@Cleopatra posed a question on the “Marry My Husband” thread. I’m reposting it out here on the blog to give all a dedicated space to answer it. The responses don’t need to tie in with the drama.
@Cleopatra asked, “Would you change yourself and your life if you were given the chance?”
@OldAmericanLady, @Phoenix, @GB, @grace, @agdr03, @FGB4877, @Welmaris, et al., your thoughts on this?
Thanks @pkml3 and @Cleo for posing the question. I was about to respond in the other thread but fortunately saw this one.
Now knowing what I do about the consequences and effects of some things done in the past, I do believe I’d really like to change some things … I wouldn’t go so far as to say my entire self or my life, but certain things which I did or failed to do, which I feel has left a lasting effect.
I find that I’m happy with my life: I feel much has been a blessing, and that who I am and how I’ve grown have been providential. In other words, I won’t change what is essentially my life and myself. I would however analyse how I could have done things better, as much as was in my power and under my control.
Ultimately I still have found that God has given me everything I need. (Again I stress… not want, but need). Therefore the foundation of who I am and my life is good, there’s nothing to change there. However I could have made any number of decisions, and I’d like to be able to choose again the better, more loving decisions among the good ones that there are.
Kalimera @Packmule3 and thank you for giving this question a seperate thread!
If I have to answer this question myself, I would say that everything that I have experienced so far, shaped me to the person I am today. So, I would answer that I am grateful for all the good things that happened to me, but also for the bad, because they showed me what I had to do, in order to love myself more and be happy.
I am building the life I want for myself. Yes, I might be single yet, but I believe that the right someone is out there for me. So, yes I am living my life the best way I can and enjoying it, regardless of what others things about me or of my decisions. It is better to be alone, than lonely inside a relationship with a person that doesn’t cherish you.
As for the drama, I totally understand Ji Won’s decision to change her fate. Afterall, she died in the hands of the two people she thought they loved her. Before that, she lived a life in misery. So, I am happy for JiWon that she wants to change her life and truly live in order to fullfil her dreams and happiness!
@packmule3 and @Cleopatra, I think I’ve had the life I’m supposed to live. I’ve had periods of great sadness but have overcome them with hope, something that has gotten me through. I was also fortunate to have some people who helped me through. In that regard one change that I would make is to have given them more. I am thinking of my great aunt, in particular, who I should have done more to make her life comfortable in her elder years. Apart from doing more for the people who cared for me, I think I’ve led an interesting life, having some unusual experiences and finding the live of my life a little later and having a wonderful son who has dealt well with his own set of difficulties. So, in all, no big changes for me. Just some nuances where I get to show the people who were there for me the appreciation they deserved both in words and deeds.
I often think that choices made have consequences. Some choices involve cutting ties with people who do not have your best interest at heart and/or who use you(a high school “friend’s who ” borrowed” my homework to get better grades but who vilified me to old friends and who was something of a bully, for example). However, it is an experience such as that, that shows us what we want and need. For me the experience, coupled with therapy and hope made me better.
Thanks so much for a great question. I think that’s why this drama is resonating with me and others(not to mention our OTP).o
@packmule3
Thank you for picking up this thought -provoking conversation thread into a new post.
I agree with @Cleo that all that I have experienced, the good and the bad, have made me who I am today, a person I like. However, I partly agree with @GB too. If I was allowed a second chance, I would still try to stop some landmark events from happening that caused loss and pain and turned the course of my life,
But the deeper question in my mind is, in case of really major events such as life and death with ripple effects on multiple lives, how much can we control fate and time? Will what is fated to happen still happen, just at a different time and in a different manner. Somewhat like ‘Death’s Game’ and ‘Final Destination’, even if we knew about it and tried our best to stop it, could we change its course?
Also @WE was mentioning, JW said that time creates balance, a wound for a wound, a death for a death. So even if we could stop an accident, would it just claim another victim instead? Very intriguing thought.
…..
By the way @packmule3, I saw spam page full of words when I tried accessing this post from my Gmail notification mail (when your post popped up as a mail just now). I had to quickly close it to avoid malware getting access to my laptop and searched the blog from Google to get in here again. I’ve been facing this issue for a month now, not sure why it’s happening.
@Phoenix
Your post reminded me of what we are re-watching now… Nine: 9 Times Time Travel. The protagonist keeps going back to the past (20 years earlier) to ‘correct’ something but each time the ramifications in his present day are far bigger and more than unexpected. He thought he could easily make his present according to his wishes but found that worse things were uncovered or happened. That Show’s moral is to not play God by changing who lives, instead of dies. We really cannot control much if even we can control ourselves!!!
I like your intriguing thoughts and questions. These same ones go around in my mind without a clear answer. I do feel though that it’s a very good idea that we cannot actually ‘play God’ and make changes. I’m sure we’d all be working at cross purposes and making a mess of everything!!!
I feel I am very lucky with my life and family. As people have said above, my choices made me who I am today.
If I had to change anything it would be minor things that wouldn’t change the direction of my life – more phone calls and letters to my parents and older relatives; more keeping my young mouth shut about certain things and more empathy for friends and family going through difficult times. I didn’t always know as much about personal or mental troubles as I do now, so I would do those things better. But I wouldn’t change anything major – if I did, I might not be where I am now with a life and family that I cherish.
I have considered this question many times in my life. I was a heathen in my high school years. Got pregnant at 20 and dropped out of college. Went back to college when my daughter started school and ended up with a degree I never used. Went back to college much later but dropped out again due to having to take care of my parents.
I wouldn’t give up my daughter for anything, so if I were given the chance to redo things before her, the only areas I would change would be to learn as much as I could from my parents and family elders – sewing, quilting, gardening, preserving, family histories, etc.
However, if I was changing things AFTER my daughter was born, then yeah, I would probably do a lot of things differently. Instead of going back to college to get a degree I’d never use, I would focus on raising my daughter and starting a homestead.
If I had been asked this question when I was younger, I might well have said there are things I want to change. One of the positives of being older Is perspective. I have many wonderful things in my life That I would not want to change. Like others have posted, it would probably be Relating better to others And now that I am close to retirement I have More time for my relationships And a Clearer idea what I value.
Dear Friends, It is always a pleasure to read you!!!.
Please be aware that I haven´t seen “Marry My Husband” so I am commenting from a personal point of view.
Yes I would. Mainly would have loved to have a trade under my belt. Being book wise without actual experience can be paralyzing. Would loved to have a PhD. when my Professor was actively pitching me. Would loved to take more chances when it was my decision and not because I was forced to (be more proactive). Even if I would still like to be generous I would like to have been a little more selfish. Also would have loved to find a good lady to settle with and start a family with.
That said I can still change all of that as I am still alive and relatively young! 😀
Thank you Queen. 🙂
In a heartbeat, yes I would. I actually have this question pop up in my head for a couple of years now and I always have the same answer, yes.
I have a lot of regrets and wrong decisions personally so if given the chance there will be many changes. These changes are about goals, education, career and love. 🙂
I feel I can do much better if I had made the right choices back then.
Hi @FGB, how lovely to see you. Yes, after a certain age, we know what we want and what we could have done better. We realise that we don’t need a great change or do-over, but that certain decisions could have been better or at least different.
Again the ramifications of each decision will be unknown to us, so it’s a risk. Still we think from hindsight, that we could have done better.
(The ‘hero’ in Nine: 9 took 9+ risks and had to take the consequences).
@agdr03 Yes! Don’t we, many of us!!!
Kalimera @FGB!
Of course we are still young and we can do whatever we want!
I started doing ballet and contemporary dance lessons on October 2022 and I had my first presentation this past June 2023. I know I have a long road in front of me, but I am enjoying it immersely!
Since, I am following my passion(s), I will tell you do that PhD, it is not too late!
I don’t know if this will post or not.
This link is a flip from the question and more like fate – about someone whose romance reminds me of a K- or C-drama. A childhood friendship that turned into marriage:
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-did-carey-mulligan-marcus-mumford_n_658438f0e4b04da98425f225
Just like many of you, if given a chance to go back and redo my life, I would like to use that opportunity to correct the mistakes that I made, stand up to being pushed to do things that I did not want to, marry the person I wanted to or the discipline I wanted to go for, and some other decisions I made thus far.
I have made good decisions so far with what was at that point in time, like the balance sheet, whether good or bad and the experiences has changed me for the better. I would not be who I am today if not for those experiences. I would love all the good experience I have had (too few) and would love to handle the bad experiences better(too many).
So, as this drama gets to the second half , I am looking forward to it.
I am also looking forward to a redo of my life iff that is in my cards. Otherwise I am happy saying that my next life will be better as I have been the best human being in this life.
Hi @GB 😘
I forgot to say finding my faith is the only one thing that I don’t regret ever. I’d be a totally different person today if I didn’t have it. ☺️
I HAVE ALREADY ANSWERED THIS QUESTION BUT i have a story to tell related to the questio j. As I may have to,d you, my mom died when I was a toddler. My dad had lots of family issues to deal with and leftme in the care of a relative who neglected me. I eventually was placed in foster care(where it was stealing to go to the fridge and where they cruely said My dad was on the phone when he wasn’t to bait me. My dad remarried when I was 4 and we went to live with my dad, new stepmother and her son(who terrorized me). Once again I was neglected and was frequently left to feed for myself on the street. An aunt came to visit and found me a.one on the street. Shecreported back to my father and that marriage soon ended in annulment(my neglect was the stated reason but I gather that there were no marital relations(and I found out later that my dad was a Lusby lady’s man so the lack ofsex was the m ain’t reason for the dissolution).we moved in with my grandmother and great aunt. My life was much better but my grandmother died when I was nine. My dad had a series of girlfrirnds who when I met them always seemed to be k8nd but later soured on me because I took away attention to them by my dad. My dad c remarried when I was 12 but I didn’t live with them but came to their home on week ends. I had a better relationship with my last stepmother (and we continued after my dad died). SHE MADE MY WEDDING AND SHE grandma to my son. I got a family of love out of it that lasts to this day. But the upshot of this story is something I found out on a trip I took to California after my father died. I visited family there who I had briefly lived with when my b grandma was ill and we went to live with them during her convalescence when they lived in Brooklyn. They had four adult daughters who all did very well, with the one living in Beverly Hills who was married to a show business accountant. When I visited California she was anxious to meet me so I went to her house for dinner after a day trip to Disneyland. Her husband came to dinner( very unusual because he generally ate at his club). They had one son, who insulted me by saying I was fat(true but not bross). The reason for this insult was that his mother wanted to adopt me after my mom died. My father would not let it happen. I t would have been a bad fit. I am tall and towered over all of them.And although the woman of the family was nice, there seemed to be no family life. moral of the story, I had the life I was m3ant to have, benefited from all of my experiences_good and bad, and had , in retrospect, a rich, varied childhood with wonderful family members guiding me. apart from losing my mother, who I know from going to therapy, gave me almost two years of excellent mothering, giving me a solid start, I would not trade my life for a redo. My experiences made me who I am and I like myself. No regrets here.
@agdr03 Hear! Hear! So true and for me too. Faith is a big part of my life and I’d also be a very different person without it. Being in relationship with God is how I’d like to be able to define my life, …still working on it! I’m going for a retreat this weekend. Please pray for me!!! 🙏
@OAL, as usual, your shared life stories floor me. You’ve gone through so much and are up and growing beautifully, with much aplomb! I salute you!
Yes, the bad and the good experiences are both valuable. Some cause us to need therapy, but we are still blessed to be who we are, with what we have.
I will pray for you @GB! 🙏🏼
I love going to retreats back in the days. I’m sure you’ll have fun and most especially another heartwarming and humbling experience. ❤️
I just finished a 21 Again rewatch. It is so relevant to this thread! I appreciated it even more in the context of this conversation.
What I would change is focusing on appreciating the little moments in my relationships and seeing my personl connections as an opportunity to grow and not regret. Just being there for the other person.
And more Lee DOHYUN!😀
My mistakes and the bad things I’ve endured helped make me the person I am today, and at this point in my life I am relatively content. There is much in my life for which I am grateful, and I enjoy many blessings. But there are times in the past when I, like the FL of MMH, stayed silent so I wouldn’t rock the boat, and I wish I hadn’t been so acquiescent. So if I had the chance to go back, I might be more assertive.
Another thing I might change, like our MMH FL, is being more self reflective, identifying and reaching for what I really want. For example, I entered college thinking I’d be a literature major because I loved to read. During my four years of undergraduate study I plodded ahead, but finishing my B.A. in British/American Literature killed my love of reading. I wish I’d let myself explore more courses before choosing a major.