Chapter 15. Confession. Attraction
Featured Object: Birthday cake

For me, one of the joys of being a woman is I never had to confess my feelings FIRST to a man I was attracted to. Don’t get me wrong. I dislike love confessions NOT because I would’ve found the experience nerve-wracking or because I would’ve been at a loss for words. No. I dislike them because I’m missing a romantic bone in my body, and I couldn’t be bothered to make a big production out of a love declaration.

That’s why I don’t envy Jiaxu having to confess his feelings to Sang Zhi.

The way I see it his confession wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision. He planned it.

1. What started it: the “dog” walk

DJ: What’s so funny?
SZ: You look like you’re walking your dog.
DJ: Yes. I’m walking a little dog that eats any kind of food recklessly.

She then remembered the lunch date they were supposed to go on that day if his coworkers hadn’t joined them at the restaurant.

SZ: Jiaxu Ge.
DJ: Mmm?
Why did you tell your colleagues today that I am your friend. In the past, didn’t you always tell your friends that I’m your sister?
DJ: Do you really take me for your brother?

Sang Zhi just looked up at him. So he dropped her wrists and walked up to her.

DJ: Sang Zhi.

He was about to tell her something serious but he stopped himself.

DJ: It’s nothing. Let’s go.

Then, he walked ahead.

In my opinion, this was the moment he came close to declaring his feelings for her. He drew back, however, because he realized it wasn’t the right time and place. Sure, the night was quiet, and the street was empty. Nobody was going to interrupt them if he confessed right there. However, her sweater was wrapped around her head to hide her rashes and she looked up at him with a wide-eyed innocence.

There was no way he would be able to convince her that he no longer regarded her as a little kid when, at that precise moment, she looked like a little kid.

That’s why he brought up her birthday. He had to think quickly on his feet. Her birthday was coming up and he could make it a double event. They could celebrate her birthday and he could confess his feelings for her.

DJ: Your birthday is coming up, right? I guess I can’t get you a birthday cake then. Otherwise, you’ll get an allergic reaction to the cream to it.
SZ: I… (thinking to herself) Is he saying that he wants to celebrate my birthday with me?

She was confused because he simply presumed that they were spending the day together without even asking her permission to celebrate it with her. His boldness reinforced the feeling that Jiaxu had been taking too many liberties with her lately.

DJ: (looking back at her) Hmm?
SZ: Our birthdays are pretty close.
DJ: Yes.
SZ: How do you plan to celebrate your birthday?
DJ: I’m not celebrating it.
SZ: Why?
DJ: It’s pointless to celebrate it alone.

Sang Zhi looked at him. She probably didn’t know whether he was merely stating a fact or was tugging at her heartstrings. If you ask me, though, I think he was trying to look lonely and pitiful so she would celebrate his birthday with him.

Her diary entry for that day showed how little she knew of Duan Jiaxu’s intentions for her.

March 16th Friday
He called me his friend instead of his little sister

He didn’t want be just a “friend.” He wanted to be her “boyfriend.”

2. He learned to bake a dairy-free pie for her birthday.

3. Before her birthday, he bought her a pair of slippers to wear inside his apartment.

4. He decorated the rooftop before her birthday.

His plan was to celebrate her birthday on the rooftop, light all 19 candles (as a reminder that she was no longer a minor), THEN ask her if he could court her.

Kinda like this ⬆️ without the dinner by candlelight and the seductive pose on the carpet.

5. He bought a surprise gift for her. 

The camera.

6. He planned to watch another movie with her.

He arranged to pick her up from her dorm.

I feel for him. After preparing so much for her birthday party (and his Confession D-Day), it must have been vexing to witness Jiang Ming offer a birthday present to Sang Zhi. Not only did Jiang Ming steal attention from him and delay his date with Sang Zhi, he had to grin and bear it when the young puppy thought of him as “Sang Zhi’s brother.”  The label “Sang Zhi’s brother” was anathema to Jiaxu.

Like the jealous guy that he was, he took Jiang Ming’s gift from her hands. Too bad he couldn’t chomp on it like he did with the burger.

He held the bag like it contained biohazardous waste.

DJ: Is he the manly man you meant?
SZ: I told you already. It’s not him.
DJ: Is that so? Wait.

He bent down and swiveled his face right and left.

DJ: Take a look. Did you take a clear look?
SZ: (looking around them to see if anybody’s watching) What are you doing?!
DJ: (holding her back) Look at me. Do I look like the man you described?
SZ: (anxiously thinking to herself) What is he talking about? What does he mean? Does he know already? No, I cannot admit it. If I do, it would be as good as telling him that I’ve had a crush on him all along.

My comments:

a. Sang Zhi thought his words could have a double meaning. On one level, he could be asking her whether he matched her description of a “ladies’ man.”

But on another level, he could be asking whether he was THAT “ladies’ man” that she talked about having a crush on when she was drunk.

But no matter what he meant to say, if she answered yes, then she would be revealing her secret crush on him. And that wouldn’t do.

b. I’m betting that this will come back to bite him some day. For him, it was like a game, or a mystery that was bugging him. He’d been dying to discover whether he was her mystery crush. For her, however, it was about love. She loved this guy. She would die of mortification if he ever discovered that she’d been in love with him for ages – and even cried about him in Yihe! His need-to-know who her mystery crush isn’t on a par with her need-for-privacy about mystery crush’s identity.

So what’s a girl with pride gotta do? Sang Zhi denied it.

SZ: No.
DJ: Tsk. Is that so? (sighing loudly)
SZ: Jiaxu Ge. You should stop mentioning him to me again. You told me that he’s a jerk, right? That’s why I stopped contacting him. Now, there isn’t anyone I like.

Great acting. She even tucked in her hair as she spoke. Fiddling with her hair = body language for feeling stressed, uncomfortable, and pressured. It’s self-soothing mannerism.

DJ: (sighing again but not giving up) You said that he’s a “ladies’ man”.

According to the web novel, the actual words he used was “Zhong Yang Kong Tiao,” which means that the man is like a “central air conditioning,” treating all women well.

SZ: When did I say…(thinking to herself) Did I tell him that that day?
SZ: (admitting to Jiaxu) Yes. A little.
DJ: Do you even know what that word means?
SZ: Jiaxu Ge. Don’t you know what it means? I told you already. You should go online more often. Our generation gap is becoming obvious.
DJ: Tell me then. What does that term mean?
SZ: It means a guy with many female friends. He’s nice to all women. And he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

My comment:

She should rethink this. He isn’t nice to ALL women. That’s an exaggeration because there was one woman he couldn’t be nice, too: the psycho girl.

Plus, when had he shown interest in being nice to her dormmates? If he was nice to ALL women, then he should have treated them out after he asked them to look after her on the night she got drunk. If he couldn’t treat them out to a meal, the least he could have done was offer a token of appreciation.

Also, had she forgotten what he said when he insisted on driving her home from Qian Fei’s wedding? He said that if he had to drive somebody home other than Sang Zhi, he would indeed find the effort troublesome.

DJ: If a guy fulfills one of these three criteria, does that make him a ladies’ man?

As far as he was concerned, he didn’t fit the description. One, he didn’t have many female friends. Two, he wasn’t nice to all women (just to Sang Zhi, her deceased mother, Mrs. Sang, and his female boss. The only criterion that matched him was not having a girlfriend.

SZ: Of course not! It must be all three.
DJ: (scoffing) You’re pretty good at framing people.

He meant that she was falsely accusing him again of a crime he didn’t do. (She believed he brought his girlfriend with him to the airport.) By her standards, he was nowhere close to being a ladies’ man. Strictly speaking, he was guilty of only one offense on her list: NOT having a girlfriend. Moreover, the reason he didn’t have a girlfriend was because he obeyed her request not to have one unless he introduced the lady to her.

SZ: What did you say?
DJ: (innocently) Did I say anything?
SZ: You just did now.

6. On the bus ride to the movie, he was extra protective of her.

He told her to hold onto him so she wouldn’t fall. But he noticed that she was too shy to touch his body that she would only touch his sweater with two fingers. If she saw him only as a brother, then she wouldn’t be this self-conscious. Her awkwardness confirmed his belief he was her mystery crush.

He took her hand and firmly placed it on the crook of his arm. He said, “Hold tightly,” and smiled when she pretended to be indifferent to their physical contact.

When she almost tripped, he grabbed her shoulder then released her with an exaggerated display of propriety.

Again, if she saw him as just a brother, then she wouldn’t be shy, flustered, or thrilled about their “skinship.”

In short, she wasn’t indifferent to him as she pretended to be.

7. He began hinting that he would be an overprotective boyfriend.

DJ: You want to get a drink again, don’t you?
SZ: You‘re not having any anyway.
DJ: (teasing) Aren’t you afraid of blushing again?
SZ: It was an allergic reaction, not blushing.

When they arrived at the stall, DJ asked for the attendant who served them last time.

DJ: A girl with square glasses works here. Is she here today?

She stopped him because she could sense that he was going to scold the girl for being careless with her drink the other night. She gave her order. She wanted it cold.

SZ: Iced.
DJ: (changing the order) Hot. Make it hot. It’s too cold for iced beverages.
SZ: (ignoring him) I want it iced.

She claimed that it was stuffy in the theater. He relented but not without fussing some more about the temperature inside the movie theater.

DJ: Fine, you can have it. It’ll be cold in the theater later. The air conditioning is strong. Don’t drink too much.
SZ: Mind your business.
DJ: Do you find me annoying?
SZ: (lying) No.
DJ: Wasn’t that what you meant, though?
SZ: No.
DJ: You should get used to it.

In other words, she should get used to having a fussy and overprotective boyfriend around.

8. More hints: He hinted that they needed to define or formalize their status.

DJ: I’ll hold it for you. (taking her drink from her) Do you want to drink it?
SZ: Ah.
DJ: (moves the cup in front of her)
SZ: I can hold it myself.
DJ: (teasing) You…you can drink your drink. Why did you touch my hand on purpose?
SZ: (withdraws her hands) I can actually hold it myself.
DJ: (holding onto the drink) Aren’t you afraid of cold hands?
SZ: Won’t you get colds hands too?
DJ: You’re right. You can warm it up for me.

SZ: Uh. I don’t think it is appropriate for us to do that.
DJ: (taking away his hand) You’re right. After all, we haven’t put a label on it.
SZ: Label?

My comments:

a. As I said in an earlier thread, there’s a difference between the Netflix and Youku translations. Netflix used a euphemism, “After all, we haven’t put a label on it.” Youku was more direct, “After all, you’re not my girlfriend yet.”

Remember when I told you the difference between the Netflix and Youku translations in Episode 8 when Sang Zhi boxed up all the gifts that Jiaxu had given her? Per Netflix, she said “Goodbye.” But Youku said, it was “See you again.” In fact, when I googled it, the word was translated as “Goodbye.” However, I explained that the Youku translation was correct because it understood the context. Sang Zhi was NOT really giving up her dream to meet him again. She was only temporarily boxing her feelings again till she grew up and see him again as an adult. That’s why she went to YiHe University: to see him again.

Well, you have to trust me on this one again. Between Netflix and the Youku translations, it was Netflix that got it correct this time. Although Youku’s sub is definitely more thrilling, Jiaxu would NOT blurt out “You’re not my girlfriend” just yet.

Why? Because he was planning to do his confession at the rooftop. He wouldn’t preempt and spoil his big production on the rooftop.

To me, he was doing one of two things: he was either trying to shamelessly hold her hands (like he did with the strawberry) or sending out hints and feelers (like he did when he said, “You should get used to it” earlier).

b. I also checked the web novel. It was similar to the Netflix subs. She said that it didn’t seem appropriate to hold hands. He agreed that it was inappropriate. Then he added, “Also there’s no status.” To me, he said this to make it clear that he didn’t want to hold hands with her as a brother or as friend. They were in a relationship limbo because he hadn’t yet talked to her about courtship and dating each other.

c. Besides if Jiaxu joked explicitly about her being his girlfriend, then her reaction would have been more direct. She wouldn’t be able to ignore his remark. She would be confused for a second but then she would rally to ask an explanation. She did this before when he hinted that he was willing to date an 18 year old. She immediately asked him to clarify what he meant by that.

9. The confession

To be continued this weekend. Sleepy.