Thanks for your patience. I was out of town. 🙂

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Part 1 is here: Hidden Love: Ep 15 On Confession D-Day
My take on the birthday cake is here: Hidden Love: Ep 15 On Holding Hands

Chapter 15. Confession. Attraction
Featured Object: Birthday cake

One great thing about this cdrama is the title. Not only does it tell me where to direct my attention, it reminds me that the hidden love in this story goes both ways. When Duan Jiaxu and Sang Shi interact, they direct their energy and attention toward the other person in equal magnitude. It’s too easy to miss the duality of the story because:

a. the drama is told mostly from Sang Shi’s perspective, especially during the critical beginning episodes, and

b. like Sang Shi, many viewers were late in comprehending Jiaxu’s attraction for her because they denied the possibility of a college-aged guy feeling something for a high school girl.

Sang Shi is afflicted with this “sixth sense” — as Jiaxu called it.

Remember her conversation with her roommate in Episode 14? Although she could sense that he had feelings for her, her “sixth sense” (aka her gut instinct, suspicion, foreboding or woman’s intuition) was telling her not to trust her own perception since she could be overthinking the situation. Because she was overly sensitive to his every word and gesture, she was in danger of wishfully thinking that he returned her affections.

To me, her “sixth sense” is merely a diplomatic term for her misassumptions. Jiaxu already knew how her “sixth sense” led her to believe that:

a. he forgot all about his promise to her. Her “sixth sense” deceived her eyes so when she saw him with a girl at the airport, she instantly concluded that he was with his girlfriend.

b. the hot-pot restaurant was unlucky for them. Their New Year’s Even dinner was interrupted by the Psycho, then their lunch date was interrupted by his colleagues.

In this episode, Jiaxu discovered that her “sixth sense” once again misled her to think that he didn’t want her hanging around his office and home like a besotted fangirl.

SZ: I just want to ask you where we’re going later.
DJ: Let’s go to my place later.
SZ: (stopping)
DJ: (explaining) My gift for you is at my place. And then, we can eat some cake together.

Note here: When Sang Zhi stopped walking, he assumed that she was uncomfortable with his suggestion to go to his apartment alone. So he reassured her that his intention was pure and simple: they were just going to eat cake.

However, as I said in my previous commentary, her birthday was also his Confession D-Day. On this day, he planned to ask if he could court her. The idea of confession to her was not a spur of the moment; it did NOT simply pop into his head.

He actually timed it. (And spoiler here: this is mirrored by Sang Zhi’s answer on HIS birthday. His birthday was her Confession D-Day, too, or her Acceptance Day. Yin-yang.)

Thus, it was imperative for Jiaxu to get Sang Zhi to return to his apartment with him that evening. They weren’t simply going to eat cake; he had another plot brewing in the rooftop and his intention wasn’t so pure and simple as it sounded.

I must admit that Duan Jiaxu reminded me of the Spider trying to entice the Fly in that poem by Mary Howitt. The Spider said to the Fly, “Will you walk into my parlour?” The Fly turned him down a couple of times, but the Spider knew that she couldn’t resist so it “went into his den…(and) wove a subtle web, in a little corner, sly, and set his table ready…”

Of course, Jiaxu wasn’t going to eat up Sang Zhi but he was spinning a web here.

SZ: Ummm. Jiaxu Ge. Do you want me to go to your place?
DJ: Uh-huh.
SZ: Didn’t you tell me before not to visit you at your place or office?
DJ: When did I say something like that?
SZ: (pausing) That time when I brought you the peephole camera. You pulled me off to one side and told me not to visit you at your place or office again.

Ha! This was Sang Zhi’s “sixth sense” at work again.

DJ: Oh! That time?
SZ: (looking down, not answering him)
DJ: It’s like this. Jiang Ying suddenly came to find me at my office. I was afraid she might hurt you if she saw you. That’s why…(pausing)
SZ: (waiting for him to continue his explanation)
DJ: But it’s true. I was too hasty that day. I may not have made myself clear.

I like how quickly he admitted his mistake.

But Sang Zhi continued not to say anything to him. He understood from her silence that he was still missing an important connection here. Remember last episode’s theme of connection, right? I said that it also referred to “connecting-the-dots” or understanding the whole truth from piecing together bits of information that was missing before. Here, Jiaxu was about to connect the dots and understand Sang Zhi’s reserve after she gave him her gift.

DJ: So…you’ve been upset lately because of this?

I like the little smile he tried to hide. He thought her passive-aggressiveness was cute. He realized that her feelings were hurt because she believed that he was rejecting her, and that he didn’t want her hanging around him like a besotted girl after they spent the first snowfall together and New Year’s Eve on the phone. But despite her wrong “sixth sense,” she waited for him to explain why he didn’t want her to visit him at his home and office. When no explanation came, she couldn’t bring it up or confront him about it. She internalized the hurt feelings. She could only show her hurt feelings by passively resisting any attention, invitation, or demand from him. That’s classic passive-aggressiveness.

Here’s a short list:

a. He assumed that she was upset when he wanted to take her out after her exams, and she said she might not have time. (True, but she was partly playing coy, too.)

b. He also assumed that she was still seething when they met at the wedding dinner, and she wouldn’t say a word to him. (She was actually shy to meet him again and tongue-tied because he brought up her mystery boyfriend.)

c; He also assumed that she was fuming when he gave her the bracelet as a gift for New Year as a token of his affection, and she didn’t wear it. (No, it’s because she thought it was a sign of BROTHERLY affection.)

SZ: You’re making it sound as if I’m a petty person.

Two things. One, he made it sound like she was overreacting and making a mountain out of a molehill. Two, he made her appear unforgiving and implacable. Either way, he must have a poor opinion of her.

Fortunately, Jiaxu was quick on the uptake. He knew there was only one way out of this mess. He had to grovel to save her face.

DJ: (effusively) No. This was indeed my fault. I should’ve explained it to you clearly. Let me apologize to you.

Lol. He even bowed his head in abject apology.

To me, his self-abasement was meant to be over-the-top because he knew it was the only way to get back in her good graces.

He hoped to cajole her into forgiving his mistake by appealing to her sense of humor. That’s why he peeked to see if she was smiling BUT he didn’t want her to see him gauging her reaction.

SZ: No, I was being a bit petty too. I apologize to you too. I’m sorry. (looking away)
DJ: (grinning because his plan worked) So now, the misunderstanding is resolved. Let’s go eat cake.
SZ: Let’s go.

Without waiting for him, she rushed off to his apartment.

My comments:

1. Jiaxu has a pretty good understanding of Sang Zhi’s personality. On their first encounter, when she refused to ask for Sang Yan’s help after their brother-sister squabble, Jiaxu knew that Sang Zhi had enormous self-pride.

2. This conversation ties in with Jiaxu’s conversation with Qian Fei about the need to save his girlfriend’s face. Qian Fei was impressed with his perceptiveness.

3. It didn’t bother Jiaxu that he had to grovel. Just like what he told Qian Fei, he must be the one to do all the pursuing because Sang Zhi had always felt that it was impossible for him to like her. In other words, her pride – not his – is his main concern.

Moving on to the confession proper.

DJ: Did someone give that to you? Aren’t you going to open it?
SZ: I’ll do it when I get home.
DJ: Is that guy trying to pursue you?

“Pursue.” That’s Netflix’s subs.

I stand by what I said before. “To pursue” might be the literal translation of the Chinese word, and the traditional concept of dating. But, in this 21st century, we can’t be so remiss as to ignore the inherent problems of this terminology. To mention a few,

• it instills the gender stereotype that men are pursuers, chasers, and hunters while women are preys, targets, and easy kill.
• it encourages passivity in women. We have to be chased. Heaven forbid that we should do the chasing ourselves!
• it enables predatory and creepy dating behaviors. Even when the girl has repeatedly rejected his advances, the guy may still chase after her, and
• it frames love as a game or conquest to win

Note: I checked Youku sub, and it used the word, “woo.” Hurray! We can’t change culture in a rush, but we change a misguided mindset one word at a time.

SZ: Mmm.
DJ: It looks like you’re pretty popular.
SZ: Mmm.
DJ: So can you tell me what it takes for a guy to pursue you?
SZ: What? That’s nonsense.
DJ: Then tell me. What do you look for in a guy?

In the web novel, Jiaxu is translated as saying, “What are the requirements for those who want to pursue you?” Sang Zhi thought his question was weird since she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend.

So, he rephrased his question to, “What are the requirements for the man that you will like?”

What’s the difference? Well, in the first question, Jiaxu presumed that Sang Zhi had prerequisites or standards that would disqualify him right off the bat. He was trying to “feel her out,” most likely because he was worried that she might have an age restriction and wouldn’t want to date a man older than five years like him. But in the second question, he was accentuating the positive. He wanted to know the qualities that Sang Zhi found attractive in men.

SZ: Mmm. He must be handsome.
DJ: Mmm.

He looked confident because he already knew that she found him handsome.

SZ: Have a good temper
DJ: Mmm.

Again, he was unbothered by this requirement.

SZ: And… he must be a head taller than me.
DJ: (stretching himself) Anything else?

I had to laugh at this. This is why the cdrama is better than the web novel. There was no mention of DJ suddenly standing tall to match her height requirement.

SZ: And he must have good morals. That’s all.
DJ: Is that all?
SZ: Mmm.

DJ: (inhaling) I think I check all these boxes.
SZ: (lowers her fork)

Obviously, he checked all the boxes because he was her ideal.

DJ: So I want to ask you something. (looking at her) Can I pursue woo you?

Pause for background music. Hidden Love: OST “You Are My Only Wish”

My comments:

a. We should forget this: just like Sang Zhi had a secret crush on him for a long time, this guy had secret feelings for her for a long time, too. Based on his questions, we could tell that he was hesitant to reveal his feelings until he could be assured that he wouldn’t be rejected.

b. He attempted to give his courtship a logical spin so Sang Zhi wouldn’t reject him outright. He first asked what her standards were and then he pointed out that he met her standards. She had no logical reason to rebuff him since he qualified.

c. Fortunately for him, Sang Zhi’s standards in men were modeled after himself. He was her yardstick.

d. When you think about it, he didn’t actually confess that he liked her. He just asked permission to court her. He had to take incremental steps to achieve his goal because he wasn’t confident that she could reciprocate his feelings. As far as he knew, she always regarded him as a Gege and had only begun to see him as non-Gege recently. Moreover, she believed him to be a ladies’ man.

e. From his perspective, he had loved her in secret long enough that he could wait for her to fall in love with him completely. Of course, he could convince her sooner that he was worthy to become her boyfriend if she allowed him to court her.

f. From her perspective, however, his declaration to court her was tantamount to a love confession. Why else would he want to court her if he didn’t love her? 

SZ: I…I… Jiaxu Ge. Does what you said mean the same as what I think it means?

This reminded me of the time when he said that he was willing to date an 18-year-old and she asked him to clarify. Then and now, she couldn’t believe her ears.

DJ: Is there another meaning to it?
SZ: But didn’t you say that I’m a kiddo? You think I’m too young.
DJ: That’s just a nickname. If you like it, I can call you that even when you’re 80 years old. Besides, you call me Gege all the time. Do you really consider me your brother?

My comment:

Remember my explanation of his phone conversation with Qian Fei in Episode 11? He muttered to himself, “What am I doing?…Kiddo.” Back then, I said many viewers got it wrong. They misinterpreted his words as a mental reprimand for having romantic thoughts with a young kid.

I said nope, that’s a dumb interpretation.

At that point, he absolutely did NOT consider her a kid anymore. How could he? He already listened to her advice to set himself free from the past like she was his equal.  Would he heed her counsel if he only saw her as a kid? He even apologized to his deceased mother because he could no longer continue her pledge to that Psycho’s family. He saw no need to sacrifice his future for his family’s honor. He already paid his debts, and it was time for him to pursue his own path to happiness, preferably with Sang Zhi by his side. Would he replace his mother’s instructions for Sang Zhi’s guidance if he only saw her as a kid?

Calling Sang Zhi’s “kiddo” was a term of endearment for him.

SZ: Mmm. I do treat you as my elder brother.

This was a lie. She never thought of him as a blood relative. But she purposely told a lie to hide that she had a crush on him since she was in middle school. Note: Jiaxu was aware that she was lying but he had no idea when her crush on him started. He assumed it was recent development because she had an “online boyfriend” when she was in high school.

Jiaxu didn’t call her out for lying. Instead he focused on his being Gege-zoned.

DJ: But I don’t want to be just your brother. I want to be your boyfriend.
SZ: (??)

Look here: If he had only begun to love her during that first snowfall on New Year’s Eve — as many viewers believe — then I would consider this demand of his very pushy and brash. What right does he have to urge her to view him differently from a Gege when he himself had viewed her as his meimei a short while ago?  

Do you get what I mean?

DJ: Say something. If you don’t say something, I don’t think I can breathe.
SZ: (thinking to herself) You can’t breathe? More like I can’t breathe.

This was cute and honest reaction from her.

Idiomatically in English, Jiaxu was waiting for her answer “with bated breath.”

Typically, when one waits with “bated breath,” one is nervous or excited. But the way Jiaxu said it, he was pressuring her to give him an answer, a favorable one. He didn’t sound anxious or excited; he sounded bossy and demanding. She should give him an answer right away because he was holding his breath until she did.

But she wasn’t going to be pressured. In her mind, she was the one who was all agog and left breathless because of his question. How could she reply when she was dumbstruck?

So she tried to appear calm and unaffected by his confession.

SZ: (aloud) Jiaxu Ge. No one asks before courting someone.
DJ: I have to make myself clear. Otherwise, what will I do if you think I’m good to you because I’m your elder?

By asking permission to court her, he was making his INTENTIONS clear that he wanted to break free from the “Gege zone.” He didn’t want his intentions and actions to be misinterpreted, downplayed or dismissed as a mere brotherly display of kindness. He wanted her to know that he was interested in her in a romantic, not platonic, way.

I can think of three reasons he was doing this. One, he had no clue that Sang Zhi liked him from the start. In his mind, she had looked up at him as her Gege for the longest time, and ONLY developed a crush on him recently. He still hadn’t connected that he was her mythical “online boyfriend.”

Two, since he believed that she viewed him only as a platonic Gege until recently, he didn’t want his courtship to shock or frighten her. He hoped to avoid making her feel shy or uncomfortable.

Three, he didn’t want her to know that he was aware of her crush on him. Just as he had told Qian Fei, he had to take the “straightforward” approach with Sang Zhi because she always felt that he couldn’t possibly like her. His confession was his undisguised, unambiguous, and unmistakable action so she would no longer doubt his intention for her or be skeptical of his gestures. He didn’t want her to use her “sixth sense” again and come up with the wrong conclusion.

SZ: That’s your business. It has nothing to do with me.

Remember Episode 3? He didn’t approve of the callous way she sent off her young admirer, so he reminded her that it was nice to have people who liked her. The kind thing to do was to thank her suitor before “gently rejecting.” So, it was too bad that she forgot his advice. Telling Jiaxu that his courtship wasn’t her concern but his sounded mean and haughty.

But I’ve to cut her some slack. She was pretending to be indifferent because a) she didn’t want him to discover her hidden love for him, and b) her roommates advised her to play it cool.

DJ: Why don’t you just tell me? Tell me if you feel that way about me.
SZ: (pausing) No.

Same thing here. She was following her roommates’ earlier advice to her. They explicitly told her NOT to let him know that she liked him. “In a relationship,” her roommate said, “you want to be the one being pursued.” (rolling my eyes here) Sang Zhi didn’t like her roommate’s advice, so she compromised and said that if Jiaxu didn’t pursue her, she’d pursue him instead. Good girl!

Note: according to the web novel, her roommate was convinced that if a man didn’t exert much effort to win the lady’s affection, he might not appreciate her in the long run. Of course, the roommate was unaware of Jiaxu’s behind-the-scene struggles to become more than a Gege for Sang Zhi.

DJ: (sighing)
SZ: However…what I mean is that I won’t know if I feel that way about you until you court me.

Sang Zhi was backpedaling because she suddenly became anxious that her pretend indifference might discourage him.

DJ: (hopeful) Sure. Then can you give me a hint first? How long do I need to pursue you?
SZ: How can I give you a hint? You make it sound as if I’ll say yes for sure.
DJ: How could you say no?
SZ: You won’t win me over. I’m tough to please.

This is Sang Zhi being contrarian. She was opposing/rejecting everything that he said simply to provoke him.

DJ: Fine. Then I’ll drag it out. I’ll pursue you for a decade or so. But if you go and meet other guys, I’ll complain to your parents.
SZ: (protesting) Why would you complain to them?
DJ: Did you forget the time when I met your teacher as your guardian?
SZ: That was ages ago. Why are you bringing it up?

Seriously, Jiaxu could have brought up something more recent if he wanted to. He could complain to her parents that she drank too much on the eve of her departure to Nanwu and nearly missed her flight.

DJ: I’m a nostalgic person. By the way, I forgot to tell you this. You look pretty today.
SZ: (speechless) I know.
DJ: You dressed up to see me. Then you say you have no feelings for me.

He wasn’t wrong here. It’s a fact that she dolled up whenever they went out on dates. But there was no way she wasn’t going to admit that.

SZ: Can’t I make myself pretty for my birthday. Did you think I dressed up for you?
DJ: Fine. I know you don’t have feelings for me. Can’t I imagine things and make myself happy?
SZ: Then keep it to yourself.
DJ: I want to say it out loud, so that you know.
SZ: (smiling) By the way, Jiaxu Ge. You didn’t confess to me today, right? You only asked whether you could pursue me, and I technically didn’t reject you, right? So then, can I take the cake with me?

I thought this was cute, too. She wanted definite confirmation from him about their current impasse. She didn’t want her “sixth sense” to mislead her again.

And she was right. Strictly speaking, he didn’t declare his love for her. He only stated his intention to court her. And since there was no love declaration, there couldn’t be any rejection either.

DJ: Then are you saying that if I confess to you right now, you will say yes?

Lol. Trust Jiaxu to capitalize on this! He noticed the flow of her logic. It goes like this: if there’s no love confession, then there’s no rejection. So he teased her, saying if he confessed his love, then she would accept.

We don’t need to apply logic to see that he was wrong in his conclusion.

If he confesses, he must be prepared for one of several possibilities. She may or may not accept. She may defer her decision or refuse to answer.  She may even lie. In other words, a love confession doesn’t guarantee an acceptance.

All that he can logically expect is this: if she accepts, then he must have confessed his feelings for her. 🙂

SZ: No.
DJ: Then, you can’t take it. (meaning, the cake)
SZ: You can keep this one. I’ll take this one, all right.
DJ: No.
SZ: Why are you so petty? I’m just saying that you can pursue me a little bit more. It’s not like I didn’t agree…
DJ: (looking at her)

He looked at her because she committed a slip of the tongue. She was ready to accept him but wanted him to woo her for a little bit more and a little bit longer.

SZ: (insisting) I…You have to pursue me first before I can know if I feel that way about you. Do you understand?
DJ: Uh-huh. Fine. That’s okay. If you don’t feel that way about me, I’ll keep pursuing you.
SZ: (smiling)
DJ: Fine. Eat the cake. Hmmm? Sit down and enjoy it.
SZ: (smiling)
DJ: You can take the cake with you.
SZ: Both of them?
DJ: Mm. If you like it, I can make it for you every day.
SZ: (smiling) Sure.

My final comments: 

a. Thus, in a roundabout way, Jiaxu got his answer to “Can I pursue court you?”  Sang Zhi’s answer is yes, an unequivocal yes. She wanted to be courted.

b. When Jiaxu said that he was a nostalgic sort of guy, I think he meant that he cherished sentimental moments with Sang Zhi, and that he remembered most everything they did together. He remembered that he surprised her with a warm bottle of milk a long time ago

But Sang Zhi was also a nostalgic sort of girl. Though she kept that milk bottle as a keepsake, she lied to Jiaxu that a classmate drank it and threw away the bottle. She lied because Jiaxu would obviously find it odd and suspicious that she kept an ordinary bottle.

One good thing about the two of them being nostalgic is that they both put in a lot of effort in creating good memories for each other. In this episode, Sang Zhi’s birthday was the highlight. And in the following episode (or two??), it would Jiaxu’s birthday and Sang Zhi’s turn to plan the big celebration and Confession D-Day for him. The love story is really more satisfying when it’s reciprocated in subtle ways.

c. After all that was said and done in this episode, the confession and attraction have to slow burn for another episode.

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Gotta end here and work on my other reviews. Don’t have time to edit this. Just ignore my mistakes.