Chapter 11. Moved. If this is love
Featured Object: Snowflakes

I find it disappointing that many viewers view this episode as the turning point for Duan Jiaxu for the wrong reasons. I say wrong because:

because they think that this is the episode when his eyes are first — and finally! – opened to love for Sang Zhi,
because they think that their couple’s moment in the snow is when he realized that he was in love with her,
And because they think that he disavowed his feelings for her after his phone conversation with Qian Fei.

I think these are the wrong interpretations of the events because they’re missing the big picture. They’re incomplete. But I attribute this error in assessment mainly to viewers’ squeamishness to a budding romance between a 21-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl. This became their blind spot, and they didn’t observe that he too had a crush on her ever since he met her again in high school.

Perhaps in the web novel, that’s how his side of the love story was told, i.e., he only awakened to his feelings after they spent time in the snow. But in this cdrama, that isn’t how it unfolded.

I’ve combed through these episodes to prove that, time and time again, the chapters and the featured objects have two romantic orientations. Two, not one.

On record, the chapters show the hidden love of Sang Zhi. She agonizes over her unrequited love for her Gege. But off the record, and under the surface, the chapters also demonstrate the truly secret, hidden love of Duan Jiaxu. Consistently, he agonizes over his forbidden feelings for his meimei because a) she’s his junior by 5 years, and b) he has enormous financial and filial burdens.

For me, that’s the novelty of this cdrama. We’re given not just one, but two sides of the hidden love story.

Now, I’ll take apart this title, “Moved. If this is love.”

A. “Moved”

“Moved” here means to be emotionally stirred, agitated, affected, or touched by someone or something. It involves the heart and mind.

Here’s one example of a moving scene for Sang Zhi and Jiaxu. I’m sure you can see the others.

B. “If this is love”

If you noticed, the title didn’t ask “Is this love?” This question only requires a simple yes-or-no answer.

Instead, the title opines, “If this is love.” This isn’t a question but a condition. Technically, this is the start of a conditional statement, an if-then statement. A conditional statement has two parts, the condition (or a hypothesis) and conclusion (or outcome).

Like this,

The assertion or hypothetical condition: If this is love,
The reasonable outcome or conclusion: then the lover will do this, this, and that.

In this episode, there are numerous scenes with a “if this is love” hypothetical condition and a matching action taken by Sang Zhi and Jiaxu. I’ll give you examples to illustrate what I’m saying.

Let me start off with Sang Zhi because her examples are easier to comprehend.

1. The water slap

Updated 8/12/2023. Adding the gifs.

credit: zhoufeis’ tumblr

If this is love that she feels for Jiaxu, then she’ll defend him.

Psycho: Who are you? What’s wrong with you?
SZ: And what’s wrong with you?
Psycho: It’s none of your business! Do you know why I did that?
SZ: I don’t care why.

If this is love, then she’ll take his side no matter what the psycho says about him.

SZ: Listen, if you assaulted him, I would return the favor.

Note the “if-then” condition in Sang Zhi’s statement, too. She’s ferocious because Jiaxu was attacked.

If this is love, then she’s his ninja warrior, She-Ra, Wonder Woman, G.I. Jane, and Mulan all rolled into one.

Do you get what I mean then? The title alerts us to the different scenes in the episode where love is depicted, and makes us ponder how a person in love would have acted in those circumstances. Okay, here are more examples.

2. Her advice

SZ: It’s cold. Put your coat on.

She wipes his cheeks then wraps his scarf around his neck. This reminds me of the hospital scene. If this is love, then she’ll take decisive actions to care for his physical well-being. She’s in charge.

SZ: So, Jiaxu Ge. Who is that woman?
DJ: Someone unimportant.

She waits for him to explain. If this is love, then she’ll wait to hear him out. She’ll listen.

DJ: To be precise, I guess she’s my dad’s former creditor.
SZ: I ran into her once.
DJ: Did you?
SZ: When you were hospitalized, I went to get your things at your place. We walked past each other.
DJ: Did she do anything to you?

His first concern is her safety. Sang Zhi shakes her head no.

SZ: So I guess she was there to see you. Does this happen every time she sees you?

Her first concern, too, is his safety. She wants to know whether the psycho has created a violent scene before. If this is love, then she wants him safe from the stalker.

DJ: No.
SZ: (pausing) Jiaxu Ge. As you said, she’s your dad’s former creditor. So it has nothing to do with you. You shouldn’t let her bully you.
DJ: I don’t…There’s no way she can bully me.

If this is love, then she’ll deliver a few home truths.

He needed to be reminded that the words his mother had spoken in that moment of extreme guilt and emotional distress are not binding. Sure, they would have to pay monetary compensation as decided by the court. But there wasn’t any legal or moral obligation for the underaged Jiaxu to look after the widow and the fatherless daughter “for life.” His mom penalized him with a harsher sentence (for life!) than any judge would have done, and it wasn’t even his crime! I would’ve lawyered up if I were him…lol.

If this is love, then she won’t sit quietly while he suffers.

3. The bruise on his cheek

I must commend the actress Zhao Lusi. She did an awesome job in this scene. I get that she cries on cue very well but I like her minimalist acting better. (You know that I’m not easily moved by lacrimal fluids, right? 😭 I’ve seen too many crocodile tears in my line of work.)

In this scene, Sang Zhi’s eyes were fixed on his cheekbone. She was gently tapping ointment on his bruise. Then, she bit a corner of her lip, and her eyes became watery. She asked, “Does it hurt?” And he replied, “No.”

You could barely see her facial movement. Her restraint indicated that she was keeping her emotions in check. That’s how you can tell that Zhao Lusi is progressing as an actress.

Zhao Lusi didn’t need to make a big production to show that her character was commiserating with Jiaxu’s pain.

If this is love, then Sang Zhi’s very convincing. As Mother Teresa of Calcutta would say, she did “a small thing with great love.”

Unfortunately, Jiaxu didn’t see her gesture as a loving one. He was moved by it, no question. But he perceived it as a compassionate, sisterly thing to do. She was merely standing up for him because he was Gege. She would have done the same thing for Sang Yan.

So he thanked her.

DJ: I forgot to say this earlier. Thank you, Sang Zhi.

4. Her wish

SZ: I wish that all bad things will stay away from Jiaxu. I wish that somebody could be with him. I wish that person is me.

If this is love, then naturally, she’ll want to be the one by his side during bad times.

5. The peephole camera

If this is love, then her gifts to him will be chosen with much thought and care.

Note that her friend bought two pairs of shoes for herself, and nothing for her boyfriend, and that she rushed off to give her present to Jiaxu as soon as it arrived.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

So there we have five situations in which Sang Zhi demonstrates her love. If this is love that she truly feels for him, then she’s doing good things for him.

In contrast to Sang Zhi’s examples, Jiaxu’s words and actions need a little bit more explanation. They aren’t as simple and straightforward. They’re EVOLVING.

1. The dinner invitation

Jiaxu was cajoling Sang Zhi to have dinner with him on New Year’s Eve.

SZ: Jiaxu Ge.
DJ: What are you doing?
SZ: Nothing.
DJ: There’s a company dinner tonight. I can bring my family. I’ll bring you.

SZ: (thinking) I’m not your family.

I say he was lying. There was no company dinner and this was just his pretext to take her out. Unfortunately, he used the word, “family,” and she bristled at the idea that they were “family.” 🤦🏼‍♀️ She didn’t want to be reminded of being “meimei”-zoned.

Unknown to her, he had a reason for calling her “family.” I’ll explain this in a bit.

SZ: I’ll pass. I’m about to eat the takeout I ordered.
DJ: Takeouts on New Year’s Eve? If you don’t like crowds, the two of us can have dinner.

🙄How quickly he forgot! He also spent one Lunar New Year’s eve eating takeout back in college.

Since his “company dinner” excuse failed to convince her, he offered an alternative quiet dinner for two.

SZ: Mmm. I don’t feel like going out.
DJ: Hey. You still owe me a meal. Are you trying to back out?

As his dinner-for-two was rejected too, he resorted to playing the “guilt” card.

DJ: I’ll make a reservation right now. You get ready to come out.

He was badgering her and giving her no time to think of an excuse.

SZ: I—
DJ: I’m almost at your university!

This was a patent lie. He hadn’t moved from his office chair.

SZ: (after a few seconds) I’ll get changed.
DJ: (smiling) Good. I’ll call you when I get there.

He accomplished his mission. He got her to agree to have dinner with him. But the question is why he was doing this. Why was he insisting on taking her out?

Short Answer: Because he wanted to apologize.

Long Answer: After upsetting her with his joke, he was at his wit’s end trying to figure out how to win her back. So, he “brainstormed” with his colleagues. His female boss counseled him, “Find some time and take her out for a meal. Talk things through with her, and it should be fine. Also, you should be more careful. She’s an adult now. You can’t joke about everything like before.”

Wellllll, her advice wasn’t perfect. He followed her plan to apologize during the dinner. He was ready to defuse her anger, and mend their rift. But there was one big problem. His boss misunderstood Sang Zhi’s reason for being upset with him as well.

Because of his boss, he assumed that Sang Zhi hated being teased about marrying him because she actually HAD a boy whom she liked. He believed that the joke offended her because she regarded him as her Gege, and nothing more.

Note: And that’s why a) during the phone call, he emphasized that “family” members were invited, and b) during the dinner, he complained that she wouldn’t have a meal with “her brother.”

By stressing their fake-sibling relationship, he thought he was reassuring her not to worry about him holding any romantic thoughts about her. They strictly were brother and sister. He overstepped his boundary when he joked about the two of them marrying and he wouldn’t do it again. Mea culpa!

😑😑😑😑😑

He didn’t know that he was digging himself a bigger hole. He didn’t get that she didn’t like the joke because the joke implied that SHE wasn’t marriage material for HIM. Sang Zhi had to tell him to start eating his food so he wouldn’t talk too much.

Yes, better for him to dig into his food than to dig himself a hole.

To recap, then, if this is love that he feels for her, then he’ll apologize for hurting her, and continue acting just like a Gege to her. To respect the friend-zone — which he assumed SHE wanted — was a sign of his feelings for her.

2. Patting her hair

But then who wouldn’t be moved by tenderness?

Despite his best intentions to keep everything platonic, he couldn’t help falling for her even more when she tended to his bruise.

To maintain a safe brotherly-sisterly relationship, he played it cool, showing no romantic feelings. He shrugged off the injury. He managed to thank her for defending him. He smiled at her like a Gege. No starry eyes or love-struck gazes from him.

Only when she turned her back to him and couldn’t see him, did he allow himself to reach out to her. He wanted to touch her hair.

Ha! 😂 I told you about this in Episode 4 when he hugged her in the alleyway after her encounter with the bullies. I said that he pulled her to him, but he gingerly petted her hair. I said that was odd. If all he felt for her was platonic feelings, then he shouldn’t hesitate to pat her…like how Sang Yan comforted her at the airport.

And here he did it again.

After Sang Zhi applied salve on his cheek, it was understandable that he felt an urge to return the favor and touch her hair.

Look: it was a highly charged moment. If I were the guy, I wouldn’t overthink this. I would’ve wrapped my arms around her for a second (or two) then stroke her hair. There’s a real human need for comfort after a stressful situation, and silky hair is soothing to touch. Besides, she already caressed his face when she was cleaning him up in the hospital.

Face, hair, cheekbone, skin. What’s the difference?

But as it was, his hand hovered over her head. He hesitated because he was afraid that she might consider his touch weird and creepy. When she turned around, he quickly moved his hand away.

And that whole moment was lost. 😑

Sigh. I wish the director of photography would vary his camera shot a bit. Most of the scenes were shot at medium to close-up range, when a full body shot could have been more effective. Here, I wish we could have seen Jiaxu’s hand more.

If this is love that he feels for her, then he won’t want to fluster her with a surprise physical contact. (Remember: she was already embarrassed when he accidentally kissed her on the forehead.) If he loves her LESS, and has only platonic feelings for her, then for sure, he’ll be able to touch her, openly and boldly.

Updated 8/12/2023. Found the gifs!

credit: dailyasiandramas’ tumblr

3. His wishes

After Sang Zhi made her wishes, she asked him if he was going to make a wish for himself, too.

SZ: Aren’t you going to make your wish? It’s this year’s first snowfall.
DJ: Yihe doesn’t get snow often. The last time it snowed was when I was in tenth grade.
SZ: I guess I’m quite lucky.
DJ: I’m lucky, too. I get to see the snowfall with you. A wish at the first snowfall is said to come true.

Then, he closed his eyes to make a wish.

DJ: (quietly) I wish Sang Zhi will always be happy and healthy, and so will I.

Note: he only wished for Sang Zhi’s happiness and good health. He didn’t happiness and health for himself. What he meant was that, as long as she was happy and healthy, he would be happy and fine, too. In short, her well-being determined his.

If this is love that he feels for her, then she’s all that matters to him.

SZ: What was your wish?
DJ: It won’t come true if I say it out loud.
SZ: (pouting)
DJ: What did you wish for?
SZ: It won’t come true if I say it out loud.

Then, she started playing with snow again while he looked at her.

If this is love that he feels for her, then he’ll want to indulge in the romance of first snowfall and wishes. Rationally, Jiaxu knew that no such magic exists. But he was willing to suspend his disbelief, make a wish like Sang Zhi did, and enjoy this precious moment with her.

For comparison to a love-less outing, check the next scene when Sang Zhi’s roommates and the P.E. guy were celebrating the first snowfall. Lol. They wanted to fire up the grill and drink beer.

4. Her photograph

He went home and encountered the psycho. She screamed at him that his dad killed her dad so he owed her big time. He didn’t pussyfoot around and he told her exactly what he would do for her in the future: exactly nothing.

DJ: I’ve repaid what I should. My dad paid the price too. I don’t owe you anything else.
Psycho: Duan Jiaxu! (tugging his arm)
DJ: (pulling his arm away to enter his building)
Psycho: Don’t forget what your mom promised us! She said you would always take care of me. (wailing)

He scrubbed his hands and washed his face. This is symbolic. Washing his hands and face was his way of washing away his connection to the past. He was discharging himself from the indebtedness that his parents imposed on him. He was freeing himself so he could live a new life.

He knelt before his mother’s photograph and apologized that he wouldn’t carry on with her pledge.

Then, he picked up his graduation photo with Sang Zhi and thanked her. Her advice got through to him.

If this is love, then he’ll find courage in her words to set himself free.

5. The fireworks

He climbed the rooftop to watch the fireworks. As he took a picture of the night sky, he received a text from her.

SZ: Happy New Year, Jiaxu Ge. May you be happy every day.
DJ: Happy New Year.
SZ: I’m watching the fireworks. What about you?

He realized that they were both watching the same sky lit up with fireworks. It seemed like a coincidence (I mean, what else is there to do on New Year’s Eve?) but for somebody with a romantic heart, he would think that this was fated.

He texted her the photo he’d just taken.

DJ: Me too. It’s beautiful.

He stood admiring the fireworks. At the same time, he was remembering how he had come so close to touching her hair that evening.

He then took out his phone and began to edit her contact information. He replaced the more formal Sang Zhi with a more personal nickname ZhiZhi. To me, he decided to

But as he did so, more flashbacks came to him. He remembered her asking who the psycho was. He remembered the psycho waiting for him when he got home that night. He also remembered Sang Zhi teasing him about his age.

All these flashbacks weighed on his mind. They were impediments to him developing a closer relationship with Sang Zhi. Though he wanted to save her name under “Zhizhi,” he couldn’t.

Now, this is symbolic, of course. But I think many viewers got the wrong idea that he was so discouraged by the hurdles ahead of him that he decided to give up on his feelings for her.

Nope.

He was merely copying what Sang Zhi had done before when she boxed all his gifts and stored them. He decided that it wasn’t the right moment yet to alter his relationship with her. He was willing to wait and bide his time.

If this is love, he can wait.

That’s why he sat at his desk and fiddled around with her sticky notes. Literally, he had time to waste. Those sticky notes were old reminders. He could’ve thrown them away but he kept them and displayed on his desk.

6. Qian Fei’s phonecall

DJ: Congratulations, buddy.
Qian Fei: Enough about me. What about you? Didn’t you say you were going on a blind date? Did you?
DJ: What blind date? No way.
Qian Fei: Has anyone caught your eye? You must have feelings for someone.

Instantly, he recalled the moments earlier when Sang Zhi rubbed ointment on his cheek, played with snow, and talked about wishes.

Qian Fei: Jiaxu? I think I’ve caught a trace of something from your few seconds of silence. What’s going on? Who is it?
DJ: What do you…
Qian Fei: Tell me!
DJ: Have you calmed down yet? Hurry up and go to sleep. You’re about to be a married man.
Qian Fei: No, tell me who it is.
DJ: I’m hanging up.

Then, he tossed the phone away and stared at it. He muttered, “What am I thinking?” Then, he touched the little sticky notes that Sang Zhi had left for him and flicked one of them. He muttered, “Kiddo.”

The common interpretation is that he was annoyed, even appalled, with himself for developing inappropriate feelings for her. He shouldn’t cross the line with her because she was still a kid.

But I say nope. That’s wrong. That interpretation does NOT align with the events in this episode, and in the next episode.

The way I see it, he tossed his phone away because he got spooked.

He was horrified because he almost gave himself away to that big blabber-mouth Qian Fei. He didn’t expect his friend to be that perceptive.

He was berating himself, like this, “Yikes! That Qian Fei is really something! Is he psychic? How could he have guessed so quickly? What’s wrong with me? What am I thinking? I almost gave my secret away.”

Then, he glared at Sang Zhi’s sticky memos and flicked one. He couldn’t flick her head so he flicked her memo notes, instead.

He was blaming her for popping into his head at a most inconvenient moment. He was scolding her mentally, like this, “Darn it, ZhiZhi! Even when you’re not here, you’re still giving me trouble. I swear you’re such a nuisance. Kiddo!”

That’s why there’s a glimmer of a smile as he muttered, “Kiddo.”

If this is love, then he must be prepared for random thoughts of her.

But do you see the evolution of his conditional statement, “If this is love”?

At dinner time, he’s determined to keep his feelings hidden because he didn’t want to hurt her again. After the water slap, he almost couldn’t hide his feelings, but he restrained himself because he didn’t want to fluster her. When the snow fell, he began to hope that things would – and could — get better between them. As long as she was happy and healthy, so would he be. After he got home and encountered the psycho again, he found courage from Sang Zhi’s words to cut ties with the past. He already fulfilled his duty; he couldn’t be expected to carry the punishment forever. After the fireworks, he realized that he had his work cut for him. But he wouldn’t give up; he had time to wait. Then, after Qian Fei’s phone call, he realized that he would have to do a better job of hiding his feelings for her. It wasn’t going to be an easy task because he often thought of her.

If this is love, then he can’t give up this easily.