Bad, @ibisfeather, bad! 😊 You made me fast-forwarded to Episode 37 to look up what you said in a comment section.

But first, let me copy-and-paste your two posts here. The first one:

EP 37. About grudges. I took the Shen/Li grudge provisionally as the one that LX would have to work her way through.

But it seemed really clear in 30 that what LX truly resented about the forced marriage was (it was a good guess of your that she would be a literary creative). She is very clear about it.

To add insult to injury, her life didnt even register on his arrogant radar. He says (finally) that he thought if he kept being nice and loving to her that eventually they would have a good relationship. But no, this is not Blossoms of Power, with winsome He YiQian quoting proverbs about water hollowing out rock.

The playwright Lan Xiang wants real clarity, and I bet, eventually space.

Next, your follow-up for clarification:

sorry. “She is very clear about it”…in episode 37, where they finally do have that conversation.

After rushing to this scene, @ibisfeather, I don’t think LanXiang was saying that she resented the forced marriage because “JQ took away from her a life for herself that suited her.”

No, that’s not what she meant. 🙂 Let me explain by copying the subs from viki over here.

JQ: LanXiang, before I always thought it was because of Han Liang that you resented me and refused to settle into being the Young Madam of the Lin family. But only now do I understand.

Let’s be clear here. THIS is JQ’s interpretation of LanXiang’s feelings about love. LanXiang neither agrees to or denies what he says. She mostly listens to him while tearing up.

JQ: (continuing) It was never about love for another man. Rather, it’s just like when Grand Secretary Zhao wanted to control my life and career, and to make me serve him and the Zhao family. I chose to give up the brush for the sword and joined the army in Jinzhou rather than let him control me. I supposed it was the same for you. What you resent is that I took away your freedom.

Sure, it’s laudable that he tries to empathize with her and to put himself in her shoes. But there’s a problem here: he’s projecting his own BIASES on her. He assumes that she feels the same way or will react that same way as he did when his father-in-law Zhao wanted to control his destiny.

JQ: (continuing) I thought if I said sweet things to please you, if I were gentler, more considerate, and treated you better, I could win your heart. But only after I read “The Tale of the Feathered Immortal” did I realize that in your eyes, love between a man and a woman is nothing but flowers on a desolate grave, a fair face over bare bones, like a dream, like a bubble, gone in an instant.

In other words, he gleaned from LanXiang’s drama that she didn’t believe in love at all. Let me explain the metaphors he used.

“Flowers on a desolate grave”: The key here is the “desolate” grave. A desolate grave signifies that it’s been neglected for a long time, and the flowers were just placed there, like an afterthought. Soon, the flowers will wither and die, too, and the grave will be abandoned again. In short, love isn’t for keeps.

“A fair face over bare bones”: Meaning, love is purely outside trappings. Sure, it looks and feels beautiful, but it’s only superficial.

“Like a dream, like a bubble, gone in an instant.” Meaning, love is a fleeting illusion. It’s not solid like a rock.

From the sound of it, JQ is already resigned that LanXiang can’t/won’t love him the way he loves her.

JQ: (continuing) I was too arrogant. I underestimated you.

He pauses. Then, she responds.

LX: Actually, I underestimated you too. True, you don’t know what I think, or what I like and dislike. But I don’t know what you think, or what you like and dislike, either.

Good heavens! She’s spent so much time with this guy, and she still doesn’t know him? C’mon now. If JinQi had been a poor, abused, female stranger she happened to bump on the way to the market, I betcha she would have zero problem GUESSING what he wanted, needed, liked and disliked.

How come she’s so good at discerning what women need, but not what her husband needs? The answer is plain as day: it’s because she has a mental block about loving him after the tragedy to her family.

JQ: (taking her hand in his) We’re both still young.

Hmmm…is this some sort of foreshadowing? He keeps insisting that they’re young. Is he going to die young?

JQ: (continuing) We have plenty of time…to truly get to know each other.

I wouldn’t bet on that. As I mentioned in the thread about Tong Hua, death usually comes for one of the protagonists. Also, have you listened to the OST “The Fragrance of Orchids Remains” and tried to understood the lyrics? That song entitled “The Fragrance of Orchids Remains”? Ha!

LX: Between you and me, there are too many barriers. You and I walk different paths.
JQ: (confused) Do you mean family background and status?
LX: (making a face)
JQ: I promise you, from now on, I will respect you and value you as if you were another me in this world. Even if right now, you don’t love me as a wife loves her husband, we’ve been through hardship together. We already share a bond as husband and wife. No matter what, we both have to live well.
LX: (ending the dialogue) There’s a lot to do tomorrow. You should get some rest, too.

Then, right on cue, the song “The Fragrance of Orchids Remains” swells.

@ibisfeather, the heart of the matter lies in her statement here: “Between you and me, there are too many barriers. You and I walk different paths.”

Four things I want you understand: 

1. Different paths

When JinQi asked her if their family background and status were the issue, she made a face.

She looked like that because JinQi’s answers were actually CORRECT, but not in the way he assumed.

Her issue wasn’t that they were from DIFFERENT family backgrounds and status, i.e., that he was rich and she was poor, and that he was an ex-minister’s son, and she was an ex-slave’s daughter. No. Her issue was that they actually came from SIMILAR family background and status, but they ended up walking different paths because of the tragedy many years ago.

Now what did LX exactly mean when she told him that they were walking on different paths?

Most viewers would argue that their paths began to diverge when the Lin patriarch chose to betray the Shen family. But it could be counterargued that the king started the ball rolling when he threatened the ministers; the king left the Lin patriarch with no choice but to protect his family first.

And it could also be argued that it was the Shen patriarch who laid a different course for his family members when he refused to compromise his “integrity,” and instead sacrificed his life and his womenfolk for his principles.

However, in my opinion, we were given a montage in Episode 2 to show EXACTLY when LanXiang and JinQi started walking on different paths

Remember that? The director literally showed them walking different paths. For LanXiang, that’s the point in time when their joint fates untangled and separated, but she can’t tell JinQi this.

2. Many barriers

The biggest obstacle would be her grudge.

I told @Welmaris about this in the comment section, many threads ago. But let me repeat what I wrote for those lurkers who missed it. I said,

I totally agree, @Welmaris, that one of her more admirable character traits is her singular focus on surviving the best (and noble) way she can. She has no time to dilly-dally with romantic illusions. Even when she was drunk, she chose money over orchid fragrance, remember?

That said, her feelings for JQ is MORE complicated than just merely trying to focus on survival, keeping her head down, trying not to endanger her foster parents, and not being distracted by love and stuff.

She’s also consciously (or unconsciously) rejecting JQ because he’s her ex-fiancé. She’s repressing and sublimating her multi-layered feelings of rage, rejection, abandonment, blame, injustice, grievance, guilt, filial piety, rebellion, resentment, betrayal, and vengeance towards him. She has never forgotten what he and his family did to her: they broke off their engagement. In her family’s greatest hour of need, the Lin family dumped them.

Being young, she probably had held onto hope and romantic dreams that he would somehow come looking for her, and rescue her from her plight. He was supposed to be her fiancé, her would-be husband. But he ended up marrying someone else shortly after her family’s demise. In her mind, that’s the final straw. He truly abandoned her. That’s why all hell broke lose when she heard the news of his nuptials, and she wept inconsolably. While she was suffering, he was celebrating his marriage to another woman.

No doubt that moment left an indelible mark on her. It isn’t humanly possible to forget that.

For me, the chief impediment to LanXiang reciprocating his feeling for her is grudge.

3. Are there other barriers I can think of?

Well, JQ’s loyalty to the monarchy, for one. Having experienced the fickleness of kings, up-close and personal, LX would be wary of JQ’s close alliance with the present king. Will he be swept aside, too, like her father, when he’s outlived his use to the king? Will he sell out their friends, like his father did, when he’s in trouble?

Then, there’s the issue about her being the last surviving Shen. Aside from her foster parents, I think only her ex-mentor, Mr. Lu, knows about her real parents. If the truth comes out, then she’ll endanger not only her foster parents, but also JQ and the Lin family.

4. Her writing career?

In the whole of scheme of things, I think this is the least of her worries, @ibisfeather. She’ll do as she pleases anyway, and JQ ends up admiring anything she does.

Good night!