Crash Landing on You: On Han, Not Love

I’m not Korean so if I get things wrong, feel free to do to me what people in the Old World used to do to women of my ilk: burn them at the stake.

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Thank you. You all shared your beautiful views on love. I can’t add more so I’ll write a different interpretation of the same scenes.

It’s good to have diverse perspectives so we can enjoy the kdrama better. I’m reminded of this old tale of blind men who came across an elephant for the first time in their lives. Each of them touched a different part of the elephant and so each of them formed a unique concept of the elephant.

One man touched the rough body of the animal and thought it was a wall. The second man touched its trunk and thought it was a giant snake. The third touched its tusk and thought it was a weapon. The fourth touched a knee and thought it was tree. And the last touched the tail and thought it was rope.

Of course, they all spoke half-truths. lol. But my take here is that given our limited perception, the more opportunities we have to re-encounter this unknown beast that we call, “Crash Landing on You,” the better we can understand it.

So now, I’m going to explain this drama through a very Korean cultural trait, the han. If you’ve watched kdrama often enough, you’ll soon notice common thread in the stories, or a pattern to the tear-jerking madness.

To save you the trouble of googling, here are two definitions of han.

Han is a deep feeling difficult to precisely capture with words, but is a combination of sorrow, anger, helplessness due to greater forces of oppression. However, han is also hope—hope of overcoming the injustices in one’s life, hope of a better tomorrow.

Many scholars agree that the Korean concept of han has stemmed from the feelings of powerlessness and unavenged injustice felt by Koreans during the country’s historically trying times, as the small nation has experienced poverty and suffering due to frequent invasions, oppression, and tumultuous politics. Han has become a unifying concept in Korean culture.

Many Koreans today who have never directly experienced the former hardships of the nation come to understand Han through the experiences of their parents and forefathers. Even though it has its roots in the historical, han finds itself many modern and universal applications. Han is experienced by the marginalized minority group, by the single mother struggling to support her children, by the bullied high-school student, by the worker with an unfair boss.

Although the word han has developed through a history unique to Korea, this sentiment of long-endured suffering and the subtle-but-present hope of prevailing is most definitely a universal human experience.

source: http://seoulsync.com/culture/current/important-korean-concepts

Here’s the second one.

Han emotion is deeply rooted in the history and consciousness of Korean people. Loneliness, solitude, deep regret, pride, verticality, dignity, loyalty, pride, passion, revolt, despair, powerlessness, unfulfilled broken dreams, resentment, waiting or in one word, a “torch” in the deep night of the soul. Roughly similarities can be found in Romanian with “dor si jale” or in French with the mélancolie (spleen) of Beaudelaire.

For Korean people these are not lost causes. Self-pity is not an excuse to do nothing. To urge for sympathy for pity’s sake is to seek affirmation of the choice to do nothing. They are empowered by the spirit and the thought of a meaningful experience and so they, bit by bit, transform their life with a deep silent resilience.

source: https://culture360.asef.org/magazine/loneliness-west-east-han-korean-loneliness-emotion-and-its-meaning-european-audiences/

I first noticed the presence of han in the Prayer bowl in Episode 10. If you remember, I wrote that there were two levels of interpreting that scene then went directly to the reunion of families. I deliberately skipped over the romance aspect, hoping that none of you would ask me to explain at that time.

JungHyuk was at the hut, sitting near the prayer bowl. He imagined Seri beside him.

SR: I heard what this is. Someone offered prayers with water. Pyo Chisoo told me earlier. There lived a mother with a son who went to war 60 years ago here.
JH: I know that.
SR: I wonder if the mother met her son. If I await desperately with prayers, will I be able to meet someone I miss?
JH: You do it to live. If you give up on waiting, the pain of loss will kill you. That’s why you wait.

He turned to look at her, but her vision had disappeared. So, he looked at the prayer bowl again.

This is a han moment: he’s overwhelmed by grief but understands that he’s powerless to change their future. So he’s resigned to the fact that, in time, his debilitating grief will dwindle into sadness… and regret for a life that could never be. He’d always carry a hole in him where his heart should be, but he’d survive.

And that’s the symbolism of the prayer bowl. It’s broken-ness.

It was collecting weeds and dirt. But it was still waiting for rain to fill parts of it with water to offer to the gods. As long as the shattered prayer bowl sat there, then the desire and hope for the loved one’s homecoming lived on. The prayer bowl represented “han” – this union of sorrow, powerlessness, yearning, waiting, and hope.

That’s what JungHyuk meant that she couldn’t give up on waiting. Although the wait was almost unbearable, it was far more endurable than to give up all hope.

Do you now understand han? 🙂

Although you all didn’t know this concept of han, I believe a few of you sensed its presence more keenly than others. In Episode 11, some of you commented about wanting them to fight for their love.

Kiko said:

Personally, I find it a little depressing that our OTP seem to have accepted the impossibility of them ever being together. I would’ve liked for them to try their hardest and make efforts toward being together. I’d root for them even more because they fight for their happiness. So, yeah, a little disappointed here.

Blue Galaxy and Jerrykid84 agreed. From Blue Galaxy:

Agree with Kiko that RiRi couple needs to fight for their love otherwise their relationship has nowhere to go. I overall enjoyed episode 11 because the two leads stayed true to their character. Many viewers wanted more lovey dovey scenes between the couple but they would have been inconsistent with the awkward and bittersweet situation – that JH has to return to NK as soon as he catches the bad guy. So unless they decide to fight for a future together, their relationship ended at episode 10.

From jerrykid84:

Agreed with your comment that they should find harder for their love. Right now, they accept and take for granted that they can’t be together and don’t even try to fight or think of any solutions. Hope their writer will do their love some justice. They deserve some happiness in the end.

Then arihsi mentioned a novel by Rabindranath Tagore:

…the OTP almost never meet. They never have a happy ending in the traditional sense. His novels are about love for the sake of love. Not to meet again. Not to spend life together necessarily. But love as the purest of emotions without expectations (do I make any sense? I’m terrible at explaining literature of any kind). Here, the OTP know that their “ever after” most likely won’t happen at the beginning of their love story. There is no “fighting” to be together in the traditional sense due to circumstances beyond their control.

The OTP of this drama is well into their mature years. I am okay with them being less optimistic about their future together as both have seen hell and high water through life. It’s not a class divide or some sort of societal disapproval that they can fight against. Their circumstances are about life and death and much beyond their control. When Seri lets him go without many visible tears, she’s lessening his burden and allowing him to go forward with the inevitable.

And themanwashere concurred:

I’m with @Arihsi too regarding the comments about the OTP fighting for their love. I’ve seen a lot of people on Twitter saying the same. But given how ridiculous the premise of their love story is, and how dangerous the circumstances they find themselves in almost all the time, their relationship always seemed to me as an uphill battle. I don’t know how else they are supposed to fight for it.
Those grand promises of “I will come back and love you and we will be together in the end” seems highly unlikely given their situation. But RJH already crossed a cave to protect her, and SR basically allowed a group of NK soldiers to live in her house. If that doesn’t speak about fighting, then I’m not sure what is.

In my opinion, it’s their acceptance of the situation that quietly portrays their struggle. Both are realists. They know what can and cannot happen, and they’re managing their expectations by treating it with as much reason as their love for each other allows. They’re not perfect and are also prone to acting on impulse, as we’ve seen in so many instances. But they always know when to pull back, to think about things; hence why I’m not bothered at the lack of intimacy they’ve shared in Seoul (except for the few tight embraces). Kissing and getting it on when there’s a threat to your life isn’t exactly the most appropriate response to a dangerous situation.

Reading these comments, it would appear that there were two divided camps here: one advocating more action from the lovers, and the other praising their acceptance of reality.

But who’s to say which one is better? It’s a matter of personal choice. Remember, Seri herself was conflicted about next course of action. She didn’t know whether she should hold on (i.e., fight for their love) or let go (i.e., accept it and move on).

I even made a decision tree for us to understand her problem.

 

To me, Seri’s dilemma is like the story of the blind men and the elephant.  If we RETHINK Seri and JH’s situation and SEE the elephant in the room as HAN, not love, then we’ll realize that these contrasting outlooks are in fact, merely pieces of the bigger picture.

Image result for elephant gif

Seri and Junghyuk were experiencing love as han.

For them, han manifested itself when they became under attack. Many things conspired against them. To list a few, they had a madman, her brothers and sister-in-law, her mother, his father, their careers, the military, politics, governments, and fate pulling them apart. They were suffering because these external forces and constraints exerted power over them and denied them the ability to decide their future. Powerlessness is a feature of han.

Also, han is passive, like the prayer bowl.

Although Seri and JH wished to be together, they weren’t going to actively pursue a strategy to be together.

Now, for non-Koreans, like me, this passivity can be frustrating. Take for instance, their romantic conversation about having children.

JH confessed that he didn’t want to leave her, but he wanted her drunk when he confessed. That way, she’d remember nothing of their conversation. He thought he was being noble because he was sparing her from getting hurt with declaration of love.

Well, this bitch is calling him out on that. It’s like giving someone a nicely-wrapped present and saying the gift can’t be opened. It’s a tease.

JH: If you’re really drunk, I’d like to say something.
SR: Like what? What do you want to say? That I’m pretty?
JH: No.
SR: How could you be so rigid even when you’re drunk? Then, what?
JH: I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back I just want to stay here with you.
SR: I think I’m sobering up.
JH: What? But you can’t.
SR: I didn’t sober up. Keep going. I’m totally drunk right now. When I sober up from this, I won’t be able to remember a thing. So just tell me everything you want to tell me.
JH: I want to marry you here. And have a child who takes after you, too.
SR: I like girls.
JH: I like twins.

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SR: What? Twins? I’m about to sober up again.
JH: I hope you won’t.
SR: Okay. Keep going. What else do you want to do with me?
JH: I’ll play the piano again.
SR: You should. You must. I’ll organize a piano concert for you. Given your talent, you can perform at Seoul Arts Center. Hold on. Should I just buy the Seoul Arts Center? I think I’ll be able to buy it.
JH: You’re really drunk.

We all know that she wasn’t. And she wasn’t kidding when she said she could buy it for him.

SR: I’m really drunk. I don’t think I’ll ever sober up from this.
JH: I want to see you with gray hair and wrinkles. You growing old. You’ll still be pretty, right?

Not a very original line, dear writer, but okay….

Image result for wedding singer grow old gif

SR: Of course. I’m going to grow old very slowly. If you want to see it, you’ll have to stay by my side for a very long time.
JH: I should.
SR: JH, you can stay by side for a very long time, but you shouldn’t drink with other people.
JH: What?
SR: I found you way more attractive when you’re drunk. The thought of other women seeing you drunk like this will make me so insecure that I won’t be able to sleep soundly. Let’s settle that you’ll only drink at home.
JH: Let’s do that.
SR: You’ll only drink at home, okay?
JH: Promise me. Stamp it. Copied and laminated.

So, sure this scene was 100% romantic, but in the whole scheme of things, it was 100% aggravating.

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Same with Seri, when she gave him leave to go.

She didn’t want him to go, but she told him that she was fine if he left, “From now on, even if you suddenly disappear, I won’t be surprised. I won’t feel hurt, And I won’t wait for you. So don’t worry about me. Goodbye.”

Long-time kdrama viewers would recognized this trope anywhere. Seri was behaving like a “noble idiot.”

But this willingness to endure an injury, injustice or hardship in silence is part of han, too.  Seri insisted that she was fine with his departure because she wanted him to leave in peace. She was pretending to be strong so he wouldn’t worry about her. She couldn’t burden him with her emotional needs.

But her breakdown made plain her distress at finding him gone, and her consequent joy at discovering him still there.

And she began to weep. She knew that, moving forward, there’d be no more peace and happiness on her birthday. She’d always look back on this birthday and remember him.  She said, “I was scared. From now on, I’d remember this day on my birthday. I’d remember this good day.”

What she meant was her longing for him would deepen every passing year and she didn’t see her sorrow fading away with time.

Han would become an irrevocable part of her life, as it was of his.

So Junghyuk reassured her, “Next year, the year after that, and even the one after that will be good. Because I’ll be thinking about you. I’ll be grateful that you were born into this world. I’ll be grateful that the person I love is still breathing. That’s why your birthday will always be a good day.”

To me, this meant that they could transcend their unfortunate circumstances together.  They would have a parallel experience.

Like her, he would pine for her for the rest of his life. But even as years passed by, her birthdays would always be marked by gratefulness because she was alive.

For as long as she was alive and well, he would be, too. 

 

51 Comments On “Crash Landing on You: On Han, Not Love”

  1. I have nothing intelligent to add, but I have to say that I cried after reading your post.

  2. True! I forgot Seri’s quote before she met RH again in SK (the diagram). Love is multifaceted…

    I am wondering how would you rewrite:
    “JH: I want to see you with gray hair and wrinkles. You growing old. You’ll still be pretty, right?”

    I did like how he answered “no” when she asked “what, that I’m pretty?” He thinks she’s pretty (that’s how I know from “you’ll still be pretty” in the last line but he still answered no because that wasn’t what he wanted to say during that time.)

  3. Thank you! I cried too. “ Acceptance is the key to happiness !”

  4. So, do you think (a) accepting reality (i.e., being a realist) or (b) challenging reality (i.e., fight for what you want) is a cultural trait?

    Thanks for another thought provoking analysis. It certainly makes watching drama a lot more interesting.

  5. This post made me sad. I thought the writer only writes happy endings. So no Switzerland? 😭😭 I hope you’re wrong!!

  6. Here is my optimistic take on the scenes. While they may be hesitant now due to the “Han”, I see progression in their relationship. The drinks chat clearly echos the chat during the train stop where JH said he did not even want to think about the future. Now, he is thinking and have hopes and dreams about the future with Seri. The back hug scene echos the rainy day kiss scene at the hospital, even the settings are kind of similar with twinkling lights in the back. JH expresses his attraction to Seri for the first time with the kiss, and he for the first time told Seri that he loved her with the back hug. So while they are still apprehensive about the future of their relationship, I see JH as potentially trying to do something about it since he now realizes Seri will be devastated without him in the South.

    Anyways I am praying to kdrama gods for a happy ending. Anything less would be emotional abuse from the writers. 😂

  7. @John L… Umm… It could be a middle ground. Many times, the middle ground is a very happy place to be. Because then, you don’t have to give up your own individuality to be with your lover. Like in “you from another star”, he visited her for extended periods of time and went to his own star (or rather planet 😛) time to time.

  8. @Kiko yes, I think a large part of how you take your reality can be influenced from your culture. Take Karma for example. Karma as the western part of the world understands is broadly similar to “you shall reap what you sow”. In fact, many cultures across the world have similar concepts to encourage kindness and good deeds.

    However, a lesser known nuance of this Karma is that you must, at all costs, accept your fate. Even if your fate is to raise in arms against your own kin. Karma is also about your powerlessness against fate – just like Han. A slightly finer nuance is about punishment. About the denial to salvation shall your deeds be unforgivable. So, if something nasty is happening to one, one is being punished/is paying for something that one should not have done and one is powerless to change it at least in the present.

    From what I gather from kdramas that I’ve watched, the concept of reincarnation, fate, punishment for bad deeds is pretty similar.

    P.S. These waters are dangerous to tread. My understanding of religion (like n number of other things, politics and law amongst them) is extremely limited. Apologies for any errors in comprehension.

  9. Why are you making me weep in the morning?

  10. Love your musings so much. Your explanation about Han reminds me of my favourite quote by Emily Dickinson; Hope is the thing with feathers,that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.” 🙂

  11. Happy ending, of course. I’m all about the happy ending.

    But this writer is going to put our hearts through the wringer first before our happy ending.

    I’m with you. That “You from another star” was a happy ending after a sort.

  12. 😂 Did you miss me that much? Why did you cry? Work became hectic so I couldn’t post earlier.

  13. Wait. I still have to explain the shoes. That’s also a Han thing. 🙂

  14. Thanks. From what little I know of Emily Dickinson and her poem, she would know about waiting, too. She was the type to appreciate Han, wasn’t she?

  15. Wait. You can burn me at the stake later. 🙂

    I still think there’s a HEA (happily ever after) but I wanted you to see this episode from the context of Han, not love.

    From what I read, this Han phenomenon/cultural trait may be dying away with the younger generation. For one, they didn’t go through hardship like their great-grandfathers did. For another, they’re the “westernized” generation. So this whole thing about accepting injustice/accepting fate is going to be unacceptable to them.

    So Switzerland is still on the table.

    This writer will most likely end on a high note.

  16. ‘This writer will most likely end on a high note.’ Not the same but Why am I thinking about the end of Casablanca?

  17. @packmule3 Ohhh the shoes! Forgive me if I’m wrong, perhaps you’re referring to the steps that JH took before the back hug reflected the steps he took when he crossed the border? I’ll be waiting for your post then 🙂

  18. One of the articles I read about Han mentioned that this cultural trait is uniquely Korean and his country (a Scandinavian country, if I remember correctly) would have a hard time grasping this concept because his countrymen were naturally serene and easy-going.

    Another article thought this wouldn’t work with Americans because we’re used to going after what we want. Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, etc.

  19. No, the shoes for EunDong, the youngest/maknae of the group. 🙂

  20. I was thinking about the shoes, too. In the market/candle scene, Seri’s, RJH’s in the last scene, Chul Kang’s in the parking garage, the betraying boots in the hallway, Eun Dong’s shoes being brought so tenderly…
    WTF is wrong with me this morning?

  21. I ❤️ Casablanca’s ending.

    That was so so so right, it couldn’t be anything else but that ending.

    But it’s a tearjerker. 😭😭

    Do you see Hyun Bin doing a Humphrey Bogart and say, “We’ll always have Seoul”?

  22. 🤔 Did I make people melancholic because of my post? I guess I shouldn’t have written that post while I was tipsy. I tend to be maudlin. 😆

    I’ll only talk about EunDong’s shoes because I think there’s a cultural aspect there, too. It’s tied to a folk song. 🙂 I’ll explain later.

  23. This made me cry 😭
    I really liked the last scene from the latest episode – what Hyuk said to me is not passiveness but it’s a strong advocation that their love will persist – regardless of whether they physically be together or not.
    And the back hug was rightly done, it was warm reassuring, not passionate but full of love

  24. Ref. We’ll always have Seoul. Perhaps. They’ve said it or something similar every time they’ve prepared to part ways but the series needed to continue.

  25. Thank you @packmule for introducing to me the concept of Han. This is the first time I’ve ever heard of it. It reminds me of another beautiful concept called saudade, something which I always get when watching kdramas.

    I think it’s precisely the great external forces acting, separating, and shaping the decisions of JH and SR which makes me a sucker for the ordinary moments they have – drinking soju in Seoul, baking clams in the village outpost, beer and fried chicken in Pyongyang. As a viewer, these scenes offer a respite from the suffering the characters endure without escaping from it. Here, they share their fears and longings, their dreams and their hopes, even if an ominous and often sinister cloud hovers above their romantic entanglements.

    It’s in the ordinariness of their conversations and actions that I sense the profoundness of their relationship – and not in the heroic I’ll take a bullet for you and cross the DMZ to save you gestures. But profundity does not guarantee relief from suffering, and so you sort of end up rooting for the two, against all imaginable plot holes, to overcome the external forces you’ve shared.

  26. Can you please give me link of the article as you mentioned here if you happen to save or remember it:

    One of the articles I read about Han mentioned that this cultural trait is uniquely Korean and his country (a Scandinavian country, if I remember correctly) would have a hard time grasping this concept because his countrymen were naturally serene and easy-going.

    I live in Scandinavia for over a decade and married one for almost two decades now and I do think their anchesthor has similar Cultural trait as defined in Han. They were viking and life was not easy before especially in Norway before they found oil. So it would be nice to read the article and discuss it further with hubby. Thanks in advance!

    I will wait further for your other analysis of CLOY, I really do enjoy reading your thoughts on it!

  27. Wow! You wrote THIS ☝🏻when you were tipsy? What would it have been if you were drunk? 😜

    Thanks for my lesson for today. Han, I’ll definitely remember that. ☺️ I’ve always loved my drama with HEA but not necessarily straight away like for example Hotel de Luna. 😊

    I believe Seri and JH will definitely have a happy ever after because otherwise a lot of people will cry foul. 🙅🏻‍♀️😠

    But because you’ve given me Han, I’m good with thinking of them accepting their love for each other for what it is, their not meant to be.

    This post just reminded me that Valentine’s Day is coming. What’s our topic then? 😉

  28. 🙂 I wish I remember where I read it. But this was years ago.

    But the contrast was made between “han” and the word “hygge.” Hygge is another one of those unique cultural words that aren’t easily translated. It means utter contentment, total absence of anything worrisome, zero cares in the world.

    But remember, historically, the Vikings were regarded as brutal invaders and raiders. In comparison, the Koreans felt that they were the ones being invaded, raided, and oppressed because time and time again, neighboring countries conquered them.

    There may be similarities between the traits but that sense of oppression and powerlessness would be a defining essence in han.

    Note: I’m neither Korean nor Scandinavian. 😂😂

  29. There is a mention of both hygge and han in this article:
    https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2011-jan-05-la-fg-south-korea-han-20110105-story.html

    But I thought this was interesting, too, as far as translating across cultures:
    https://translationjournal.net/journal/43korean.htm

    I’ve learned something new. This concept explains a lot of things I’ve been wondering about in Kdrama and music.

  30. Heeeyyy, I don’t get drunk. I get Irish. ☘️☘️☘️

    I’m going to write about Dr Cutie again today. I must catch up.

    Yes. What’s our designated topic for Valentine’s Day? Kisses, right? Or was it hugs? I’ve to start collecting gifs.

    Or maybe I’ll re-post one of the kiss write-ups I did on Soompi.

  31. My grandparents were in a situating similar to Seri and JH. My grandfather went to Taiwan following the Chinese civil war. He left his parents, pregnant wife and young daughter behind. He never saw his parents again and only saw my grandmother once after almost 40 years. So their situation was really Han. There was nothing they could do as Mainland China was closed off to the world for almost 40 years.

    He eventually married a Taiwanese woman and started a second family. My grandmother never remarried. When they met again they were really strangers. None of us can defeat time. If Seri and JH separate for good, they will both move on, meet other people and start life with others. Because there is no other choice. As great as their love is, time will dilute everything, Han or not.

  32. Awww.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Yes, the romantic side in us would like to think that love would go on. But the realistic, pragmatic side would say no, it would fade.

    Wait a second…there was a Chinese drama I watched with this kind of side story. “My True Friend” with Deng Lun. The grandparents reunited (of course, because…drama).

  33. @Blue Galaxy, that a very sad story. I think that Han is a hard concept for young people, especially in the West. Either people will fight it or they will make every effort to get over the problem quickly and move on.

    I’m glad that your grandparents met up again, even if they seemed to be strangers. It must have seemed strange but necessary to them.

  34. Hmmm…the LaTimes article sounds like it. 👍 Thanks for finding it.

    All I could recall were the two words: Han and Hygge.

    And thanks for the translation article, too. Very interesting.

    Google is really our friend.

    Yes. Han is the reason why a lot of the OSTs are melancholic. “I’m still. I’m here.” and from Flower “I’m worried about you” and the “Song You and I Used to Sing.”
    🙂 On one level, you can see these as LOVE songs. But on another level, you can also say that these are songs expressing Korean Han.

    See? Who says that we bitches are stupid for watching kdramas? 😈

  35. I’m jealous if you get Irish because I’ve low tolerance on alcohol ☹️

    You know, I cried at Seri and JH’s scene talking about her future birthdays. I felt my heart breaking into pieces but at the same time I thought I might be able to accept it.

    Good calling out on JH too. I think even if I’m drunk already, I’d still hear and remember what he said.

    I’m not sure about the topic for Valentine’s Day but it doesn’t have to be kisses. Don’t be shocked too much ok?! 😂

  36. Where can I watch Casablanca? I haven’t seen the movie. I’m missing out big time right? It’s time to be enlightened that forever is not always the case.

    I’ll look out for it tomorrow.

    Ah now I figured it’s not just love songs, the ost’s , it’s Han too. I’ve always wondered why is it always sad. Mind you I’ve always loved it. 😄

  37. Why am I not surprised that you cried, @agdr03? That’s why I like you. You wear your heart on your sleeve.

    I haven’t cried yet — partly because I read all the spoilers so I knew what was coming and partly because I see sad stories on a regular basis. 🙂 That’s why I avoid watching the makjangs.

    Okay. Gotta go. I’m going to take the rest of the week off (so I can relax and watch dramas) but I’ve to take a few calls first.

  38. Yes. It’s about love. But it’s also about Han. Remember we used to complain about the time jump? Like, why is that even a trope in kdramas?!! The couple separate for two years and meet up again as if nothing happened during the intervening years?! At first, I thought this acceptance/tolerance had something to do with the military service. The women are used to their menfolk disappearing for two years for their military duty so in dramas, heroines accepted a time leap or a separation as their lot in life, a normal phase in their love life.

    But it slowly dawned on me that it was about this Han, too. Korean viewers see nothing wrong with that.

    Me?

    I’d raise a big stink should the guy leave and — GHOST 👻— me for two days. What more for two years?

  39. @agdr03, Casablanca is a very old film starring Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman set in WW2 Morocco.

  40. I checked. It’s not on netflix. 🙁 But it’s on Youtube for $3.99 and amazon prime.

  41. What a great perspective on the “Han” culture! When i think of the “Han” word in hangul or chinese character “漢”, to me it implies endurance, perseverance, courageous, man-up ;p… like the phrase ” a noble man sheds blood and not tears”, like be a conqueror/overcomer ;p

  42. I thought @packmule3 was talking about “Han” as 恨 (in Hanja) or 한 (in Hangul). It’s an emotion of resentment, regret, sorrow, helplessness, etc. all wrapped into one. No?

  43. All I thought about when you talked about han was Hotel del Luna. CS had to send MW off and he will not see her in his lifetime. Is that not han as well? That heart pain. Thanks for introducing the concept of han. No wonder kdramas can make you (ok me) cry buckets. Now I remember Scarlet Heart ending…that was so han!

  44. @kiko like @packmule3 quoted earlier (see below), it has two meanings, “sorrow” and “hope”, so what you perceived is correct too 🙂

    Quote…”Han is a deep feeling difficult to precisely capture with words, but is a combination of sorrow, anger, helplessness due to greater forces of oppression. However, han is also hope—hope of overcoming the injustices in one’s life, hope of a better tomorrow.”

    Now i am curious which hangul character of “han” does @packmules refer to 😛

  45. Speaking of the Han feeling, sorrow, sadness, hopelessness… I felt that after going on the DMZ tour. During the tour itself, it felt surreal and exhilarating. It’s like North Korea is right there, literally in-front of you. But yet so far away.

    After the tour though, I felt like there was a knot in my chest – the absurdity, sadness and hopelessness of it all. Why is it even there? For what? The DMZ is about a 45 minute drive from Seoul, but a completely different world. Highly recommend the USO DMZ tour, it was restricted to US citizens at the time, not sure about it now.

  46. I think it’s not always good to wear your heart on your sleeve. I’ve always been a cry baby and my family and friends know it too. 😊 There was one time where my Dad had a straight on collision with a drunk person and when I saw him at the hospital in a neck brace I couldn’t handle it because I know I’d always cry when I see him so I never went inside the whole time he was there. ☹️😄

    Anyway, I’ll organise the 30 day free trial on prime so I can watch Casablanca. I’ve admired those actors and actresses from the olden days – Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, Clark Gable, Richard Moore, Sean Connery, Vivien Leigh, Elizabeth Taylor, Grace Kelly, Julie Andrews and of course Audrey Hepburn. Sorry they are all gorgeous and handsome. 😂 I think there’s a few more but I can name those.

    I’d be shit angry too if a guy ghosted me. I need my closure. Thanks for the premise and to @Fern too. ☺️ While I’m there, I should watch Gone With The Wind too right? 😉

  47. Thank you for introducing the word Han to us, I have never heard of it before.

    I think one has to be made of stone to not wish for a happily ever after for this beautiful couple. But I simply think they cannot actively seek to be together given their current circumstances, doing so would go against their true nature and that just won’t do. Seri is someone who loves her family and thinks of them even after all the disappointments she felt. The painful memory of a small child left behind to die alone is no joke for anyone and yet she still manages to love them still, I think that’s something. And it is obvious JH is a man who loves deeply. Let’s do the cold math here, who would be hurt exactly if they plan a life together and act on it at this point? His parents and those five soldiers and their families are ones we know of for sure. JH’s father (described as an old fox) is indeed shrewd, why send those five bumbling soldiers to fetch JH from SK? I am sure there are more capable operatives to choose, spies or a trusted underling of his own who can be more reliable in locating JH at least. But no, he is reminding his son of the people he too loves other than Seri and fold them all into this messy saga further, on purpose, to ensure JH’s return. There is no need of that really if he truly understands his son, or Seri, who would not allow her happiness to hurt those soldiers or his parents. Because they can’t be happy like that. So they only do what circumstances/fate allows, and love each other in the deepest way possible in those small moments together. From the writers’ point of view, it would be easier to introduce some more exciting romance/sex for cheap titillation, but I totally applaud them in respecting our intelligence and refrains from doing that.

    I would love to understand the word Han, I can see why such a word exists in Korean culture considering their immense suffering. I don’t know if anyone here is a Tolkien fan. I am. I know many of you are very well read so sorry if I sound stupid here, but there is something from The Silmarillian which I kept thinking of watching CLOY. In case someone haven’t read it, The Silmarillian is Tolkien’s creation myth. The myth starts off with the one God, IIluvatar, when he initiated a melody, and he gave free will to his underling gods (Valar) and goddesses to use their respective gifts to compose and orchestrate music which becomes blueprint to create the universe later on. Most of the gods and goddesses are familiar to us because of other mythologies, Melkor the fallen angel, and god and goddesses of air and water and stars and death and war…etc. But there is one that is unique to Tolkien, Nienna. She is a very powerful goddess that does nothing but crying. She cries ALL THE TIME.

    Soon after the song began, Melkor the evil one started to overpower his peers with themes that are turbulent and violent, because he wanted control and dominion. God interjects and each time he did so new songs emerges absorbing in all the previous power and discord until two themes began to be distinguished from the music and are completely different. One dominated by Melkor which is loud and repetitive, but another “deep and wide and beautiful, but slow and blended with an immeasurable sorrow, from which its beauty chiefly came,” What a sentence! That’s music Nienna took part in you see, she cries with sadness to counter evil. Later on, when Melkor creates havoc all over Tolkien’s world Nienna comes along and cries, over and over, to heal the wounds. Her tears are powerful and Melkor hates her. She, with her sadness and tears transmute evil, suffering, pain (his proud deeds) into compassion, pity, then into beauty, and art and eventually wisdom and new beginnings. Pretty powerful stuff.

    There are plenty of horrible realities in CLOY, no need to repeat them here. The history of this divided country is insane and not at all comical. But there are two themes going on I feel, one that show evil in both North and South, the other one is love stories which are to me Nienna’s tears. The resilience and hope of their respective people and especially the love of the main couple is how they choose to fight back and break down barriers in strange and not often expected ways. With regards to the couple’s future together…Tolkien’s God basically said about Melkor, “Don’t you understand? in the end, no matter what you do, you are but my instrument into creating something greater than you can imagine.” Well, fate is his button to push yeah? Fate our main couple clearly feel is acting upon them. Trust to fate then for events to unfold in such a way which will give all of us closure. If the writers stay true to the couple’s respective character it will lead them there. A happily ever after perhaps, but for now joy is enough. Sorry this is so long but it has been on my mind for weeks now thinking about this show.

  48. Thank you, @Josie. I hadn’t thought of RJH’s father with those motives. I had simply thought that he was trying to keep things secret. As manipulation goes, he’s up there with Chul Kang. Not murderous, perhaps, but a real schemer.

    Also thank you ref: Tolkien. My husband has read those books over and over since childhood. I love this bit: ‘She, with her sadness and tears transmute evil, suffering, pain (his proud deeds) into compassion, pity, then into beauty, and art and eventually wisdom and new beginnings.’

  49. Yes I do believe that Emily Dickinson would love the concept of Han. In hope (and wait) she found solace.

  50. “None of us can defeat time. If Seri and JH separate for good, they will both move on, meet other people and start life with others. Because there is no other choice. As great as their love is, time will dilute everything, Han or not.”

    Generally true, but not always. Here is a North Korean/Vietnamese couple that waited for each other for 30 years.

    https://www.npr.org/2019/02/27/698501335/hes-vietnamese-shes-from-north-korea-they-had-to-wait-30-years-to-marry

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