Was there anybody else confused by the shifting perspective on the theme “regret vs pride,” like me?

1. The show first began with the conventional understanding of “regret vs pride.”

Simply put, when people value their pride more than anything, they’ll soon be left with plenty of regrets.

RanJoo’s mom expressed this kind of outlook and RanJoo demonstrated it.

RJ’s mom: (in her hospital room) Sometimes, I lay here and wonder. Did those people ruin who I was? I don’t know. It could have been the other way around. Sometimes in life, when the world takes its anger out on you, there are moments where you lash out at random things.

As RanJoo’s mom spoke, RanJoo was filmed texting an apology to MokHa. She began to write, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said…” but she changed her mind and deleted it.

RanJoo’s mom explained what was going through RanJoo’s head.

RJ’s mom: You try to apologize because you feel terrible but it’s hard. You feel like they’ve seen the real you. You just hope that they’ll put up with you. You hope they can understand you. Even though you don’t understand yourself, you still hope that they will.

She meant that pride makes it hard to apologize. RanJoo felt guilty and ashamed for lashing out at MokHa. She knew she did wrong and hurt MokHa. She feared that she lost MokHa’s friendship and support because MokHa saw her “real” self.

Note: the makeup was a metaphor here. RanJoo believed that her bareface, that is, her real self, was unlikable, and it pained her that MokHa saw her “bareface.” For RanJoo, maintaining MokHa’s good opinion of her (aka fan-worship) was important. She felt that she had to keep up her “appearance.”

RJ’s mom: (continuing) And like that, time goes by and you start regretting it. When I’m thinking back on it all, I can see I’m responsible for it. That might be the reason why I’m alone now.

Meaning, since RanJoo missed the golden opportunity to apologize, the rift between them would only become wider and harder to mend. The moral lesson?

This: Allowing pride to get in the way is bound to cause regret later in life.

Then, the viewers were shown KiHo’s dad all alone in a darkened room. I think he’s a prime example of someone who doesn’t regret his actions. In his mind, he was the good father, and his family members were the ungrateful ones. They did him wrong. They were to be blamed for ruining his life.

2. MokHa has a fresh take on “regret vs pride” that upends the common viewpoint.

She was trying to convince RanJoo that having pride in herself ensures that regret will never happen. The main goal in life isn’t to avoid regrets nor to dwell on them. Rather, it’s to strive to be proud of herself and the life she chose to live.

MH: I honestly had no idea that your music teacher would later become your agent.
RJ: He did. He gave up teaching at the school to make me an artist.
MH: I’m not surprised at all. I saw you that day and was completely and utterly mesmerized by you.
RJ: How incredibly stupid. Who quits their job and gives up their pension to manage a kid? It caused a big fight with his wife, and they separated because of it.
MH: So they divorced.
RJ: Oh yea. There’s no doubt in my mind that the regrets it all now. I’m sure he wishes he stayed at his job.

Her music teacher, Mr. Hwang, was filmed looking nervously at his ex-wife and daughter as they posed for the wedding photographer. He was nervous and embarrassed to tell them that his protégé, RanJoo, was a no-show at the wedding. He was ashamed to let them down again. So he gave an excuse that a father playing the saxophone for his daughter’s wedding would be more meaningful than a guest singer. He couldn’t fool his wife, though.

RJ: To him, I’m an embarrassment. A regret. He abandoned his family for my career, but I betrayed him and walked away. And now, I’m a cautionary tale. I only wasted his time.

She was expressing pity for her manager and regretting how she paid back his “sacrifice” for her with betrayal and abandonment.

MH: Unni.
RJ: I don’t want to go. And I won’t go, okay? His daughter should have gotten married earlier. It’s too late to sing at a wedding. I’m too old now. Would it have killed her to get married when I was young and hot?

If she didn’t make sense here, that’s because it was her ego speaking. It hurt her ego to be seen like the aging diva that she thought she was.

MH: (protesting) Oh no, Unnie. You’re still beautiful. How can you say that?
RJ: (giving herself a good look in the mirror) That’s what you think. I’m just sad. And a loser.

This was what her mom was talking about earlier. RanJoo didn’t like herself at the moment. She didn’t feel proud of herself.

MH: We’ll just put some makeup on you. If you’re feeling low, makeup will help. Cover it up and let the makeup take over. Yeah? We’ll be waiting for you. You and me, we can sing together. If a note’s high, don’t panic. Just sing lower. I’ll be right beside you to help you out. We’ll harmonize. My goodness, it’ll be incredible. You’re not alone. I’ll be your foundation powder. I’ll be your mascara. I’ll be your lipstick. Unni. I will be your voice. I’ll stand by you through it all. Yes. I will protect you. I’ll keep you safe. Please come now.
RJ: (sniffling)
MH: Are you my savior?
RJ: Unni, listen. All I want for you is.. is for Mr. Hwang to see how great you are. So please…come. If you don’t, it will be another regret.

There! Do you get it?

At the end of the day, people need to be able to look back and feel proud of themselves. To look back without regrets is to be proud of who and what they have become. In this sense, pride is more important than regret.

More importantly, MokHa reassured RanJoo that she was there for her no matter what. She had no illusions about RanJoo’s “bareface.” She could put up with her, warts and all, because she understood her.

3. That’s why the featured song of this episode is “Here I Am.”

Credit: ElyDha Subs

I don’t have time to look for a better translation but here’s the subs from the drama.

(RanJoo singing)
Without any reason
When I look into your eyes
The emptiness within me disappears

(Mokha singing)
When I close my eyes
I see you
Coming to me

(RanJoo and Mokha singing)

Here I am
I will always
Be together
With you
Let me love all of you
Even the pain that’s inside

I’ve always cherished in my heart
My feelings about you
I’ll keep this promise forever

Here I am
Whenever you turn around
I’ll always be by your side
Come close to me
And hold me silently

(Ranjoo singing alone to Mr. Hwang)
Here I am.

4. As a result, her teacher found the strength to admit that he had pushed her away with his treatment of her.

He, too, had been full of regrets but now he could apologize to her.

RJ: (eating dried persimmons) Where’s your wife?
Hwang: She went straight to the airport with the kids.
RJ: I gave money and sang at the wedding but all I get is this.
Hwang: I’m sorry.
RJ: (flippant as usual) It’s okay. I have to lose weight for my TV appearance anyway.
Hwang: No. I meant, about talking harshly to you and giving you a hard time back then.
RJ: What’s this? Why are you bringing up the past now.
Hwang: My family left me, and I was upset and struggling with work. So I took a bit of my anger out on you.
RJ: Don’t downplay it.
Hwang: Right. I vented at you a lot. (sigh) I should’ve solved my issues with whoever was involved. But I took it out on you instead. We tend to take it out on the kindest pushovers.
RJ: (darting a look at Mokha and knew she was guilty of the same thing)
Hwang: But I never stopped. And even a kind pushover like you eventually betrayed and left me too.
RJ: (clarifying) I never betrayed you. I left after our contract ended.
Hwang: I thought you were mine back then, simply because I discovered and helped you grow. That’s why I was so harsh. (patting her) Thank you for today.
RJ: (stares at MokHa)

Likewise, RanJoo thanked MokHa afterwards, saying that she would have regretted it if she had not showed up at the wedding. If she had allowed her pride get in the way, and ignored MokHa’s counsel to stop focusing on regrets, then she would have ended up with more regrets.

5. So now, how does this “regret vs pride” theme apply to our couple BoGyeol and MokHa?

At the Seoul Station, BoGyeol realized that MokHa had no pride whatsoever when it came to KiHo, and he regretted taking out his anger on her when she was only concerned about KiHo.

MH: You’re KiHo, right?
BG: (turning around and lowering his hood)
MH: (confused) Kang PD-nim, what are you doing here?
BG: (controlling his anger) I’d like to ask you the same question.
MH: Uh. I received a note saying to meet here.
BG: You came all the way here because of a note?!
MH: No. I thought KiHo had sent it after watching the show.

See how they weren’t connecting? He was angry that she rushed there because of a stranger’s note. She reasoned however that it wasn’t at all a “stranger’s note.” She actually believed it came from KiHo. How was she to know that somebody would lie and impersonate KiHo?

BG: (blowing up) This is why I said not to share personal matters. It would only attract all kinds of lunatics.

Now, his is a natural reaction. Usually when you love someone, you react with anger when you realize that you could have almost lost that person due to carelessness, accident, threat or danger. It’s a primal fear response.

MokHa naturally became defensive and started to say whatever nonsense was in her head.

MH: That was my intention. I thought maybe KiHo could’ve been one of those lunatics.
BG: KiHo! KiHo! Is KiHo the only thing you and WooHak ever think about? When he’s mentioned, you can’t think straight. You lack judgment. It must be so easy to deceive you. Just put his name on a piece of paper, and it’s that simple –

His anger is tinged with guilt, too. He knew that his enforced secrecy was getting her in trouble. If he had told her who he was, then she wouldn’t be so desperate to find him, and she could’ve avoided seeing his father.

MH: Fine! I’m sorry. I’m reckless! And I’m a fool who lacks judgment. So I’m sorry. But that’s what I am. Even right now, I don’t know why KiHo’s father came, instead of KiHo. I wonder if KiHo’s safe. That’s all I ever think about! I don’t care if it’s just a piece of paper. (thumping her chest) I just want to find KiHo. That’s all I’m asking for.

And she sank to the ground and cried. This is MokHa showing that she didn’t care about looking dumb. She had no pride when it came to KiHo. She was worried about him, and if she had to look stupid in BoGyeol’s eyes because she was worried about KiHo, she didn’t care.

BG: Let’s go.

He pulled her up. Remember what I said. He didn’t tell her “Let’s go home.” At this time, he must have already rented that apartment for her.

BG: Stop crying. People will get the wrong idea of me. Like a jerk who made a woman cry in the rain.

He removed his rain jacket and wrapped it around her. Like he did 15 years ago, when she went to his house in the rain to run away with him.

MH: (muttering) That sounds about right.

Nice. She hadn’t lost her spunk. She was telling him that he was indeed acting like a jerk, making her cry in the rain.

Then, seeing how pathetic she looked, BoGyeol couldn’t help but give her reassurance. He felt regret at lashing out at her because of his own fear for her safety and his frustration with her stubbornness to find KiHo. He knew he should have been more understanding of her emotions and foolishness, and less harsh with her. It was partly his fault, too, that she was in this state. He was keeping his identity secret.

BG: KiHo is safe.
MH: (grabbing his sleeve) Do you know him? Do you?
BG: No. I don’t.
MH: (moving back)
BG: But one thing for sure. Seeing how his father made the effort to come all the way here, it means he still hasn’t found KiHo. And it means he’s well hidden.
MH: We don’t know if he’s hiding or if he’s dead.
BG: He’s hiding. Well.
MH: (still seeking reassurance, a guarantee) How do you know that?
BG: I just do. (turning his back)

And this was BoGyeol’s regret. He couldn’t tell her who he was. And he couldn’t have shown her a bit more understanding when she needed it. He took out his anger and frustration on her.

He didn’t apologize with words. Instead, he showed that he was sorry with action.

He put himself in her shoes and offered to give her a ride uphill and downhill the street.

He told her to put him in her emergency list. Note the change in his tone. He was more patient, more willing to explain.

BG: Right. Open your phone. Go to “Settings” and then “Safety and Emergency.”
MH: I know.
BG: Go to emergency contact list and add my number. Activate it if you get in danger again. And it’ll send me your location.

Previously, he would have been brusque or condescending about this.

MH: (smiling) That’s okay. What if I call you when you’re at work?
BG: Don’t worry about it and call me no matter what.

MokHa paused because his words reminded her of KiHo. So, she asked her, as if to test him.

MH: What if it’s late and you’re asleep?
BG: It’s okay. Just call me. (glancing at her) I’m a light sleeper.
MH: (recalling KiHo’s same answer)

To me, she was already beginning to connect the dots here.

Aside from giving her a ride, he made a last-minute decision to go to the wedding and accompany her. (Well, I think it was a last-minute decision.) He allowed her to boss him around and carry the congratulatory wreath for her. Then, he reminded her and RanJoo to talk to Mr. Hwang about the record contract.

That’s how “regret vs pride” applies to our couple.

Okay. Got to leave now. Happy weekend!