This drama presented an excellent perspective on living with someone who has Alzheimer’s so I’m copying Sora’s monologue here as a reminder.
Sora: What I regret the most is every day I would ask her “Grandma, who am I?” Trying to make sure that she hasn’t forgotten me. Grandma struggled so hard every time. What was so important for her to recognize me that I asked over and over again, and eventually got disappointed? I should have just said, “Grandma, it’s okay to forget everything.” I should have. She even forgot about Dad whom she loved more than her own life. She erased off yesterday, and always only had today. What was so important about that?
DongJoo: They say that they take all of the good memories. She will remember everything. Did you have you wanted to do for Grandma?
Sora: Yesterday, Grandma asked me to clip her nails, and I wasn’t able to. (sobbing)
I think Sora’s regrets tie in with her Grandma’s words of wisdom to DongJoo. She told her, “You live thanks to those tiny moments. These memories will never, ever be forgotten or disappear. Whether it rains or pours, live your life loving.”
I get why Sora was desperately trying to make her Grandma remember the past. Nobody wants to be forgotten and erased from the mind.
But instead of holding on to yesterday’s memories, Sora could have created new memories with her Grandma while her Grandma was still alive. There was little point in living down memory lane when they could live in the present. The right time to “live her life loving” — as her Grandma would say – is neither yesterday nor tomorrow.
It’s the present moment.
I loved the wisdom of this particular part of Episode 6. I feel that Sora, while she had regrets, still made her grandmother feel loved and never made her feel stupid or a waste of time.
When I was about 14, I was asked a few times to help take care of my neighbour’s grandmother who had Alzheimer’s. Her daughter and husband were away sometimes, and although there were grandchildren my age and older, I think the parents thought their own kids might need a break or another perspective. I will never forget this. There was almost nothing that she could do for herself, and I had to keep her safe. It was good for me to see how the other family members cared for her so well and taught me how, too, so she always had dignity and could feel the kindness all around. It helped me to cope later when some of my own older family members started to get dementia.
I cried during this one 🙂
I knew it was coming. It warmed my heart.
One of the things I like about this drama is the importance it places on everyday gestures of love. Sora regretted pushing her grandmother to remember her when she knew dementia had robbed her granny of the ability to recognize her. She didn’t appreciate the love her grandmother was capable of giving at that time: gentle and sweet interaction with a “stranger.” I get the impression that Sora failed to trim her granny’s nails when asked because she’d been in a snit, resentful that once again halmoni didn’t remember she was her granddaughter and feel gratitude for all Sora was doing for her.
In the Chinese drama Forever and Ever, which I finished watching recently, there was an example given of a strong relationship. The metaphor was taking two books, and overlapping the pages like shuffling cards. Once those pages were interlaced, the books could not be pulled apart despite tremendous effort. And so it goes in a relationship with the back and forth of little kindnesses, small caring gestures, time spent together even in mundane tasks, etc. Little by little a couple become inseparable by eating meals together, working as a team to accomplish tasks, sharing thoughts and hopes and goals while weathering difficulties.