Watching these last two episodes of “A Bona Fide Killer,” I’m reminded of a pivotal scene from my favorite coming-of-age movie, “Dead Poets Society” (1989). In that scene, the professor John Keating, played by Robin Williams, explains the relevance of “poetry, beauty, romance, and love” in the lives of his privileged young students who are expected to become future leaders of society.

JK: We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

Then, he proceeds to quote a few lines from “O Me! O Life!” by Walt Whitman. Whitman was a 19th American poet who extolled individuality and finding one’s authentic voice, among other things.

JK: To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life! of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities filled with the foolish…. What good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity, that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.

For emphasis, he repeats the last line from the poem, challenging his students.

JK: That the powerful play GOES ON and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

Here’s that scene on Youtube.

In my view, this movie scene encapsulates the existential crisis of our heroine Yoo BoNa (BN) in Episodes 7 & 8.

Just like the persona (or speaker) in the poem laments the deplorable state of the world, and regards his existence as exhausting, BoNa struggles to find reason to continue her life as a cold-blooded assassin. While she hasn’t lost faith in their mission to eliminate the recidivists of violent and heinous crimes from society, she wants to retire from the killing field.

I can think of four reasons for her existential crisis.

One, she’s burned-out. It’s inevitable that she realizes the never-ending nature of their mission. It’s impossible to get rid of all the criminals, and to protect the citizens from them forever.

Two, she met Kwon TaeSong.

She first saw him, eight years ago, in an empty stairwell of an empty building. He was unconscious and bleeding from a bashed head. She called emergency service, saving his life, and walked away. It was June, 2018. The South Korean soccer team had just defeated Germany. Note the contrast: she was wearing the SK soccer team’s red devil horns as a headband but she appeared at his side like a ministering angel.

Four months later, in November, she met him again at the hospital where her coworker was recuperating. By that time, she’d already declared her intention to retire. Though her coworker understood her situation as she had been working nonstop for close to ten years, he wanted her to reconsider. To give it serious thought, she stood on the ledge of the hospital building.

Kwon TaeSong (TS) happened to see her precariously standing there and feared that she was about to jump off.

Note here: I don’t think she was about to kill herself. To me, she was simply contemplating her next move. If you rewatch the drama, you’ll observe that she likes to perch on high places — like her alias Kingfisher — and view the world from above. Acrophobia is the least of her problems.

TS: Come down. Hurry.
BN: (instantly recognizing him)
TS: Come on, slow down!
BN: Why?

Here, they got their wires crossed. She was asking him why he was making a big fuss when she was in no danger; she had no intention of jumping off. He, on the other hand, thought that she was asking him to give her one good reason why she shouldn’t kill herself. He thought she was having an existential crisis.

TS: Huh? “Why?” Oh why??? Because life is precious? What I’m trying to say is, after nearly dying recently, I realized a few things. I mean, just looking at the sky, watching the leaves change. “Wow! I’m glad to be alive.” “It’s good to be alive.” Joking around with friends, getting nagged by your family. Worrying about silly things like “What should I eat today?” or “What should I wear tomorrow?” That ordinary everyday life is so precious. It really is precious.

Little did he know that this “ordinary everyday life” that he’s babbling about is precisely what’s missing in BoNa’s life. He was describing the colors of the rainbow to someone with congenital blindness. She couldn’t possibly understand what he was talking about since she never experienced these simple pleasures in life.

TS: (continuing) So…I hope you live and don’t die.

And this was new for her, too. Although none of her coworkers wished death on her, I don’t think she’d heard them verbally expressed a wish for her to live. Her coworker, the Team Leader, wanted her to stay put and WORK.

Note the contrast between the spoken words and the autumnal backdrop. He was pleading for her to go on living while, around them, dying leaves were quietly floating to the ground. Nice, right?

She hopped off the ledge and strode towards him. Intimidated, he took a few steps back.

BN: (grabbing a pack of cigarette from his hand) Says life is precious yet here you are smoking especially after you nearly died. Isn’t that a little much?

Meaning, aren’t you being hypocritical?

TS: (stammering) This isn’t mine. I just found it on my way here.

She tossed it at a wastebasket and it swooshed in. Nothing but net, as they say in basketball.

BN: (cooly) Take care of yourself. Enjoy your ordinary life. One day at a time.

She moved to leave him but he asked her if they had met before. She said no.

TS: I’m sure I’ve seen you before. Even your voice sounds familiar. (he scratches his head while she shakes her head no) Oh. I’m sorry. I…I injured my head, so I think I’m a little out of it. I’m sure my memory will come back once I fully recover, right?

After that, she asked her coworker The Hacker to look up TaeSeong’s published articles and blog. She was clearly curious about him. She discovered that he was pro-Kingfisher.

Sometime later, she sought him out at the hospital garden top where they met. She spotted him with a female visitor whom she mistook to be his girlfriend. When he came bounding to her, she froze him out.

Note the role reversal here. The archetype is the tsundere male. He’s interested in the woman, but he acts aloof, cold and brusque with her. Here, it’s BoNa who gave the puppyish TaeSeong the brush-off. He tried several times to establish a past connection between them, but she rejected each one.

TS: I’m sorry. I’ll think harder and try to figure it out next time.
BN: (glancing at his female visitor and suspecting that his player or smooth talker)
TS: Oh! You might think I’m trying to hit on you or something, but I’m absolutely not. Absolutely not. If we happen to run into each other again—
BN: No. That won’t happen. Don’t waste your time. We’ve never met. (walking out)

I think she’s saying this for herself. She was annoyed with herself for wasting her time and seeking him out. She had acted on the spur of the moment but seeing him with another girl served as a reality check. She knew it was foolhardy to show interest in him because she couldn’t possibly offer him any semblance of normalcy in the future. She knew too that their paths wouldn’t cross again as they live disparately different lives.

TS: Wait! (no to himself) She’s got no mercy. Ugh! I should have asked her name!

See the contrast between them? If she wanted to, she could create a dossier on him with the help of The Hacker, while he didn’t even have her name.

The third reason for her existential crisis is her isolation. To me, her sense of loneliness intensified after her encounter with TaeSeong.

You see, being the designated “guardian” of the innocent citizenry requires that she distance herself from people. She works incognito with good cause. Not only will her profession disconcert and distress her loved ones, but it can also potentially endanger them.

As she walked home from the hospital, she observed the night scene. Families were out and about. Parents were blowing bubbles and the children were playing with bubbles.

Again, I like the visual image here just as much as I like the falling leaves in the earlier scene. Do you see the connection? The bubbles are ethereal things so they must be enjoyed — in the moment — before they disappear.

Autumn leaves. Bubbles. And life, too. Life is passing her by. It must have hit her hard that an “ordinary everyday life” isn’t in the cards for her.

Four, her mental health is deteriorating. At her latest medical check-up, for instance, she catches herself observing her doctor as if he was a target in her rifle scope. To me, that’s scary and very effective symbolism. She’s beginning to blur the lines between work and life and to lose distinction between friend and foe.

That’s why I found Episodes 7 & 8 romantic thought there weren’t many kissing scenes. The romance was in the cinematic, almost poetic, scenes and in the gradual transformation of BoNa’s perspective of life.

Like John Keating in “Dead Poets Society,” I believe in certain things like law and order, enforcement, public safety, victims’ rights, criminal justice. Indeed, these are “noble pursuits” essential in sustaining a peaceful coexistence in a civilized society. However, the purpose in life is derived, not from these things, but from family and love, God and faith, beauty and nature, core values and daily choices.

At the end of Episode 7, BoNa confesses to her coworker The Hacker the significant role of TaeSeong played in her job as Kingfisher. She remembers her existential crisis in the fall of 2018, and credits TaeSeong for giving new meaning to her life.

BN: So what were you curious about?
Hacker: Were you the one who saved Mr. Kwon Tae Seong that day?

This is interesting. The Hacker reviewed CCTV and already knew as of 2018 that TaeSeong was the guy BoNa found in the stairwell. So it’s baffling to me why he still needed to hear verbal confirmation. Perhaps he was feigning ignorance so BoNa wouldn’t catch on that he was already interested in her in 2018 and checking on her interaction with TaeSeong. Note: The Hacker joined the company in 2018, too.

BN: Yeah.
Hacker: Why?
BN: Because I wanted to.
Hacker: It could have been dangerous.

Yes, I like this about The Hacker. He’s always worried about BoNa’s safety though he – like TaeSeong – are liabilities, instead of assets, during a physical combat. He’s protective of his noona.

BN: (nonchalantly) It was. Luckily, it wasn’t.
Hacker: What happened after that?
BN: He…saved me. And I came back.

Note here: I wouldn’t be surprised if The Hacker found that lodge in the mountains via TaeSeong’s blog. Of course, he couldn’t have foreseen that TaeSeong would visit the place in winter as he usually went in the summer (unless TaeSeong blogged that he was spending time there in the winter).

Hacker: Then…
BN: That’s right. My husband. He’s the one who brought me back. And the one who brought me back as Kingfisher this time. Kwon TaeSeong. It’s him.

Let’s be clear here. She hasn’t abandoned their mission; she still believes their extralegal methods are necessary. (Note: “extralegal” means outside the scope of formal, official laws; it isn’t synonymous to “illegal” which explicitly violates an established criminal or civil law.)

However, back in 2018, she questioned her lonely existence in that never-ending pursuit of madmen. Fortunately, TaeSeong entered her life at that exact moment. He revived her from her crisis by opening her eyes to the beauty in the world worth living for. He taught her about love (and self-love, that’s important) and laughter.

The way I see it, she could have retired for good from the company after she gave birth. But again, TaeSeong has given her a reason to return to work. This time around, her mission has become more personal; she has a personal stake in the outcome. Her goal is to make a brighter future for him and Yul, and the countless other families like hers, by ridding the world of monsters. Unlike before, she views her role now as a “superhero,” and embraces it.

Episode 8 to come (hopefully).