I’ve to admit that Episode 5 is my least favorite episode so far because of Si TuMo’s mother. It was a pain to watch her undermine and sabotage her own daughter, even to the point of getting Gu WeiYi to team up with her against Si TuMo.

Ugh! I can’t imagine talking about my sons to their girlfriends like she dissed her STM in front of GWY. I’ll go over them.

At their first meeting.

Mom: Do you have a girlfriend? (Rude question. This is none of her business.)
WY: No.
Mom: You must choose a good one. (“I want a bad girlfriend,” said no one ever.)
WY: Okay.
Mom. Your mom said that you’re good at studying. You have been sponsored by the scholarship since you were young, but don’t work too hard on your studies. (Faulty conclusion. Being good at studying does NOT necessarily mean he’s studying TOO HARD. He can be just studying SMARTER. i.e., focusing on the essentials, understanding subject material and its application, etc.)
WY: Okay.
Mom: Studies are important but you can’t neglect your personal things too. You must work too hard to get a girlfriend. (Just stop! Stop right there. You just met the guy, Mommy Dearest! Why are you presuming that you know about private life and lecturing him about his own business?)
WY: Okay.

Si TuMo snickers on the side, and her mom suddenly turns on her and berates her.

Mom: How dare you? Why are you laughing? Do you have a boyfriend? How dare you laugh?

My reaction:

Look: STM stifles a giggle because GWY is MEEKLY acquiescing to her mom’s demands and KINDLY accommodating her mom’s intrusion. She isn’t laughing at his lack of girlfriend.

But her mom is being passive-aggressive with her and misunderstands her. And there’s an implied insult here. Her mom is saying that GWY has an excuse for not getting a girlfriend (i.e., he’s been studying hard) but STM has no excuse for being single (i.e., she isn’t studying hard like GWY). See that slur on her daughter?

Mom: Actually both of you… (I’m sure she’s about to suggest that the two of them date since they’re both singles)
STM: Mom, cut the crap! (Tsk tsk tsk. I know STM’s only preempting her mom, but I can’t imagine my sons talking like this to me or their dad.)
Mom: What did I say? I’m not pressuring you. I’m just saying it. I’m just merely saying it.
WY: Okay.

Then later when the mom made the late-night dessert for him, she serves GWY first.

Mom: Taste it.
WY: Thank you, aunt.

The bowl’s hot so he blows on his fingers and touches his earlobes. (lol. I didn’t know that touching earlobes would provide relief to burnt fingers. I wonder why. Is it because earlobes have fatty tissues to absorb heat and fingertips don’t?)

Mom: Come on. Stop playing (telling STM). Here, take this.

Awww… WY takes the bowl from her so STM doesn’t burn her fingers, too. STM looks at him.

WY: Wait a moment.
STM: Why?
WY: It’s better if we start eating together.

Awww… He wants them to eat together but really, he’s warning her because the food’s still hot. She doesn’t know that the food’s burning since he was the one who touched the bowl. He doesn’t want her to burn her tongue after he just saved her from burning her fingers. Sweet, right?

Mom: You’re really a good boy. Let’s dig in and stop playing! (telling STM)

Two things I take issue with in this scene.

First, the mom is really low-class. The food’s hot so she should have used her brains and gotten a a) kitchen towel or an oven mitt, b) serving tray to carry the bowls, or c) saucer for each bowl. Why is she creating such a commotion with the hot bowl?

Second, mom’s passive-aggressiveness is showing. She praises WeiYi and scolds TuMo again. She keeps this up and her future son-in-law will learn from her and treat TuMo in the same nitpicking, critical way, too.

Then the following morning, she does the same thing. She nags her.

She starts creating a ruckus when Momo clearly tells her that she wants to sleep in. Mom and daughter tug over the blanket and mom tells her, “You’re really lazy!” Huh? What did this woman expect? She made Momo stay up late last night with that late-night snack of hers.

But as if calling her daughter “lazy” isn’t insulting enough, her mom piles it on, “You’re just like a pig. You sleep like a piggy and it looks like I’m slaughtering a pig now.”

What a great incentive to wake up: being called a pig. If somebody calls me a pig first thing in the morning, I’m going to slug her with a pillow. She should thank her lucky stars that a pillow hit her instead of a bedside lamp or my fist.

Really. Whenever my nieces come and stay with me, I bring them a cup of their favorite brew of coffee or tea to wake them up. No wonder Momo answers her back impudently like that.

Then, after instigating the morning fracas, this woman who calls herself “mom” has the gall to tell Momo, “I’ll beat you if you wake Xiao Gu up.” What the heck?

But you know what really takes the cake? She wakes up her daughter so they can serve breakfast for WeiYi. I’m so steamed.

 

STM: You’re awake. Let’s eat breakfast.
WY: Good morning, aunt.
Mom: You’re awake.

He sits down at the table and spots the prepared food.

STM: (clears throat) Dear guest, do you want to try our fresh ground soy soup with salty oil stick which was made with Spanish olive oil or porridge with Chinese black egg and braised meat inside wheat bread?
WY: Huh?
Mom: She’s asking whether you want soy milk and fried dough sticks or porridge with pork buns.
WY: Buns and porridge will do.
STM: I want the other one.
Mom: Then hurry up and get it. Are you waiting for someone to serve you?

WY and STM both stand up to serve themselves. See that? I like that Gu WeiYi doesn’t think that HE needs to be served. But mom detains WY and orders STM.

Mom: Get the porridge for Xiao Gu.
STM: Here.

Goodness gracious! Guys and gals have hands and feet; they can help themselves.  I’ve sons, but I don’t expect my future daughters-in-law to serve them, especially when both of them have a busy work day ahead. But this TV mom stresses out her own daughter by imposing anachronistic expectations on her to be servile to her man. Ugh! She’ll demand Momo to work outside the home and, at the same time, do all the work inside the home, too.

Really. It’s much better when she isn’t around so WY and STM can learn to manage on their own and divvy up their chores. As it is, WY is more than ready to help around in the kitchen and clean the house.

When STM return home that day, she flops on the couch.

Immediately, the mom pounces on her.

Mom: Look at you. Behave yourself. You should behave like a girl. If Xiao Gu sees you, he won’t like you.

STM: Who cares?

Good answer! I say, if a guy judges her on the basis of the way she sits after a long hard day of work, then that guy doesn’t deserve her.

Moreover, there’s a better way of teaching decorum. Behavior modification doesn’t have to be nagging or a scolding. If I were the mom, I would have first asked Momo about her day, then offer to give her a hug or a back rub next. lol. An offer of a back rub will get her sitting up properly. What the mom is doing is invalidating STM’s fatigue all because she’s in pursuit of a husband for her. Ewww.

But Gu WeiYi arrives home and STM scrambles to sit up properly.

See that? She knows how to behave with WY around so give her a break, mom. Don’t be too harsh on your daughter!

Mom: Xiao Gu, you’re back home.
WY: Yes.
Mom: Are you hungry? (grrrrr. She should have asked her daughter the same thing, too! She’s obviously fawning over him and playing favorites. It’s tiresome.)

WY: No.
Mom: (ordering STM up) Come on, get up. Put away the clothes and fold them nicely. (WY stares after her) You come back so late, you must be hungry now. I’ll cook for you right now. Momo, quickly help me to clean the vegetables. Actually, Momo is quite hardworking and good at doing chores. (Is she offering Momo to WY as his wife or servant? Why is even describing her Momo in these terms?)
STM: No! (+1000000000 points)
Mom: Well… you can help me clean the vegetables. (talking to WeiYi)
WY: Okay.
Mom: (hissing) This lazy girl.

But WY doesn’t know how to wash a cauliflower head without wasting a gallon of water, so she asks him to cut the carrot instead. When he’s gone, she mumbles, “It’s obvious that you never do any chores.”

She later calls STM to lend a hand and STM sees at WY’s carrot-cutting skills. She bursts out laughing because he’s dicing them exactly down to an inch cube. Her mom scolds her again.

Mom: You know nothing. He is a scientist. He made his point. You must respect the future pillar of society. (turning to WY) It’s okay. It’s good. Just carry on. (she gives Momo the stink eye)

STM: (mimicking mom) It’s good. Just carry on.

WeiYi gives her a supercilious look, too. He hands her the butcher’s knife (wrong knife!) and leaves her to do the work.

To me, this scene isn’t at all funny.

The mom’s praise of WeiYi is misguided and nonproductive. Not only does WeiYi leave with an inflated (and incorrect) sense of himself, but he also learns nothing from his experience. It could have been a teachable moment for him if he had been taught HOW to wash and cut vegetables. Bottom line: he’s still no help around the kitchen.

Her mom’s praise for WY = kitchen participation trophy. lol.

From my personal experience, the best way to teach someone to cook is to demonstrate and explain why things are done that way. When I explain to my sons in detail (like I explain things here on this blog, lol), then they learn to adapt, vary and experiment with recipes to suit their taste. STM’s mom did a disservice here.

Motto to live by:

And that’s why I dislike this episode.

It’s full of gender stereotypes and I bristled at Si TuMo’s mother’s non-stop put-downs and criticisms of her actions. In her eyes, STM can do nothing right,

while GWY can never do wrong.

I know that viewers will brush off these scenes as just “comic relief.” But it’s one thing to dismiss her character as satirical of a typical Asian mom on a matchmaking quest, and it’s another to accept this mom’s blatant sexism and to turn a blind eye to her meanness. To me, her treatment of her daughter is objectionable. And her actions must be pointed out so we can stop ourselves from unconsciously emulating them in our interactions with our own daughters…and sons.

The only bright moments for me in this episodes are:

1. The walnut scene

STM: What are you doing?
WY: Opening walnuts.
STM: You can’t do it that way. You’re pressing too hard. Let me show you. (Her method is better than her mom! She shows him how to do it.)

When her walnut comes out just as crushed as his, she says, “It will be cooked in paste so it doesn’t matter.” He tries again, and this time he does it right. And she praises him then.

STM: Let me see. (grabbing it from him). Look at this. Let’s celebrate and eat this.
WY: Alright.
STM: So yummy. Do you know the correct way now? Just carry on.

But the next one comes crushed again.

STM: The size isn’t suitable. (she’s blaming the size of the walnut, and not his competence) I’ll get one for you. Mmmm. This one is better.

Left alone to themselves, Si TuMo and Gu WeiYi interact better. Without the mom’s interference, they’re already supportive of each other. Plus, she isn’t pressured to spoil him and to take on a traditional and subservient role. She doesn’t resent WY’s presence as an inconvenience.

2. The hot bowl scene

Because he cared for her in his quiet ways. Without calling attention to it.

3. When they played mahjong

I liked it that STM offered to play for him when he first lost and accepted WY’s decision. She backed down when WY said that he could do it. She trusted him.

Of course, I also liked that he offered to give all his winnings to STM. lol. He looked so proud.

He’s like a puppy when it brings his master his toy because he wants to please her.

Of course, we know the whole point of the mahjong, right?

The mom wants to test whether Gu WeiYi can earn money on his own and support Si TuMo in the future. Sigh. As much as I like the idea of the GWY being the breadwinner, she really should be more confident in her own daughter’s ability to earn income and support GWY, too. But I guess in this TV mom’s world (and the writer’s world, too), role reversals are unheard of.