “The Rational Life” raised so many similar arguments. How being ambitious and strong was seen differently depending on whether it was the man or the woman who was the subject being discussed. So much of our attitudes are tied to whether it’s the man or the woman who espouses the qualities, who gains the successes, who carries out the actions, … etc. We are judged differently although the qualities, successes and actions are the same.
What an interesting topic! Thank you pm3 ❤️ for bringing this up as I have been thinking about its applicability to the relationship issues depicted in another upcoming romance noir drama I mentioned before titled, Interest (Understanding) of Love based on a novel by Lee Hyuk Jin. Here is a good read about ‘some’ culture in Korea.
https://www.creatrip.com/en/blog/11074
Based on description of ‘some’ above, I think the two pairings in the book had ‘some’ with another people who were not their current partners when they are at a dating stage. The author wrote it based on his observation on how each person perceives and understands what love is. I guess in reality it does happen.
For me, personally, I see ‘some’ as just a stage of getting to know someone that you feel might be the one. No string attached. No intimacy to the point of getting pregnant like dating/ a one night stand. Because of my own personal experience, trust is hard to find. And getting to know someone before going further is very important. I have been in a ‘some’ for a few months years ago. Just hang out and talked, getting to know each other, be friends. Yes, the uncertainty of whether the other person shares the same feelings towards us can make us very anxious and frustrated and worry for a rejection especially if we are the party who likes the other person so so so much more and hoping for a favorable confession while falling head over heel crushing on them. 🤧 The smallest gestures from that person can makes our days a thousand times brighter, the happiness of spending times with your beloved crush is unimaginable. 😂 But be caution, those moments can be seriously misleading!!! Been there, done that 😆
I think JHoon felt breaking from a ‘some’ is much worse than a break up after dating is because she is heavily invested from the getgo. She came in with expectation to find someone who is not wishy washy about his feelings and be ready to date instead of wasting time with a ‘some’. She probably is very sure of what she feels/, wants and always ready to commit in a relationship i.e. settle down. And she needs a partner who shares that.
What I learnt from all this ‘some’ culture is not to be too obvious and to overthink about our feelings or love at this stage of getting to know each other. Whatever the other person did, just don’t be too over the moon by it lest it might give you the wrong impression that the person feels love towards you, when that is far from the truth. That person might just be themselves. Just like how they are with anyone they are comfortable with. When the time comes to go the next stage, and when you are sure and ready, confess and move on from whatever decision made then. I think if go you into ‘some’ with high expectation, you will be more heartbroken and frustrated. It is like being rejected by a crush of yours.
So that is what ‘some’ is to me. It does not involve intimacy beyond friendship. But I personally find it is necessary in order to understand the person whom I may have interest in to perhaps pursue a long-term relationship together. Some – Dating – Marriage.
Back to the book, UoL, I find that ‘some’ can turn into a manipulative tool for people who want solace from their current toxic relationship. A regular escape from reality while heart is still chained to the current partner because that is what love is and yet there is the need to get away at times to mend the frustration and pain. Thus ‘some’ happened, just like the lyrics above. What makes it worse is that the one needing solace knows the other party has feelings and will always be there out of worry, concern and… love that was once rejected. Love is complicated. The matters of heart is not easy to understand.
I am curious of how the drama would differ, of whether my initial thoughts of ‘some’ between the pairings, from reading the book, might not be scripted as such.
Sorry if my thoughts are all over the place.😂 Till then, ladies 🤗🤗🤗
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