We all know what schadenfreude is. It’s enjoying another person’s misfortune, feeling vindicated at his failure and/or gloating over his humiliation.

Now, let’s add another German word to our lexicon, fremdschämen. Instead of gloating, it’s being mortified by somebody’s humiliation, awkwardness, and/or lack of self-awareness. In short, second-hand embarrassment.

Schadenfreude conveys a lack of sympathy and commiseration for the misery of another while fremdschämen indicates empathy and a sense of shared experience. You identify with the other person’s downfall. You can “relate” to the inglorious moment.

This romcom “My Bias, My Boss” is what I consider a fremdschämen show. My second-hand embarrassment is constantly triggered by the misunderstood conversations and misconstrued gestures that I’m bursting into laughter whenever the main characters show their lapse of judgment.

Take the wine gift of the heroine, Nam DaReum (DR).

She doesn’t feel right visiting his home empty-handed, so she buys a classic host’s gift: a bottle of wine. But her boss, Kang HaGi (KH), knows that this particular brand of wine is advertised as some sort of love potion, that is, it’s famous for making love come true. So he assumes that she’s secretly in love with him. (Projection, much?)

To make matters worse, he consults first his Rumi, which is artificial intelligence like Alexa, and then his buddy, who is a newbie at dating like him.

Oh dear!

He can’t find dumb-and-dumber love consultants than those two. Rumi concludes that DR definitely LIKES him and even encourages him with a cute cheer, “Date her! Date her! Date her!”

And then, his buddy feeds his delusion by telling him that she LOVES him.

Buddy: (seeing the wine bottle) Ooooh. Wine. Work is just an excuse. You guys are totally flirting.
KH: I didn’t get it! She brought it. Said it was from her heart.
Buddy: Hul! So she confessed to you?
KH: (fremdschämen moment) Well…she didn’t say it directly.

He begins to remember the little things that she’s done to him. Like, taking his hand in hers to offer him coffee and effusively cheering him on.

KH: She sneaks over and cheers me on like that….

Next he recalls the time she clutches his coat to save him from a motorcycle and she bumps his knee to sit closer.

KH: And suddenly, she’s casually doing “skinship” with me.

Lol! This is so cringe because he’s a dude. Look: I could understand his bewilderment at her being “hands-on” with him if he were a fangirl daydreaming about her oppa or her favorite idol. But he’s a cold, level-headed CEO. Why is he overthinking everything like a virgin (to borrow Madonna’s pop song)?

Buddy: Oh.
KH: And more than anything, she smiles every time she sees me.

In my opinion, he isn’t wrong here. She positively beams at him. In this case, I don’t blame him for thinking that she smiles radiantly only for him because it must be tiring to have such a broad grin on her face for everyone, every time. Such a happy face isn’t sustainable….

But her smiles aside, his other “arguments” or proofs of her affection are just confirmation bias. He assumes that she’s into him, so he interprets her actions, no matter how innocent and platonic, as romantic overtures.

Buddy: Yeah….
KH: She must like me, right?
Buddy: (shaking his head and turning away) No. If it’s gotten that far, then that’s love.
KH: (stuttering) L-l-love?
Buddy: Love. Love.

NOooooo! NOoooo! Oh, the fremdschämen!

And that’s why I find this episode fun to watch. I can imagine myself in Kang HaGi’s shoes because many moons ago, when I was navigating the dating scene as a teenager, I too encountered the same problem reading the signs of affection. Back then, I also relied on advice of just-as-clueless girlfriends to figure things out.

This show allows me to relive my youthful social anxiety and misery from the safe distance of comedy.

To Kang HaGi’s credit, he immediately establishes boundaries when they meet the next day at the office elevator. As he’s struggling to put on his coat because of his injured hand, she comes up from behind to drape his coat over his shoulder. When he turns around to thank his invisible helper, he sees that it’s her again. With that disarming smile of hers again.

KH: Thank…you…..
DR: Sir, did you not find any more stickers at home? Yesterday felt like a treasure hunt. It was fun! If you happen to find more—
KH: (interrupting) Ms. Nam.
DR: Yes?
KH: We’re at work (pointing to the ground). I’m the CEO (pointing to himself). You’re the employee (pointing at her). Let’s keep work and private matters separate (pointing to the ground and then outside).

Lol. Of course, she doesn’t get his attitude.

His coat slides off his shoulder and this time, he whips it off, almost smacking her face with it. He escapes into the elevator and closes the doors on her.

To me, this scene is hilarious because he misunderstands her warmth and friendliness with him. She treats him casually because she finds him easy to talk to. Unlike her crush/her bias, she can be herself with him. However, from his POV, her familiarity is her way of flirting with him and seeking his attention.

It should be interesting to see whether she’ll alter her behavior and become star-struck with him too once she develops real feelings for him. This kdrama is trying to sell a love triangle to its audience, but as far as I can see her boss Kang HaGi is a much better – and funnier – guy than her bias, the ex-pop star.

I hope others will join me in the fremdschämen of this romcom.

Cast: Kang Hoon (“Little Women” and “Running Man”) and Kim HyeJun (“A Shop for Killers”)
Episodes: 12, six episodes are already out
Airs on Mondays and Tuesdays
Where to Watch it: Viki and Amazone Prime
Network: tvN