Please come back later. This is a work in progress.
Heads-up: if I begin posting with a password, it means one of two things:
a. I haven’t finished writing my opinions down and I’m still taking screenshots. The password will be removed later.
b. I’m tired of noises. The password won’t be removed, and I’m granting access only to those I like to chat with.
Yeah. I’m bitchy, petty, grouchy, prissy, clique-y. Pick your poison.
If I could, I’d like to shut this whole blog down.
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Chapter 12. Courage. If I could
Featured Object: Airplane
I’m using the Netflix subs for the dialogues.
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A. On Courage
If Sang Zhi and Duan Jiaxu had the courage, there were words they wanted to say to say to each other.
1. Sang Zhi’s words
She needed courage from alcohol. In vino veritas, as the dictum says.
SZ: Gege.
DJ: Mmm?
SZ: I have a secret. A secret that I’ve been hiding in my heart.
DJ: Do you want to tell me?
SZ: Well. There is someone that I really like. But he just doesn’t like me.
DJ: Who is it?
SZ: I can’t tell you.
DJ: Not even me?
SZ: Mmm. Zhizhi is so sad. Zhizhi is so sad.
DJ: Is that because of the person you like?
SZ: Mmm.
DJ: Are you sure you can’t tell me who it is?
SZ: (shaking her head)
DJ: Then tell me what kind of person he is. Does he treat you well? You can tell me that much, right?
SZ: He is…he is…
DJ: What?
SZ: (tear falling, she looks at him) I don’t know how to put it into words.
DJ: What do you mean?
SZ: He’s really nice. He’s also really nice to me. But he’s nice to everyone. He’s nice to everybody! (crying) He’s a ladies’ man.
DJ: So he has made you so heartbroken. If he is someone like that, stop liking him. Can you do that?
SZ: (sobbing, not answering him)
My comments:
a. Can we applaud the actors? It must have been emotionally exhausting to do multiple takes of this scene. You could tell by counting the different ways her nose was resting on his shoulder. Lol. The director had to shoot the scene from different angles to show his-and-hers reactions. Then, the film editor spliced the footages to create one long sequence.
b. Sang Zhi was drunk-talking. Nevertheless, she kept her wits about her and didn’t accidentally let it slip that she was crushing on him. Me? At 18, I would have blabbered the whole truth when intoxicated.
c. I find it interesting that he had thought of calling her “Zhizhi” even before he heard her call herself by that name. Her dormroom friends called her “Sang Sang” and her brother called her, “Little demon.”
d. On one hand, I find it ridiculous that she called him a “ladies’ man” when she could count with one hand the number of times, she’d seen him with a woman. By definition, a ladies’ man is somebody who enjoys the company and attention of women. But she’d seen Jiaxu in the company of three women: the injured girl at sports day, the woman at the airport, and the psycho woman who water-slapped him. But on the other hand, I understand it. That image of Jiaxu helping a classmate at sports day clearly made a big impression on her, and impressions don’t often get revisited for veracity.
e. We can discern Jiaxu’s reactions to Sang Zhi’s revelation evolving. When she first confessed that she liked somebody, he tried to appear neutral and dispassionate. He was pretending that he didn’t mind hearing her secret because he was just an “older brother.” It was a matter of self-preservation, too. He wanted to insulate himself from her bad news since he had feelings for her.
Once he learned that she was sad because of this mystery guy, he went on protective mode. His primary concern was no longer about HIS feelings, but HER feelings. He didn’t care about the identity of the mystery guy anymore; he only cared whether the mystery guy treated her well. Then, since he couldn’t beat up (lol) the mystery guy himself for making Sang Zhi cry, he advised her to summon the courage to stop liking the guy.
2. Duan Jiaxu’s words
As for Duan Jiaxu, he only had courage to share his thoughts and feelings when he knew that she couldn’t hear him.
Here’s the Netflix subs.
DJ: Sang Zhi.
SZ: (no answer)
DJ: So that’s the kind of guy you like. Why don’t I become like him? And I’ll be nice to you alone. That way, our Sang Zhi probably won’t be so sad anymore. Letting someone else take care of you doesn’t put me at ease at all. If you don’t say anything, I’ll take it as a yes. My situation has improved. I’ve paid all my debts. I have a pretty great personality. The only thing is that I’m a bit older than you. When I was 21, you already thought I was old. Now, rounding up, you’re almost 20. Sang Zhi is a grown-up now.
DJ: (he moves to touch her cheek then stops himself)
DJ: What am I doing?
My comments:
I’ll break this down.
“So that’s the kind of guy you like.”
Sang Zhi said that the guy she liked was “really nice” to her. When he reflected on how he behaved towards Sang Zhi ever since they met again (e.g., scolding her, lecturing her, teasing her about marriage without considering her feelings), he knew he would be the last person on earth she would describe as “really nice.”
Moreover, when he picked her up from the bar, she was implicitly protesting his overbearing ways. She was angry at him for curtailing her fun. She insisted, “I’m an adult. I’m a grown-up. Why can’t I visit a bar?…Why can’t I be here when I’m an adult?” Then she pointed out, “You said so. You told me that when I grow up, I can do what I want. But now I’ve grown up. I’m already an adult. But there are still many things that I can’t do. Or maybe I’m afraid to do them.” He knew she considered him a major hindrance.
“Why don’t I become like him?”
In the Youku subs, he said, “Is it okay if I become like him?”
He was presenting himself as a better alternative. If I were to match this with the title and main theme of this episode, I would have written this as “Could I become like him?”
“And I’ll be nice to you alone.”
This is nuanced. He knew that he couldn’t be “nice” to her all the time. He was bound to scold, nag, and tease her in the future; he couldn’t help it. But he could guarantee that he would only have eyes for her. Sang Zhi would never need to worry that he would be a ladies’ man.
The reason he could be sure of himself is that for the past years, she had been the only female on his mind.
“That way, our Sang Zhi probably won’t be so sad anymore.”
This is cute. On the surface, he’s offering to be her guy so SHE would no longer be sad. But subconsciously, he would like her to consider him so HE would no longer be sad, too. It’s a win-win situation.
“Letting someone else take care of you doesn’t put me at ease at all.”
This is an understatement. Sure, this could be interpreted as jealousy. He didn’t feel at ease with her having a boyfriend because he was jealous. But I think it’s more than that. Look: if Sang Zhi liked somebody and began dating the lucky guy, he knew he had no choice but to accept the situation. What could he do? It’s the boyfriend’s prerogative/privilege/responsibility to take care of her. However, it’s been his prerogative/privilege/responsibility to take care of her all this time. If truth be told, he did a better job taking care of her than her own brother (e.g., showing up at the teacher conference, dealing with her “feminine” accident, teaching her physics, handling the “online boyfriend”)
Of course, given their history together, he wouldn’t feel at ease yielding to another guy
“If you don’t say anything, I’ll take it as a yes.”
Silent is consent? He wished! Ha! He knew he couldn’t say this to her if she had been awake. Thus, he was taking this opportunity to say the words he had NO COURAGE to tell her.
“My situation has improved. I’ve paid all my debts. I have a pretty great personality.”
He was pitching himself to her while she was sleeping because he had no confidence to tell all this when she was awake. Note here: he didn’t mention the psycho girl.
“The only thing is that I’m a bit older than you. When I was 21, you already thought I was old. Now, rounding up, you’re almost 20. Sang Zhi is a grown-up now.”
For him, that was the major stumbling block FOR Sang Zhi. She couldn’t get past the age issue. Of course, he was mistaken. He didn’t get that she would only mock HIS age to retaliate because she was hurt that he would bring up HER age.
“What am I doing?”
Again, two interpretations. The obvious one is obvious.
The alternative one is this: he realized it was silly to engage in this wishful thinking/confession-in-the-car when he knew that she was asleep and couldn’t hear a word he was saying. He had better luck making things right for her so she wouldn’t be sad anymore when she was awake.
The thing with Jiaxu is that he might be 5 years older than her but he was a pretty sensitive and empathic sort of guy.
B. If I could
This isn’t grammar class, so I’ll make this quick. I think there are three ways to interpret this.
1. He’s expressing a desire.
Like this, “If I could be your secret love, then I would treat you better. I would do X, Y, and Z for you.”
He wants her to know that he will do things differently for her.
2. He’s stating an impossibility.
Like this, “If I could, I’d really really really like to be your ‘special someone.’ But I’m sure you would find that idea grotesque.”
But he thinks it’s impossible to be considered in the running for boyfriend status because she sees him as nothing more than Gege and she’s already in love with somebody.
3. He’s asking for her permission.
Like this, “Could I be your boyfriend? I realize that you only see me as your Gege. However, if you would reconsider and decide to take me as your boyfriend, then I would be eternally grateful to you, and you would be my goddess forever.”
I’m inclined to go with this third option just because.
C. The airplane
I can’t think of airplanes right now. I’m tired of airplanes.
Will edit and finish this later.
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Update: 8/8/2023. Got too lazy to edit this. I wrote about the airplane here:
Hidden Love: Ep 12 On Airplanes
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Updated: 8/21/2023. Found some gifs.
source: ahsung’s tumblr
Thank you, @packmule. When I first saw this episode, I thought, here we go — drunken confession trope. I’m glad it didn’t turn out that way.
I think it didn’t help his frame of mind that she twice asked him not to be mean to her after she was sick on him. When he asked, ‘When have I ever been mean to you?’ she said nothing, not denying that it happened. By mean, I think she meant DJ scolding her as he did in their re-meet in episode 8, but she may have been afraid that he was disgusted and might shun her in the future.
Sang Zhi also changed gears to a protective mode, but it was humorous. When DJ told her that he didn’t have any boobs, she immediately got concerned about his state of mind. “But I hope that you won’t be too sad about it. Things like this are beyond our control.”
It was my impression that Sang Zhi didn’t understand the term ‘Ladies’ man’ to mean a player. I think she used the term to describe that he was nice to multiple ladies. Small wonder that DJ was shocked that her crush was like that.
It seems to me that Sang Zhi and Jiaxu are continually linked by flights. Gosh, I would hate to fly with a hangover! Driving her to the airport is DJ’s way to connect with her, if only for a while, but the connections become cumulative. In this episode, he’s showing that he still cares for her after the messy previous night. Through his offer to drive SZ to her flight, he has also purposefully made himself known to her room mates and to Jiang Ming who is the competition in his eyes.
I liked the director’s use of mirrors in this episode. There was SZ’s profile at 10.05 as she was being questioned by her room mate Wang Wang. There was also the rear view mirror image of Jiaxu’s eyes during his monolog in the car at 31.14. I thought the mirrors symbolically let us watch more than what met the eye head-on and giving a sense of being a hidden observer, but there may be other interpretations as well.
I wanted to say that this episode’s drive to the airport would be their 3rd airport experience if you count the red packet DJ found in his pocket on New Years as his flight was called. The second would be the airport meeting at the time of SZ’s trip to Yihe to meet the online boyfriend. (It seems he wasn’t contacted to meet her when she arrived in Yihe to start her first term at the Uni.)
Love it! 🥰
Love this episode too. Yes, Lusi and CZY did awesome in the drunk scene. 👏🏻 one was bawling her eyes out and the other had tears in his eyes. The emotional connection is there. 🥰
They both made an honest confession pertaining to each other but without letting them know that it’s each other that they’re referring too. ☺️
I chose number 3 too. 😍
Poor you and airplanes. 😄 Have you rested and gotten proper sleep?
Did the airplane refer to DJ having the courage to fly towards SZ? Before he dropped her to the airport he was already flying towards her.
When he flew back to Nanwu. He was determined then. He knew he’s flight course. 😄
@Fern, that’s right. All those airport scenes. Our couple had a lot of them, mostly emotional ones too. ☺️
I wonder how long DJ had to wait for SZ’s dorm bffs before he was able to carry her inside their dorm. ☺️
😂😂 You stole my thunder!!!
Yes, that’s WHAT I THINK the airplane was for. It symbolized his flight plan, his trajectory, his intended flight towards her.
And it balances/counters the paper airplane.
Was going to write about it separately… now, I don’t have to. 😂
Oooppps! 😂 I’m sorry. 🙇🏻♀️
I didn’t mean to steal your thunder. It’s all good. Let’s move on to episode 13. 😂
And yeah, I totally forgot that the New Year’s dinner was on DJ but I have a feeling SZ did end up paying for it. ☺️
I like that Sang Zhi doesn’t expect him to pay for her meals. I don’t know about future episodes because I haven’t gone further than Ep 13 (and I still have to watch that without skipping). But for now, she picks up the tab.
She also paid for her dessert at the shop DJ worked at, and her plane ticket back to Nanwu.
Yes, me too. SZ is very conscious with that. ☺️
Spoiler. When they get together, she lets him pay when they’re on a date but she pays for some too like ordering food delivery for him when his at work. Later, she will give him her internship card worth 8,000 yuan. 😊
@agdr03, I’ll take your and @packmule3’s flight trajectory analogy a bit further, I agree that the plane means planning for rapprochement. As I said before, there are so many airport-related scenes in this drama.
Just for background: there are only two locations in this drama: Yihe and Nanwu. I looked up both: As far as I can see, Nanwu is a historical city and Yihe is a river and perhaps an area, not a proper city, so they are both more or less fictitious but relatable to Chinese viewers. The drive between them takes over 6 hours, so I’m guessing they are about 350-400 miles apart. (SZ drew a map with the cities.) Although far apart by car, it would be a short plane journey. The symbolic plane could represent their efforts to get close to each other, as they are sometimes separated in the two locations throughout this drama. Eventually the plane will land with them both in the same place once and for all.
@agdr03, I also was wondering about the scene where the room mates see DJ for the first time. Pity it wasn’t included. But we can tell what they think by their comments and faces.🤩
Yes, by the time he flew to Nanwu in the next episode, DJ knew his course. He would seek to be flying and driving with her and to her as much as possible from this point forward. I won’t even go into the flight back machinations!!! 😈
@Fern, I like your analogy too. ☺️ It doesn’t matter how many plane rides they do, either together or not but the destination will be the same, in each other’s arms. 🥰
Hehehe, I love his flight path especially when he said that they were on the same flight back to Yihe. That’s guts there and his team of course! 😂
Spoiler for episode 13.
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Yes, DJ lied boldly and shamelessly to stay by her side, right? ✈️
He was unusually bold and calculating at the wedding, too. SZ noticed and asked her brother if DJ was acting strangely.
🧧 I wondered if DJ was behind the fact that Sang Zhi attended Fei’s wedding feast? It’s not as though Sang Zhi was close to Fei or his bride and I’m pretty sure Sang Yan wouldn’t have suggested it. Maybe there’s something I missed or it wasn’t subbed. I know that the parents were out, so she would have been home alone otherwise.
Back to episode 12, SZ is waiting for DJ’s explanation of why she shouldn’t meet him at his home or workplace. When he calls she is elated, but when she gives him information about her exams and flight to Nanwu, all he responds is, “Okay” and she is deflated all over again. She doesn’t know that he is planning to drive her to the airport.
When DJ calls back to ask SZ if they could meet after her exams, she replied “I might not have time.” She was excitedly expecting him to persuade her, but instead he again replied, “Okay” so she was deflated again.
I think she was thinking of this after the bar scene when she told DJ that the person she liked ‘just doesn’t like me.’ This was so close to what she said to him in the airport at Yihe when she was 17. I wondered if she was subconsciously hoping that he would figure it out.
@packmule3
GOSH!!!!
how beautifully you unpacked this scene.
I watched this show breathlessly a month ago and this brought back vividly the thoughts that were going through my head – sooo intense.
I notice that BOTH Firecracker in my Heart AND Hidden Love have found a forum on this site. 🙂
These two recent Cdramas were my introduction to it. How lucky am I – i thought.
I DEARLY DEARLY HOPE that the 3rd show that blew my mind and held me in thrall will also find a forum here – LIGHTER AND THE PRINCESS.
i thought there was SO MUCH to unpack there .. I am 💯💯betting that you are going to LOVE – relish that delish show and its new rising STAR Chen Fei Yu .
It felt like I had discovered this talent personally Lol 😂
(So much bad press on him – nepo kid / scandal etc – but he has raw talent. Checked him out in the Wuxia show later, when he was just a 18 y.o. Kiddo doing the ML. Hes one to watch out for in future)
@bosesuj
I’ve bookmarked “Lighter and the Princess” but I’m unable to watch and review it at this time. It has 36 episodes and I don’t have 72 hours (one hour to watch, another hour to write the review) to spare this month. But thank you for the recommendation. 🙂
pm3
I added gifs.
I appreciate it. 🥰 Thank you. 🙇🏻♀️
CZY has juju lips. 😄 He has very skinny legs like Anh Hyo Seop. 😆
I like that DJ did not touch or molest her while she was drunk and sleeping.
I still remember the drunken sex in “A Business Proposal” of the second leads and those dumb-as-rocks fangirls were cheering and gushing about it. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ 🙄🙄 🤮🤮
100% totally agree!!! 👍🏻
There was never any of those with DJ. 🙅🏻♀️
@agdr03, what are juju lips? I googled it but can’t find any definition that fits – not even slang.
Yes, CZY is as skinny as a rake. It makes him look very tall. He’s 180cm or 5’11”, so he’s not quite as tall as Hwang Min Hyun who plays Do Ha in My Lovely Liar, but to me he seems taller because he’s so lanky.
Sorry @Fern. It’s probably my own slang but I meant he has plump lips. 😃
I agree that it makes him taller but Hwang Min is taller than him? 😱 He didn’t look that much taller to me.
I better get on with My Lovely Liar then. There’s already the hand pulling when sick so yeah. 😂
I get it. Maybe like jujube fruit. Cute. 😊
I look forward to your Lovely Liar comments.
@Fern , Jujube fruit! We’ve only discovered this fruit recently. Mom and I usually go shopping and I said let’s try it Mom. In here it’s about $17 a kilo, sometimes we see it for $35. 😱
But we love it. 😋
I’m not sure how to imagine CZY’s lips as jujube though. 😂